1. Lady-like behavior is not weakness. It’s being gracious, kind, and hospitable. It’s having enough respect for yourself and consideration for others to dress modestly, speak kind words, and maintain self-control even when you’re angry. It’s difficult to be lady-like in today’s culture. But, it’s worth it.
2. Being a mother is an incredibly beautiful experience. But, there is much more to womanhood than motherhood. So, if you find that someday you don’t become a mother, go after your other dreams with all your heart, and seek God’s will for the path He has set you on.
3. You should never date a man that you already know you shouldn’t marry. Every marriage began with a first date. If you know he is bad news, if you know you are incompatible, if you know he isn’t a Christian, don’t go out on a date with him. Once you fall in love it’s hard to see clearly where your mistakes are being made.
4. Make it your goal to be healthy, not thin. There is more to life than dress size.
5. Don’t look to a man or me or any other human to give you a sense of worth. You are already worth more than all the fortunes of the world because God made you and He loves you. If you depend on people to make you feel like you matter, you will be disappointed. But, God never disappoints.
6. Life is too short to wear shoes that hurt your feet.
7. There will be things about your body that you will dislike for your entire life. Try not to obsess over them. Just remember that everyone else is too worried about their own bodies to think much about yours.
8. If you marry a dreamer, don’t kill his enthusiasm with negativity. Support his crazy ideas and love him through his successes and failures. Be his biggest cheerleader.
9. Setting conditions on your happiness will never lead to a happy life. Instead of thinking, “I’ll be happy once I get this or that,” determine to be happy where you are, as much as you can. It doesn’t matter what you drive or what kind of house you live in.
10. Crying is not the most effective way to get your point across, but if you are naturally a crier, embrace it. Let the tears flow, and don’t worry about what people think. All of the criers I’ve ever known endeared themselves to me immediately. (And, you come from a long line of criers.)
11. Try new things as often as possible, even if you’re scared. And especially if you can prove to someone that you’re not scared.
12. Women age faster than men do, especially if we birth and raise children. Men look distinguished as they age. Try not to let it bother you. The bright side is that we live longer.
13. Try to be sympathetic to the plight of men. If you marry a good one, he will work hard his whole life to take care of you. He will walk through the house at night, making sure that everyone is safe. Yes, even in this age of women who claim they don’t need to be looked after, he will feel responsible for keeping you and your children alive and happy. This is a heavy burden to bear, and one that women overlook too often.
14. Obsessing over housework is not only unpleasant for your family, but it makes others afraid to invite you over. Find a happy medium, and keep a neat house without letting it rule your lives.
15. It isn’t true that you don’t need friends once you are married. Keep close friendships with other women throughout all of the phases of your life.
16. It’s easy to get a martyr complex when you’re a mother. Don’t do it. Everyone you know is working hard and doing things that they don’t want to do on a regular basis. It’s part of being a grown up human.
17. Women are an essential part of church life. Don’t ever think that because you’re a woman you aren’t as important to the church or to God as a man is.
18. Don’t be afraid to love people. Women naturally feel things deeply, but too much fear of being hurt will keep us from giving ourselves away for the people we care about. You may get hurt. Love anyway.
19. Try to find the delicate balance between humility and confidence. Humility comes from knowing your own tendencies to sin; confidence comes from trusting that God can do great things through you. Women have a special gift for striking this balance.
20. God made you who you are for a purpose. He will use your unique gifts. Be grateful, love Him well, and trust Him to make you a woman with a heart like His.
I have a question. Does dressing modestly include using a cover when you breastfeed in public?
Becks, I breastfed all three of my children in public. I used a cute little cover. I’m sure my daughters, if they choose to breastfeed, will choose the way to do so that’s most comfortable for them. Not sure if that’s the answer you were looking for. Thanks for reading!
I just believe that women should not have to use covers or be harassed if they don’t. Even the Pope said women should feel free to breast feed openly even in church. Of course if you are more comfortable using a cover then do so. Some people would say that not using a cover would not be modest.
I had to cover up while breastfeeding. I would have been uncomfortable unless I was. I was not a fan of having my boob hanging out for all to see.
In all fairness, yes we should be covered when we breastfeed. I did it that way and have never felt shame because I was covered. There is no need for us to expose our breast in public to either make a statement or just to let others know we are comfortable about it. As women it is good for us to protect our parts.
I agree!!
SO TRUE!
No, breasts are not a sex organ so have nothing to do with modesty.
Exactly thank you.
But we also should consider to not be a stumbling block to others that may weakness to such image , just like what was said in the bible
Actually they are also for sexual pleasure. That’s not a bad thing. In the bible (proverbs 5:19) ) it instructs husbands to find satisfaction in his wife’s breasts. The scriptures assume that a husband will be “enraptured” with his wife’s body. So God designed them for multiple purposes 🙂
Breasts ARE a sex organ as far as men are concerned. You should cover up. I don’t want other men looking at my wife or daughters, and I don’t want or need to see the breasts of other woman. To paraphrase 1 Cor 8:13 If breasts cause my brother to stumble, I will not expose them, so that I will not cause my brother to stumble. Rom 14:20 All things indeed are pure; but it is sin for that man who looks with lust. 21 It is good then, neither to expose oneself, nor offer milk, nor do any thing whereby a brother (in the Lord) stumbles, or is offended, or is made weak.
I may have been somewhat free with my liberal paraphrase, but it makes the point and is in keeping with the spirit of the verses.
Definitely!!!
I am pro breastfeeding, but that doesn’t mean I think that gives a woman permission to fully expose her breast in public. There are ways to maintain modesty without tossing a cover over yourself, nursing tops are a good example.
Hell no! Your baby will need to BREATHE when they eat…. Do you eat or drink with blankets over YOUR head? One should NEVER have baby overheat or struggle to breathe stale air while nursing, merely for the visual comfort of another….. Others can just “look away” if it offends them. Nourishing your baby from your own body is the most natural thing a mother can do and should NEVER be misconstrued as an act of sexuality. shame or modesty need not apply here.
Cathy – I’m not sure what you’re picturing. I used a lightweight cover specifically designed for nursing for both my children when nursing in public. It absolutely did not smother them or overheat them in any way. Nursing covers have a plastic neckline which causes the cover to “bow” outward, so the mother can see her baby through the top. The material hardly even touches the baby’s face and the design allows airflow. Both of my boys (whom I nursed for nearly 2 years each), nursed with a cover out in a public place. Most of the time I Nursed at home and didn’t need a cover. I didn’t use one out of shame, but because under normal circumstances, I do not show that part of my body anyway. So I wouldn’t all of a sudden show the sides or tops of my breasts in public, even though I was (proudly) breastfeeding.
Yes, breastfeeding is something between you and your newborn. Why would you want to share it with the public. There are times when it is necessary to nurse in public. I never had a problem. Everyone can be discrete. No one ever knew I was nursing, even my husband sometimes.
Melissa,
Keep writing from your heart. It’s brave to share your thoughts and your journey in a pubic forum. There will be haters but don’t be discouraged. Giving people a reason to think about what they believe when confronted with your beliefs is healthy and productive for all.
Many Blessings!
Jackie
Thank you, Jackie!
Oh, I love this list. One of my friends posted it on facebook, and proceeded to tag just about half her friend list {all the women, ha!} so I knew I had to give it a read. Thanks for the fabulous inspiration this evening. Blessings!
Thanks so much, Bethany!
Becks-dumb question! Would you feel offended if a man whipped out his “part” to pee against a tree in public? Isn’t “that” a “natural” thing???? Why don’t women realize that although God gave us a special way of taking care of our babies, it is STILL a PRIVATE thing. Please cover yourself and be so discreet that no one even realizes you are feeding! We have traveled the world and was invited to a picnic where women had no qualms about baring their breasts to breastfeed. That does not change my opinion. I breastfed and I was discreet. If others disagree, that is your business.
No need to be nasty Gail. I don’t have children. I was just asking her opinion on much debated subject. And she gave a polite and simple answer. I have friends and family who do/did both. If you don’t want too see it I’d advise you don’t look. If I have children I will do whatever makes me and my baby comfortable. I live in a state where it is illegal to interfere with a breastfeeding mother. I’m glad of that.
Gail. I agree!!!
Loved it!!! My mom sent me this… N it is wonderful!!! Thank u for the advise!!!
Beautiful!!!
Thank you for sharing these wonderful truths. So many young women have no one to teach them or show by example how to be a real woman. I’ve shared it with my younger college girlfriends and hope they learn something from you to help them on their journey. Speaking of modesty, I am more concerned about the very revealing clothing so many young women wear today. Though its become common, it cheapens them in the sight of noble men!
Great list. I married a dreamer. Our marriage has been a wild and exciting ride. I am so glad I made up my mind to follow his dreams from the start. We are currently trekking overland with nine children in an RV in Mexico on our way to Argentina.
You seem smarter as you grow older! Sometimes wisdom comes with age but sometimes you can gather it from others!!
Can I humbly suggest: (21) Revealing clothes may draw attention to some of your assets, but certainly not your best ones. You are too intelligent and too beautiful on the inside to be putting so much attention on the outside.
Covering or not depends on an individual. Do what your conscience tells you as long you’r doing the right thing.
The key is to have faith in God and he will guide you through your osth of Life. This is well said in many of the 20 things.
Path of life.
“If he is not a Christian, don’t go out with him”….?
Serious??
Not very timely though!
Timely? Really? That’s the best dating advice ever.
As a guy, Christian or not, I would certainly NOT want to be led on by false expectations.
If my values as a Christian were to abstain from extra/pre-marital sexual activity and to follow God in all I do, and I dated a girl who did not have the same values, we would both be disappointed with the experience. I may feel unduly pressured and certainly compromised by some situations.
On the other hand, if my values were OK with sex before marriage and dating “just for fun”, I would be sorely disappointed by a girl that let me believe everything was OK until I decided to make my move, and then got splashed with cold water. I’d neither respect her or her religion. Basically, the hypocrisy would turn me off to both.
Uh yeah. Christians should NEVER date Non-Christians. They can be friends though.
Uh, yeah, that is right. The Bible tells us to marry within the faith. And uh, yeah, We can be friends with non-Christians. And hopefully eventually they will see Christ in us and become believers also.
Someone said, if you dont want to see the breastfeeding mother than Don’t look? What?! How can you not notice when a woman just whips out her breasts??? A little obvious. And totally agreed, if I guy were to whip out his penis and take a leek wherever he felt “his conscious” leads him, most ppl would definitely have something to say!!!! Breasts not being a “sex organ?” Maybe ORGAN is not an accurate word, otherwise what’s the argument? We don’t go around telling people to put their phalopian tubes away. Our breasts are totally linked to sexual activity therefore sparking the arguemet on whether or not they should be covered. Sex is more than “doing it like animals on the Discovery Channel.” It is suposed to be a gift-treated preciously. Although I’d sadly have to say, too much of the population treat it more like goin out for pizza on cheap Tuesday because they’re too lazy or broke to do any better. I’ve said a mouthful, but my opinion would have to be maybe one doesn’t need to cover as if they’re a Muslim women, but certainly modesty in the form of discretion, not making it look so obvious is much more comfortable to the vast majority and would save alot of time and argument for many, many, many folk, including oneself. If I were in public, there would be a reason such as shopping, enjoying a meal, or some such activity. Stopping to feed the baby while trying to reach the goal of the activity to get home to enjoy the baby without any interruption would be high on my priority list. Get the job done and move on. No need to make a spectacle. Why not share with the whole supermarket the wonderful price on broccoli-which is why you are there in the first place-instead if plunging oneself in a heated debate about your breasts? Not so obvious, ladies. We are already proud of you for choosing the healthiest option of feeding your gorgeous bundle, no need to beat a dead horse.
Um What? Your argument is all over the place. I can barely make sense of it. What I take away from it is that you seem rather angry about mother not using covers in public.( and possibly even breast feeding at all while in public) Why does a breast offend you so much? I have been in public places with someone who does not use a cover and (big surprise to you I’m sure) she does it very discreetly. There is no spectacle. She and her a baby are much more comfortable that way and frankly that is more important then your comfort. I hope you have a wonderful day!
I totally agree that if you don’t want to see a woman breastfeeding her baby, don’t look. You have the *choice* not to look at her, just as much as you have the choice not to look at a shirtless man or a woman wearing a top you consider to be too revealing. I have never seen a breastfeeding mother who “whips” out her breasts, and I’ve never seen a breastfeeding mother who is indiscreet or immodest. Comparing a breastfeeding mother who does so in public to a man taking a “leek [sp]” on a building is disgusting, uncalled for, and insults women who breastfeed. Men who take a piss wherever they please are leaving biohazardous waste where others can walk through it, getting it on their shoes and track it all over, not to mention it’s going to start to smell as it dries and bacteria start to break it down. They’re fouling their environment. Women who breastfeed are not. Breastfeeding involves sitting down on a bench or chair somewhere that’s not too noisy and feeding your child. That’s it. There’s no stink, there’s no biohazardous waste product people or animals are going to track through, there’s no fouling of a building.
Unlike urinating, there aren’t rooms commonly available for breastfeeding–and bathrooms should *not* be considered anything other than an option of last resort for breastfeeding. That women regularly have no other choice but to use a narrow, cramped, unsanitary stall to feed their child is absolutely unacceptable. Why do we, as a society, put so little value on mothers that we would force them to feed infants in bathrooms? Why are we so uptight about breasts that we force mothers to feed their infants in bathrooms? They’re breasts, not growling dogs. They aren’t going to bite us if we get a little too close. Men aren’t suddenly going to lose all ability to control themselves if catch sight of a little clevage–or will they? It’s not immodest to feed your child, it’s the natural thing to do. If you can’t handle seeing a woman feeding her child, YOU are the one with the problem.
It is a completely false equivalent to compare breasts to a man’s penis. The breasts are not sex organs, the penis is. The purpose of the breast is for feeding infants and very young children. Breasts being sexualized and viewed as sexual organs is the result of men imposing their desires and their standards on women. They are linked to sexual activity because *humans* chose to do so. Humans can also choose to get a clue, wake up to the fact breasts were designed by God for feeding infants and very young children, and adjust their view of breasts accordingly. Before anyone reads way too much into what I’m saying, no, I don’t support women walking around shirtless. Modesty always. I don’t think men should go shirtless for the same reason. What I mean is society needs to stop hypersexualizing women and breasts and objectifying women and our breasts. The view of breasts needs to change. It needs to become MUCH less sexual and MUCH more about what breasts were designed by God for. De-sexualize breasts. Stop shoving breastfeeding into the bathroom, like it’s something dirty. De-shame breastfeeding.
If you see a woman breastfeeding and you think she’s showing too much skin, keep your mouth shut, your eyes forward, and continue walking. Yeah, you noticed her. And? That doesn’t mean you need to continue to stare. You do not–and should not–comment. Just. Keep. Going.
Thank you.
Hello 🙂 my amazing mom directed me to this post. I love these encouraging words. I’m 18 and it’s hard in this day and age to find uplifting comments like these about womanhood and acting like lady-like. I love it. Thanks for writing this!
Ditto! 🙂
Black and white thinking of breastfeeding and coverings is absurd. I never used a cover but none of my breasts was exposed. If a man really gets his jollies watching a woman breastfeed then he has issues.
What did this have to do with breastfeeding? I didn’t get that from the article at all. Dressing modestly doesn’t mean you have to cover up to breastfeed. I think it’s silly, too. You don’t eat with a blanket over your head, why should your baby? It’s not necessary to “whip it out” and show off in order to feed your baby. It can be done quite discreetly for crying out loud.
By the way, the Motherhood and More blog page had a lovely article on breastfeeding not long ago- you should check her out. I loved her sensible point of view. (and she’s for public feeding of babies, and believes it shouldn’t be a shamed thing!)
Thanks so very much. I’m very blessed and much uplifted by your words of wisdom. I read them regularly and I feel indebted when I dont. Thanks once again and continue informing many people like myself.
“support his crazy ideas”, are you serious? What if he’s making unwise discussions. God gave you a brain, don’t be afraid to use it.
Sorry *decisions
I don’t think she’s suggesting following like a lemming over a spiritual, financial, or emotional cliff, but sometimes women get too attached to security- for example, not wanting him to leave his corporate job for a position that might not have as much of a paycheck initially but allows him room to grow and pursue a dream.
I married an entrepreneur who owned a small hardware store with his parents. He wanted something bigger- he wanted to get into the local market of landscapers by taking on lines of power equipment. It was a risky move. The market is incredibly fickle and you have to work hard to earn a reputation among commercial landscapers.
When Lowes and Home Depot came into the area within a year of one another, his father finally relented and let him take on a line of commercial mowers. 15 years later, the business is clearing a healthy profit, in an area that’s otherwise financially depressed. Several of our competitors have gone out of business.
While my marriage didn’t last, I did learn the value of supporting his endeavors and respecting his ambition. It was scary- he could have taken a job elsewhere that would have provided us more security, but he chose to stick out the family business and make it work. That decision led to financial stability for his folks, who now plan to retire next year.
There’s a lot to be said for mutual respect in a marriage.
I love this, and would add that it could be completely turned to apply to our sons as well. There’s nothing wrong with being a real man either- having self control and self respect applies to both genders.
Don’t date a woman you don’t intend to marry. Also excellent advice. Point by point, these are excellent. I’m usually turned off by sanctimonious or needlessly old fashioned, stifling advice for young women, but this was refreshingly full of common sense and support.
If you had a bad relationship with a family member what would you do to make it right?
I love this!
“If you know he’s not a Christian” so, only Christian men are good men???? That’s offensive.
Sorry, Helen, but I’m offended by your lack of understanding. 🙂 Just kidding. If you really don’t know… Just to be sure, I just researched the top ten reasons for people getting divorced. Every one of them is either caused by, or worsened by an incompatibility of faith for women who follow their faith. It’s actually quite horrible for a committed, Bible-following Christian wife to be married to one who is not. There are books written about this if you really want to know more.
This was very enlightening.
This was more than awesome……it is a worth read.And a very uplifting timely reminder…God bless you for this….
This is excellent for our daughters, mothers to be and all females who want to live a life worth living. Some few points here may not sound modest to all female gender but this is a yard stick, they need to try out and readjust their lives, hover around these 20 things. ‘Lets leave the World the way God has made it’. We are in these mess today because of some few people, who thought they can recreate existence. There is nothing wrong with positive thinking, positive outcomes, technology and discoveries but their misuse have led to many aberrations of living, in that bad things are easily learned and the good very difficult. It is a natural inclination of Man to seek the easy way out but unfortunately some of these inclinations have become the bane of mankind existence.