Your Mom Has A Blog

Church Kids and Church Shootings

by 3 Comments

I could almost feel my eleven year old’s ears perk up as Chad and I talked in quiet tones about another church shooting, this one just a couple hours down the road from us. Our freckle-faced sixth grader listened without speaking, and I knew that he was picturing in his mind the same scene that I was imagining: our church. Our people. And the sound of gunshots ringing out.

There are no easy answers or simple platitudes to offer your children when their safe places are violated. How do you talk to church kids about the reality that even in God’s house, evil strikes? How do you hand your children hope and reassurance when the truth is sprawled across the internet in the form of live video: even here, where we worship the one true God, we are but vulnerable people who can be laid down by a sinner’s gun?

One thing we can’t do is tell them it will never happen to us. We can’t promise our children that pain or suffering or scary things won’t come their way, even when we are overwhelmingly tempted to do so. We would like to make all kinds of empty assurances to our children, just to erase the worry on their faces and the fear in their little hearts. We want to tell them that we will always protect them. That nothing bad can happen to them when they’re at school or at church or in our presence. We want to lie that there are no bad people out there who will try to harm them, and that sickness and trauma and death are worries for other people, not us.

There’s a reason children are notorious for lying awake at night when they ought to be sleeping, and it’s the same reason that many adults lie awake. This world is an unsure, unstable, and scary place. Kids get that reality from a young age. They may not be thinking about church shooters, but they are sure thinking about dark, shadowy corners in their rooms, bad dreams, strange noises, and the ever-present fear that something terrible is under their bed. All three of my kids had a firm grasp on many things to be afraid of before they were even speaking in complete sentences.  We have to give our kids something more substantial to cling to in a frightening world than hollow promises that they know we can’t keep.

Yet we also can’t tell our children that the great and very good God that we serve will always keep them out of harm’s way. We would be remiss to assure our children that God wouldn’t allow this or that to happen, because they can clearly see that terrible, devastating things happen to people who love the Lord every single day. So, just what do we say to our children when church shootings and brain tumors and car crashes and active shooter drills at school fill their minds with fear and their spirits with dread?

I guess the real truth is that saying words to our kids will only get us so far. They also have to see something in us; something special that looks very different from the rest of the world. They need to see us living out the kind of faith that led an imprisoned Paul to pen these words, through the power of the Holy Spirit: To live is Christ, but to die is gain.

What if instead of trying to convince our kids that bad things aren’t out there, we spent their growing up years showing them through God’s word and through our own lives that no matter what happens, God will see us through it, whether by taking care of us on this earth or taking care of us in Heaven? When we believe in Jesus, we are never outside the keeping of our doting Heavenly Father.

What if we taught our children that there is more to existence than this life? That eternal perspective changes the way things look here on earth? What if we showed our kids that even in a scary world, hope shines bright in the form of Jesus Christ? His victory over death is ours. His victorious resurrection will be ours, too. What if we could say with all conviction to our precious little ones that sin and sadness and shootings and sickness don’t get to have the final word?

We can only do these things if we truly believe them. If we are going to God’s word and reading the truth. If we are steeping ourselves in the full and glorious promises of the only real Promise-keeper. The further we venture from His word, the fuzzier our view of His power and goodness seems. For times like these, for the church shooter days and the monster under the bed nights, for the why did this have to happen conversations, there is only one source of wisdom and truth, and our kids are counting on us to be able to offer the real answers and real promises of our good God. This life is hard. Our kids don’t need temporary relief. They need the eternal reality that belongs to the children of God, an unvarnished truth so good that it leads especially their parents to look them in the face and whisper this certainty with all sincerity: To live is Christ, but to die is gain.

A Weary Mom Rejoices

by 8 Comments

Today I walked into a clothing store for teenagers. I was trying to finish my Christmas shopping, and I’m down to the little things now. In true mom fashion, I round out the kids’ Christmas gifts every year with new underwear and socks.  Having shopped in this place before, I knew that I could get a good deal, and as usual I generally ignored all of the other clothing in store, most of which is ridiculous.

But when I got to the bins at the back where moms dig through the sizes to get a good deal on undies for their teenagers, I discovered bin after bin of unmentionables that were plastered with dollar signs, twenty dollar bills, labels like “wild,” “bite me,” “cash money,” and parental warning advisories. Everything about these undergarments screamed I am for sale and I am a product to be consumed.

I came home and found an online warning from a local state trooper who has found that girls younger than my own daughter are being solicited and paid online for pictures of themselves: first just their feet. Then, when the girls realize they really do get paid for the photos, they send more, this time just wearing underwear (for a higher price), then nude, then sex videos. These young girls are being paid $20-$900 for pictures and videos of themselves, and because of a culture that continually reinforces the idea that their bodies are just products to sell, they are falling for these evil schemes that scar them mind, body, and soul.

What are young girls supposed to think when their stores are selling underwear with twenty dollar bills printed across the crotch? How should we, as Christian parents, combat this pornified culture where girls are constantly being sent the message that all that matters is who wants their bodies? How do we teach our boys to fight for purity and for the purity of their sisters in Christ? I am learning as I raise kids in this world that there are no simple answers. The temptation to consume and be consumed is all around.

It’s enough to make Christian parents despair.

But on days like today when I feel a little bit panicked about the state of this world, when I wonder how much further things can go, when I worry that my children will fall for every lie that this culture has to offer them, I (eventually) stop. I turn to that squirmy feeling in the pit of my stomach and I remind it that the Holy Spirit of God is still enough.

We can become so overwhelmed with all the shocking and horrific news that points to all that’s wrong with this world that we forget that God is as fully in control as He ever was. We think we need to scheme and plan and isolate our kids, and we lock them away like little hermits. Or we bury our heads in the sand and pretend like our kids are immune to sin, telling ourselves that the world isn’t what it actually is. And then every once in awhile, like tonight, when I was wondering if we should move to a compound someplace and hide from the evils of this world, the Holy Spirit ministers to me. Wisely, He reminds me that we don’t escape evil by hiding from the world because it lives in all of us. We are all wicked people who are capable of all kinds of atrocities. Even my precious children have hearts bent toward sin. Then He brings comfort. I’m reminded that Scripture teaches that when we know Christ sin no longer has dominion over us. There is no sin that the Holy Spirit can’t handle. There is no devastation or spiritual destruction or emotional pain that is too big for the power of God. This world is no match for the King of Kings.

So, once again I find myself in a familiar spot: remembering that I can’t fix everything. In fact, I can’t fix most things. And it’s in this place that I learn a little bit more about relying on God. Trusting Him with my children is surprisingly difficult sometimes because I want to act and do and work and strive and take over. But then I get completely overwhelmed with this job, which is entirely too big for little old me to take on. And in that golden moment I remember that all I really have to do is sit back and rest in the arms of my good, good God. He is trustworthy when this world is not. He is powerful, and I am oh so weak. He is big enough to rescue my children, and I am not.

All of these truths the Holy Spirit whispers to a tired mama on an ordinary Tuesday. In the glow of the Christmas tree tonight, the Prince of Peace seems more real than ever. A thrill of hope, a weary mom rejoices. Because her God is sufficient. He always has been, and He always will be.

Things Stay-at-Home Mothers Aren’t Allowed to Talk About

by 35 Comments

I saw a fascinating video the other day of Mayim Bialik, the famously crunchy, extreme-attachment-parenting mother with a phD and a Big Bang Theory cult following.  In the video, Mayim explains and defends her decision to stay at home with her children while they were young. What strikes me about her demeanor is that she seems a bit apologetic, saying many times during the course of her monologue that staying home with her children was her personal choice that was right for her at the time and might not be right for everyone.

As I watched, I recognized the hesitation there, the sense that we stay-at-home moms are really not allowed to talk about the benefits of staying home with our kids, for fear that we might make another mother who chooses to work or has to work feel guilty or judged. It’s difficult for a mother like me to extol in the public square all the great things about staying home with children. Mom guilt is such an extreme handicap for all of us that I would never want to pile more of that onto my fellow mothers. Yet, the world needs women who are advocates for the stay-at-home life. Why? Because society needs dynamic women in the home as much as it needs dynamic women in the boardroom.

As a child I learned a lot about the benefits of having one of those dynamic women pouring all of her energies into our family and home. My mother was always available to me. She dedicated her creativity and her brain power to making our home a warm, neat, and welcoming place to be. My mom had lots of interests when I was a kid. She was an avid reader, a brilliant decorator, a great photographer, and she even dabbled in drawing and painting and was quite gifted. My mother made every holiday great fun, and the woman cooked several meals a day most every day. She encouraged me in my faith and encouraged me in every other way, too.

Now, I’m not saying that my mother couldn’t have done all of those things while she worked outside of our home. But, I am saying that they would have been infinitely harder for her to accomplish. She made the decision, as many do, to sacrifice any accolades she could have received from a career, to give up the clothing budget that her working friends had, to pinch pennies and run a tight ship so that our family could have what we wanted and needed. And then she threw herself into our family with her whole heart and mind. I will forever be grateful to her for that.

My mom gave me the gift of herself undivided. And what a gift she was (and is). Her children rise up and call her blessed.

These are all ideas that are quite taboo to talk about in our diverse society, where women follow lots of different and good paths. Not everyone has the desire or the financial ability to stay at home. But, I want to encourage those women who are thinking about becoming stay-at-home moms. Maybe you are looking at your budget trying to decide if you can make it on one income. Maybe you are a young woman and the world is telling you that career is everything, but all you want to do is stay home with babies someday.

To you stay-at-home hopefuls, I say go for it. As one who is living the double blessing of having had a mom at home and being a mom at home, I can tell you that it is an absolute treasure of a life. I am so grateful to God for every year that Chad and I can make this work.

To all of you working mamas out there, God bless you. I have no idea how you do what you do, but I know that you love your families fiercely and you fight hard to be everything to everyone who needs you. I admire you, and our world would be a lesser place without you.

Emerald made me a card this weekend, saying she loves it that I “didn’t want a job.” I have never specifically talked with her about being a stay-at-home mom, but at seven years old she is already understanding a little bit of my heart when it comes to our family. I don’t know if she’ll wind up being the PTO President or a CEO, but if she chooses to stay home with babies, I pray that she will find in it the complete joy that I have. Because this world needs kind and artistic and smart and funny women like her in the kitchens and the laundry rooms and the carpool lines, and there is nothing at all wrong with her giving herself to her family, undivided.

A Cell Phone Agreement for the Christian Teen

by Leave a Comment

After almost fifteen years, we are finally jumping into the world of cell phones with our first-born. As a follower of Christ and one who has seen the ways that cell phones can lead kids astray, change their priorities and personalities, and provide plenty of easy and “private” ways for kids to sin against God, Adelade is dipping a toe into these waters with caution and a heart that wants to please the Lord. For that I am so grateful. I want her to understand that God’s grace is enough for any mistakes that she will make as she begins to navigate the world of text messaging, social media, and the internet. But, I also don’t want her or Chad and me to enter into this new era lightly. I want us to come to this moment with hearts and minds that are tuned to God’s word and His commands for living according to it.

So, I didn’t want to create a document for her to sign that I called a “contract.” Not because I think there’s necessarily anything wrong with that, but because I don’t want this to be set up in her mind or ours as a list of do’s and don’ts. I don’t want her to view the phone as a wicked machine bent on her destruction. Nor do I want her to feel like if she fails in any of these areas that she is, then, a failure. The truth is that we all face temptations to say what we shouldn’t, to react in the wrong ways, to look at things that aren’t edifying, to waste time, to be lazy, to ignore our family, and to hurt our witness as Christians while we use and live with and enjoy cell phones.

Instead, I wrote an agreement that I hope will help her to think through the ways that she uses her phone. The idea is to help her commit in her mind ahead of time, before the temptations arise, that she will follow the Lord’s leading and not her own flesh. I firmly feel that kids need a plan as to how to handle temptations, especially when it comes to cell phone use. As parents, it’s our job to guide them through such a plan.

With that in mind, this agreement is sort of a road map that helped us talk through all of the different ways that we know, according to God’s word, that she can walk in holiness with a cell phone in her pocket. I wanted to make sure there is a strong emphasis on the gospel, on God’s grace and on the power of the Holy Spirit within us. Our discussion as we walked through the agreement together went well beyond what is listed here, but it was a great jumping off place and helped me take these ideas far beyond the realm of legalism into examining our hearts and considering the why and the what now of temptations that we face as cell phone users.

Cell Phone Agreement

As I know that cell phones can be good things which are often misused, tempting us to act, talk, or think in ways that are not God-honoring, I agree to commit to the following:

  1. I will strive to avoid gossip, bad-mouthing, and discouraging or unwholesome talk. (Ephesians 4:29)
  2. I will guard my eyes and heart against images that dishonor God, knowing that pornography is real, readily available, and that I will be targeted by that industry in the hopes that I will become a regular customer. I am fully aware that nothing on the internet is truly private. I will not look at things that I wouldn’t want my mother, father, or Sunday school teacher seeing. (Philippians 4:8)
  3. I will never send or post a photo or video of someone without their permission. This includes siblings. (Luke 6:31)
  4. I will not be so preoccupied with my phone that I ignore situations or people around me. I will remember that God has called me to love those around me, and that’s hard to do when I’m staring at a screen. (Ephesians 5:1-2)
  5. Whenever possible, I will put my phone to good use as a tool of gospel outreach, encouragement, and care for others. (Matthew 5:16)
  6. I will not send compromising photos of myself to anyone. If someone sends compromising photos to me, I will take my phone directly to my parents without reply. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
  7. I will continue to study and learn God’s word so that I have discernment on the internet, recognizing which ideas are biblical and which aren’t. I acknowledge that most of the world’s advice is directly opposed to what the Bible teaches, and I will be vigilant in clinging to the truth of the Bible above all else. (2 Timothy 3:16-17)
  8. I understand that nothing on my phone is secret or private. My parents have apps that report my activity, and they will also regularly look through all of my content. This is one way that my parents help keep me safe and hold me accountable as a fellow Christian and beloved child. (Hebrews 13:17, Hebrews 10:23-24)

I understand that this agreement before the Lord is between my parents and me. I know that in any arena of life, temptation can only be overcome with the help of the Holy Spirit. So, I will rely on Christ, and I will remember that with the Holy Spirit’s help, NO temptation is too strong to resist. (1 Corinthians 10:13, 2 Timothy 1:7) And when I do sin, I will remember that my sin is no match for the wonderful grace of my loving, compassionate God. (Hebrews 4:15-16)

I know that my parents are a safe haven for me and that they understand the temptations that come with cell phones. I will not be afraid to talk with them about anything, and especially not something that is worrying me, upsetting me, convicting me, or scaring me.

 

Signed:_______________________________   Date:__________________________

As Christian parents, we really don’t have to be terrified of what is out there. God’s word gives us the tools we need to teach our children well. They will make mistakes. They will struggle and they will question and they will rebel in their own ways. They will face situations they have no idea how to handle, but if we begin with an open dialogue that tackles sin and temptation head on, they will be much more likely to look to us when trouble does arise. I pray that this agreement is just the beginning of an ongoing conversation about what is happening in the online world that Adelade is entering.

Please note that we also use internet filters and accountability software. If you would like to talk through this agreement with your kids, I’ve created a pdf file that you are welcome to print and use. Just click here.

In Defense of Prudent Parenting

by 8 Comments

I’ve heard the argument many times through the years. “Cool” Christian parents love to use it. They have no problem with their kids watching television shows and movies or playing video games that are filled with profanity and vulgarity of all kinds, for this simple reason: It’s no worse than what they’re hearing at school.

Now, I have a daughter in the ninth grade, so I know for a fact that these parents are 100% correct. In the hallways of school, the f-word is bandied about constantly. Sexual jokes are common, and inappropriate talk is a way of life. It’s difficult to be a Christian kid in a public school, but it can be done, and what a mission field it is. I have complete faith that the Lord is using school as a training ground for my girl, helping her learn to love those who are sometimes difficult to love. Helping her understand how great the need is in our world for the only good one, Jesus Christ.

I know that she hears these things at school. However, you will not see me inviting foul-mouthed kids into my living room and sitting my children on the couch so that they can listen to an unlimited supply of the f-word. Doing that would be weird and spiritually confusing. Regardless of what the cool parents claim, there should be a huge difference in what my children see and hear outside of our home and what they see and hear inside of it. Christian homes should be filled with what is pure, right, noble, and lovely. These are the things that we should be encouraging our children to think on. Personal holiness in our children begins with what we approve of inside the walls of our own houses. Allowing our kids to consume profanity-ridden entertainment in our living rooms is tantamount to putting our stamp of approval on the very language that they are putting up with all day at school. I want my kids’ ears to be tuned to God’s word, not the world’s words, and if our home is a haven of godly teaching and wholesome entertainment, then every time they hear an f-bomb dropped at school, it be a sour note that helps show them the difference between living for Christ and living for everything else.

I know. It’s only language. Words. But, don’t fool yourself, cool Christian parents. It matters what your kids hear inside your home. How can we expect our kids to love the Lord with all their heart, soul, and mind if we say we are for holiness, but our actions show them that entertainment is more important? What a sad substitute for an all-in faith.

Why We Go to Church on Vacation

by 5 Comments

Today I found myself sitting down to make a list of all of the things that I’ll need to pack for our family of five for our upcoming vacation. We try to escape for a few days every summer, a chance for my pastor husband to get away, at least physically, from the demands of being everyone’s go-to guy when things get tough. I don’t think that it’s really possible for either of us to leave our dear church behind in our heads or hearts (nor do we want to), but it’s so nice and necessary to spend some time focusing on our little family having fun together.

Some years our vacation plans cause us to miss a Sunday at our church, and on those years we all get excited about choosing a church to visit while we’re away. Now, you may wonder why in the world a pastor’s family would look forward to going to church on vacation. Isn’t going to any church sort of like going to work? And the simple answer to that question is no. Church is not work. It’s our family, our support system, our place of worship, and our lifeline to the truth of God’s word. The church is not just a place we go–it’s who we are.

I remember when Chad and I were newlyweds. The first Sunday of our new life together rolled around, and he cheerfully hopped out of bed and informed me that we were going to church. I had a more lenient view of church attendance–I thought that it was no big deal to skip a Sunday here and there, especially in your first week of marriage. But, Chad set a precedent that morning that we have stuck to through the past twenty years. There is really and truly no place we would rather be than in God’s house on Sunday mornings, partly because God has used that faithfulness in worship to bless us in so many ways through the years that I couldn’t even begin to write them all down.

There are a few other reasons that we wouldn’t dare miss the opportunity to worship with our fellow believers on a vacation Sunday.

1. It’s encouraging.

It’s an encouragement to visit churches in other parts of the country while we travel. It gives us an opportunity to witness what God is doing in other places, and it reminds us that He is working in so many ways that we don’t see. Walking into a building and knowing that we have a deep connection with a bunch of strangers just because we all love the Lord is really uplifting and reminds us of the sweet fellowship of Heaven.

2. It sends a message to our children.

Something seems very wrong about being blessed beyond belief by a fun vacation and then flouting a chance to worship the One who provided it. When we make church attendance a priority all the time (even on vacation), we show our kids that worship is not all about a place or certain friends or familiarity, but it is about Jesus. It helps us to focus and to remind our kids that this is a way of life, not just a ritual or routine. Even when it might not be familiar or completely convenient, we are still going to find a church and honor our Savior on Sundays.

3. It’s fun.

We have a great time entering a church as guests and experiencing the way that another church does things. It sparks lively conversations afterward about what they are doing and how they’re doing it. Often it inspires us to come back home to our own church and institute some great idea that we got from a church on vacation. It’s fascinating to see how other awesome churches operate, and we always enjoy trying something different that’s out of our normal routine.

4. Where else would we be?

For our kids, it’s a no-brainer. If it’s Sunday, we’re at church, even when we’re away from home. They would be shocked and dismayed if a Sunday came and went and we spent it sleeping in or even lying on the beach, not because they are trying to be rule-following do-gooders, but because they have learned to love worship, and their very best memories of life have happened right inside church buildings. They have discovered, like we have, that inside the church we find hope, truth, and love. So, where else would we be on a Sunday?

God provides so many sweet opportunities to worship during our short time on earth, and His people have been such a source of joy and friendship and encouragement through the years. I’m grateful for that late May day back in 1999 when my brand new husband declared that on Sundays, we worship. It has made all the difference. When we vacation, we don’t want to take a break from being who we are. We’re grateful to be God’s children, and we enjoy being with our brothers and sisters worshiping Him, no matter where we may roam. I thank God for the privilege. May we never take it for granted.

Mothers Don’t Get Days. We Get Moments.

by 5 Comments

I could fill the world with books about the moments I’ve had as a mother. Seconds exchanged, glimpses of the glories of God found in the faces of the three children that I love most. Moments. Just passing, casual, regular minutes that burrow themselves into my heart, flashes of life so real that they weigh me down and they push me forward and they always, always keep me looking back at what God has done.

Some of the moments that I treasure the most are things that my children aren’t even aware of. Secrets that reveal themselves in the middle of a dark night, when an exhausted young mom feels like she is the only person in the world who is still awake. I remember the resentment that I tried to beat back as my guilty heart gazed down at the source of my complete weariness. I wanted to sleep, yet here was this needy little baby, greedily crying out for food at a most inconvenient time. Some nights I would wonder how amazing it must be to be a dad, snoozing happily through all of the turmoil and trouble that a night with a baby sometimes brings. But inevitably I would lift a milk-drunk darling’s head to rest on my shoulder, and there I would hear a tiny sigh of contentment, like the still, small voice of God, and I would remember that sleep is overrated.

Don’t ask a mother to measure this experience in days. The days are filled with the non-magical. Of unpleasant odors and disobedient children and astounding messes. The days, on the whole, may be overwhelming and disheartening and tear-filled. They may knock a mother to her knees, convince her that she is utterly incapable of raising children. You see, the days are the hard part. But in the moments a mother finds her strength and her encouragement and her awe.  It only takes the most minuscule glimpse of the love of God to gird a mother up and steel her for another day of non-magic. The moments are flashbulbs that light the way for a weary mother’s heart: the way a baby will sometimes throw his head back and cackle. The sheer joy in a kindergartner’s face when she spots her mama at the end of a school day. The way a fifth grader will occasionally slip his hand inside his mother’s. Waking in the morning light to the sound of a precious little voice calling. Love notes in elementary scrawl.

When it comes to Mother’s Day, every mother knows that there is no such thing. It’s just another chance, like all days are, for God to take our breath away with one baby smile. For Him to whisper His love and care for us through the tiniest moments that have nothing to do with breakfast in bed or spa days or gift cards. The real treasures of motherhood are far removed from the picture perfect poses that flood Instagram. Mothers are much more likely to run smack into a cherished moment during a long, miserable night with a vomiting child than we are at a Mother’s Day brunch. And somehow, as God pours out His love through us, He also pours His love on us through needy, often unreasonable, regularly pitiful children who happen to have a knack for pointing us to the great, precious, unequaled love of the Father, one gracious moment at a time.

What a gift.

Distrust of the World Should be a Mark of Christianity

by 1 Comment

Oh, Momo. I’ve grown weary of the outrage and the panic and the shock over this overblown and not all that impactful scary monster of the internet. If you are shocked by the notion of Momo, then there is a whole wide world of truly terrifying things on the internet that are going to send you into a tizzy. To be honest, some largely folklore-ish chicken lady with bugged out eyes is the least of our internet worries.

Parents, even Christian parents, are far too trusting of what the world produces. If it has the label “for kids” on it, parents put it in their child’s hands without a hint of worry. American Christians are practically experts at burying their heads in the sand, choosing to allow their children to consume things that are vaguely bothersome, but if it’s made for kids, then how bad can it really be? Parents make decisions without stopping to consider who is producing the content that their children are being exposed to. They choose not to dwell on the fact that a biblical worldview is repugnant to most who create programming and gaming for children, and they blindly trust that what some vague strangers have cooked up for their children is wholesome, edifying, and maybe more truthfully, distracting and entertaining.

Meanwhile, their children spend hours on some days letting the world pour knowledge and understanding and paradigms of thinking into their hearts and minds. Christian parents, just feet away in some cases, are completely oblivious to the fact that what their children are learning has nothing to do with godliness, goodness, or even logical constructs of human interaction.

As Christians we should have at least enough wisdom to understand that we cannot trust this world. The Bible clearly teaches us that we are not home–we are aliens in a world that seeks to destroy us (Hebrews 13:14, 1 Peter 5:8-9). Jesus said: “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you” (John 15:18-19). 

If we believe the Bible then we must let it inform the way we think and act. Too often we buy into the idea that people are basically good and trustworthy, even though scripture repeatedly tells us otherwise. If we believe what Jesus taught then we have to take a few steps back and view parenthood through the lens He created for us: this world is bad. Really bad. And the last precious little things we should trust it with are our children.

I don’t say these things to cause us to lose hope as we raise children in these times. God knew exactly which times we would be called to raise children in. He has placed us here for a purpose and will give us His power through the Holy Spirit to make decisions that reflect our worldview. No, I am not trying to discourage parents. I write these things because I tire of Christians being so shocked by how wicked this world is. I get frustrated by the fact that parents won’t listen and learn and know what is out there and what the facts are. I grow weary of Christian parents not having a biblical worldview, not being committed to a way of living that is different from the world, and it is somewhat deflating when I see Christian parents go into a full-blown panic over something like Momo when what is really damaging the hearts and minds of our kids is much more common and insidious. The very devices you are handing them, Moms and Dads, are teaching them a whole set of values. Do you know what those values are? Do you know what this world wants to teach your kids? Do you know how hard some are working to turn the hearts of your children away from God and away from you? Because it is happening, whether you want to admit it or not.

It is so easy to point to some ridiculousness like Momo and call it evil. It takes much more diligence, much more seeking the Lord, much more study and prayer and awareness and determination to realize all of the more innocent-looking ways that the world is setting up camp in your living room through your kids’ devices. What IS your worldview? And how are you teaching it to your children? All of the Momo panic has highlighted at least one thing: this world is bad. But then, Jesus already told us that.

These are strange times for raising children. We can’t do it without Bibles in our hands and God’s word in our hearts.  We need knowledge of the Truth before we can combat the lies. And we need a deep down, urgent sense of how little trust that this world deserves, especially when it comes to our children. And in all of this, still, we can parent with optimism: Jesus is our hope and our children’s salvation. “I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

Why I See Bright Hope in Our Children’s Generation

by 6 Comments

This weekend I spoke at a retreat for preteen girls. We didn’t talk about modesty or boys or makeup tips. We didn’t discuss friendship or time management. Instead we spent the day dwelling on the absolute, perfect truth of God’s word. We talked about the Bible as the authority for all of life and Jesus as the answer to our very real and very present sin problem.

In the afternoon I had a meeting with mothers, and we sat together and faced the realities of this world that we are trying to raise disciples in. My fourteen year old Adelade sat on the front row and listened to us discuss everything from pornography to YouTube to sex education, and as our time came to an end, she quietly asked if she could say something. Then, in her level-headed, calm way, she encouraged the mothers to talk with their children early and often about sexuality, since so many of her own eighth grade classmates are struggling to understand where on the growing spectrum of sexuality that they fall.

When I was a preteen, a girls’ retreat would be focused on more superficial things. We would hear that we are doing great and that God finds us beautiful and that if we want friends we have to be friends. We would have been told that Christian girls don’t wear skirts that are too short and we may have even had a makeup demonstration. Nothing is wrong with these things, but those things aren’t what we really needed to hear.

We were living in a culture that didn’t often demand more from our churches.

But, our kids are growing up in a completely different world. It isn’t going to be enough to urge them to change their behavior. It isn’t going to be enough to tell them Bible stories as morality lessons or to equip them with self-help advice. The culture of their youth is awakening churches to rediscover the true gospel, to re-establish in the hearts of the people the reality that God’s word is the ultimate authority in our lives, to show us just how far we are from a holy God, to wave His standards of holiness like a banner, to throw His grace and mercy to a dying world like the life-and-soul-preservers that they are. For our children, repentance will be the theme of their growing up, perseverance in the face of a culture gone cold to the ways of God. They will have to grow a true, faith-fueled, God-honoring relationship with the Lord to survive the world in which they will come of age. No half-baked religious play time will be enough to sustain these boys and girls. They will have to rise as men and women of great faith, of total conviction, of solid doctrine, of sound theology. They will have to know and love God’s word, and they will have to know and love God.

Otherwise, in this age of anything goes but Jesus, they will crumble and fall away from the superficial religion that we tried to bubble wrap them in. Our kids don’t need to be hidden away. They don’t need for us to pretend the biggest issue they’re going to face is whether girls should call boys. Not in a world where preteens are sending naked pictures to each other. They need to be armed with the truth, both the truth of what the culture surrounding them really is and the truth of what the Bible really is.

I see this happening more and more. I see a generation that is being taught a biblical worldview, that is learning like no other American generation has had to before what kind of faith that it takes to stand up to lies, distortions, persecution, and hatred. It see it in my own daughter–she needs more to cling to than cliches and Christian tshirts. She needs a true, solid, unshakable faith that informs her every thought as she analyzes the world around her. She needs a worldview that is rooted in scripture. She needs the eyes and mind of Christ. No nominal faith will be enough for her–not in this world that wants to devour her heart and soul.

I believe we will soon see a generation that may be fewer in number but more firm in faith than any we have seen for a long time. These kids are growing up with extreme pressure from outside forces, a pressure that I believe will press them even more firmly into the shape of Jesus Christ as we guide them according to the very words of God. I have a bright hope for the kind of bold, God-fearing disciples we will see rise from the ashes of their generation. May God bless them as they glorify His name, blinding lights in an otherwise dark and depressing world. I believe He will do it.

Raising Pro-Life Children in a Culture of Death

by 2 Comments

The latest sound bytes coming out of New York and Virginia have caused most of us terrible grief, as we look up from our day-to-day lives and recognize that our country really has turned into a culture of death. So many facets of our society proclaim that human life isn’t worth much, but none so boldly and unapologetically as the shameful sin of abortion. As the conversation now shifts from the killing of infants in the womb to the killing of infants lying in a hospital bassinet, we look into the faces of our own children and wonder what sort of world they will be raising kids in. What sort of decisions will they face when it comes to the lives of their babies, and will they revere human life enough to know which decision to make? Will they grow up recognizing all people as special creations, made in the image of the one true God? Or will they listen to the demented arguments of those hellbent on killing and find them quite reasonable?

It all boils down to worldview. How can we instill a pro-life ethos in our children? No matter what is happening outside the front door of our homes, how do we create and foster and cherish a culture of life inside our own families? I believe it is entirely possible, but only if we talk to our children. If we shy away from the tough subjects with our kids, they will be left to guess how to process all of things that they see and hear around them. They need our guidance. And, most importantly, they need guidance from a biblical perspective. In the way that we live and in the way that we teach our children, our goal should always be raising true disciples who leave our homes with a crystal clear biblical lens through which to see and understand the world.  With that in mind, here are four ways that we can help our children grow up with a reverence for human life.

1. Teach them that human beings are different from the rest of creation. Our kids need to learn from an early age that human beings are special. Not only were we created in the image of the creator God, we were also created for relationship with Him. We have souls that will never die, and we were appointed to look after and take care of the rest of His creation. Every human life is precious because we are a reflection of our Creator. Our children need to understand that all the animals in the world, as sweet as they can be, are not as precious as a single human life. (Genesis 1:26-27, Mark 12:30)

2. Teach them about abortion. Our children need to know that abortion exists. They need to know that there are people in our country who make it their life mission to see abortion widely accepted and regularly utilized. Even younger children can understand the concept, and they will unequivocally recognize that it is wrong. We can use abortion as an opportunity to show our children how wicked the human heart really is, how bent toward sin it is, and how easily and quickly we try to justify our sins. With older children, we can show them examples of the kind of rhetoric that would try to convince them that abortion is none of their business. Then we can teach them otherwise. (Jeremiah 17:9, Romans 3:23)

3. Teach them that people are worth our time. Our children need to know that no one is worthless or not worth helping or not worth dealing with. People can be difficult, no doubt. They can be annoying and needy. But, through our actions and attitudes toward the human beings around us, we can show our children that people are worth the bother. They are worth the investment and the care and the time. The last thing our children should ever see us doing is writing someone off as hopeless. If anyone is a special creation of God, there is always hope. We can teach our children to look into the face of every person, even those that are more difficult to love or even tolerate, and recognize them as one made in the image of God. (Incidentally, this includes the abortion activists.) (John 13:34, Romans 15:13)

4. Teach them to serve others. Our children need to know that one of the fastest ways to see the value in another individual is by serving them. When we serve others we bind ourselves to them in a special way. We humble ourselves and put the needs of another ahead of our own. One of the most formative experiences that I regularly had as a child was going to a nursing home with my church. Even now, I always leave the nursing home with a greater understanding of the enduring worth of human life. When we share these experiences with our children, they, too, will begin to see humanity as something much bigger than their own experiences. And they will have a clearer view of how God uses people, in all phases and stages of life, to accomplish His will and purposes. (Galatians 5:3, Romans 12:1)

We are in the perfect position while our kids are still in our homes to fill their hearts and minds with the things of God. May the Lord bless you as you teach your children. I pray that together we will raise up a pro-life generation that will seek to honor God in this battle for life. And in all things. Amen.

%d bloggers like this: