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The Time to Pray is Before the Shooting Starts

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I’ve noticed a disturbing trend among Christians. We are not a praying people.

Oh, we love the idea of prayer. We love sharing memes about it and ranting on social media about prayer in schools. We love organizing prayer vigils after some awful tragedy has struck. We follow the same predictable patterns of making prayer low priority until we have absolutely no other recourse but to turn to the God of the Universe.

As His children, we must start examining what it is that keeps us from prayer. Is it that we really don’t believe that God is in control? Or do we just not care what He does until He does something that negatively affects us? Do we really think that the best time to pray is after the mass shooting?

At most prayer meetings, only a fraction of the church takes time to attend. It isn’t a time issue. Parents and grandparents alike can make it to every little league game, anytime, anywhere, with three or four kids in tow. In most cases it isn’t a matter of limited mobility or poor health. The majority of us are perfectly able to meet together to pray. We just don’t want to.

Imagine how our communities and churches and schools might change if we approached the throne of God with an expectation that He will hear our prayers. With an excitement about what He will do with the pleas of His people.  Consider how things might be different if we had eyes to see how He uses our prayers to accomplish His will, if we had the faith to believe that prayer really matters.

Imagine if we weren’t afraid to humble ourselves before our God, before our family and friends and fellow believers, if we marked prayer meetings on our calendars in ink, making it clear to our children that we make prayer with fellow believers a priority in our homes. Instead, most of us hear the words “prayer meeting” and tune out. Not for us. Not important. Not worth our time.

We spend so much time worrying about the world our kids and grandkids are growing up in, so many hours scheming and planning ways to shelter them, and so little time talking to the One who can actually change things. If you want to know the truth, it isn’t the youth of today or the evil governments or the wicked schemes of man that make me fear for the future. It’s the empty prayer meetings.

“The Cinderella of the Church today is the prayer meeting. This handmaid of the Lord is unloved and unwooed because she is not dripping with pearls of intellectualism, nor glamorous with the silks of philosophy, neither is she enchanting with the tiara of psychology. She wears the homespuns of sincerity and humility and so is not afraid to kneel.” – Leonard Ravenhill

A Cell Phone Agreement for the Christian Teen

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After almost fifteen years, we are finally jumping into the world of cell phones with our first-born. As a follower of Christ and one who has seen the ways that cell phones can lead kids astray, change their priorities and personalities, and provide plenty of easy and “private” ways for kids to sin against God, Adelade is dipping a toe into these waters with caution and a heart that wants to please the Lord. For that I am so grateful. I want her to understand that God’s grace is enough for any mistakes that she will make as she begins to navigate the world of text messaging, social media, and the internet. But, I also don’t want her or Chad and me to enter into this new era lightly. I want us to come to this moment with hearts and minds that are tuned to God’s word and His commands for living according to it.

So, I didn’t want to create a document for her to sign that I called a “contract.” Not because I think there’s necessarily anything wrong with that, but because I don’t want this to be set up in her mind or ours as a list of do’s and don’ts. I don’t want her to view the phone as a wicked machine bent on her destruction. Nor do I want her to feel like if she fails in any of these areas that she is, then, a failure. The truth is that we all face temptations to say what we shouldn’t, to react in the wrong ways, to look at things that aren’t edifying, to waste time, to be lazy, to ignore our family, and to hurt our witness as Christians while we use and live with and enjoy cell phones.

Instead, I wrote an agreement that I hope will help her to think through the ways that she uses her phone. The idea is to help her commit in her mind ahead of time, before the temptations arise, that she will follow the Lord’s leading and not her own flesh. I firmly feel that kids need a plan as to how to handle temptations, especially when it comes to cell phone use. As parents, it’s our job to guide them through such a plan.

With that in mind, this agreement is sort of a road map that helped us talk through all of the different ways that we know, according to God’s word, that she can walk in holiness with a cell phone in her pocket. I wanted to make sure there is a strong emphasis on the gospel, on God’s grace and on the power of the Holy Spirit within us. Our discussion as we walked through the agreement together went well beyond what is listed here, but it was a great jumping off place and helped me take these ideas far beyond the realm of legalism into examining our hearts and considering the why and the what now of temptations that we face as cell phone users.

Cell Phone Agreement

As I know that cell phones can be good things which are often misused, tempting us to act, talk, or think in ways that are not God-honoring, I agree to commit to the following:

  1. I will strive to avoid gossip, bad-mouthing, and discouraging or unwholesome talk. (Ephesians 4:29)
  2. I will guard my eyes and heart against images that dishonor God, knowing that pornography is real, readily available, and that I will be targeted by that industry in the hopes that I will become a regular customer. I am fully aware that nothing on the internet is truly private. I will not look at things that I wouldn’t want my mother, father, or Sunday school teacher seeing. (Philippians 4:8)
  3. I will never send or post a photo or video of someone without their permission. This includes siblings. (Luke 6:31)
  4. I will not be so preoccupied with my phone that I ignore situations or people around me. I will remember that God has called me to love those around me, and that’s hard to do when I’m staring at a screen. (Ephesians 5:1-2)
  5. Whenever possible, I will put my phone to good use as a tool of gospel outreach, encouragement, and care for others. (Matthew 5:16)
  6. I will not send compromising photos of myself to anyone. If someone sends compromising photos to me, I will take my phone directly to my parents without reply. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
  7. I will continue to study and learn God’s word so that I have discernment on the internet, recognizing which ideas are biblical and which aren’t. I acknowledge that most of the world’s advice is directly opposed to what the Bible teaches, and I will be vigilant in clinging to the truth of the Bible above all else. (2 Timothy 3:16-17)
  8. I understand that nothing on my phone is secret or private. My parents have apps that report my activity, and they will also regularly look through all of my content. This is one way that my parents help keep me safe and hold me accountable as a fellow Christian and beloved child. (Hebrews 13:17, Hebrews 10:23-24)

I understand that this agreement before the Lord is between my parents and me. I know that in any arena of life, temptation can only be overcome with the help of the Holy Spirit. So, I will rely on Christ, and I will remember that with the Holy Spirit’s help, NO temptation is too strong to resist. (1 Corinthians 10:13, 2 Timothy 1:7) And when I do sin, I will remember that my sin is no match for the wonderful grace of my loving, compassionate God. (Hebrews 4:15-16)

I know that my parents are a safe haven for me and that they understand the temptations that come with cell phones. I will not be afraid to talk with them about anything, and especially not something that is worrying me, upsetting me, convicting me, or scaring me.

 

Signed:_______________________________   Date:__________________________

As Christian parents, we really don’t have to be terrified of what is out there. God’s word gives us the tools we need to teach our children well. They will make mistakes. They will struggle and they will question and they will rebel in their own ways. They will face situations they have no idea how to handle, but if we begin with an open dialogue that tackles sin and temptation head on, they will be much more likely to look to us when trouble does arise. I pray that this agreement is just the beginning of an ongoing conversation about what is happening in the online world that Adelade is entering.

Please note that we also use internet filters and accountability software. If you would like to talk through this agreement with your kids, I’ve created a pdf file that you are welcome to print and use. Just click here.

I Deserve This: One of My Heart’s Favorite Lies

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The world has watched it over and over again. US Women’s Soccer Co-Captain Megan Rapinoe stands with one leg propped on a railing, balancing the World Cup trophy on her bent knee. She holds a bottle of champagne and thrusts her chin in the air, loudly declaring behind pink sunglasses: “I deserve this.” When her teammate asks Megan what she deserves, the answer is simple: “Everything.”

Glamour claims that this moment is a “mood.” Others have called it an inspiration and a battle cry for women everywhere. I suppose for once in my life I would have to agree with Glamour. I do see Megan’s declaration as a mood. It’s a mood that I recognize because I have so often lived in it–that space inside my own mind and heart where I tell myself that I deserve more. I deserve better. I am owed. I am underappreciated.

This snippet of video has caused all kinds of controversy online. Despite the claims that this is a bright moment for women, many recognize the problem with a team co-captain hoarding glory after a victory. As human beings, we like to see the moments when a sports hero gives all the credit to her teammates. We love watching a star quarterback insist that his team made it all possible. When someone is greedy for glory, even a very talented someone, it makes it difficult for us to admire them. There is something inside of human beings that recognizes that humility is a superior quality.

The reason behind this, of course, is a spiritual one. When we see humility in someone, we are recognizing, even if we don’t realize it, a Christlikeness. We are seeing the image of God reflected clearly in another, and it is beautiful. Even those who have never heard the name of Jesus are innately drawn to a humble hero, as literature through the ages clearly illustrates. Everyone loves an unassuming champion, and we generally despise a gloating victor.

Even though the Glamour editors will tell you that anyone who isn’t keen on Megan Rapinoe’s swagger is anti-woman, the truth is that most people can’t help being repulsed by such overt self-promotion and boasting coming from any man, woman, or child. This feeling, like all desires for nobler and higher ways, is one way the breath of God imbibes us all–when our created hearts see reflections of our Creator in others, and we are drawn to the qualities of Christ. Even the godless can’t resist the urge to cheer on the humble winner and scorn the proud bragger.

For those of us who are in Christ, let Megan’s “I deserve this” moment be a cautionary tale. As much as we are drawn to humility in others, we are prone to prideful self-promotion ourselves. We can be disgusted by another’s pride while overlooking our own, and we so quickly forget that every single good gift comes from the Lord. We love taking credit. We love being singled out for praise and glory. Pretending that we see something in Megan Rapinoe that we don’t daily battle within ourselves is as false as false can be. In reality we are all glory hogs, and we all need a Savior. He bore the awful weight of what we truly deserve, and when our lying hearts start to tell us all of the things we are owed, let us remember the cross. Jesus received a punishment He didn’t deserve to bring us a mercy we could never earn. We deserve nothing. He gives us everything.

You won’t read that in Glamour magazine. You won’t see it in any viral videos. It is more than a “mood” or a moment. It is Life. I’m grateful that God gives us what we don’t deserve to rescue us from what we do.

The Lord is Building This House

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Today a friend of ours was on my mind. I don’t always do a good job of praying for those who come to my mind, even though I know I should. But, today I prayed for him. I know that he is facing a tough time at work, and I know he has a challenging job where people (even his friends) are sometimes unhappy with the decisions he has to make. I sent him a text, just a quick word of support to let him know that Chad and I appreciate and pray for him. I suppose I was expecting that he needed the encouragement.

What I didn’t expect is that I would be encouraged, too. Our friend replied right away, telling me that he had gotten up early to walk through the neighborhood before work, and that he had prayed for us as he walked past our house. And, just like that, in two text messages, the Lord let both our friend’s family and mine know that He is moving. That He is empowering and encouraging our church through our prayers for one another.  He showed us that He is working here, through friendship and accountability, through an obligation to each other as brothers and sisters in Christ.

I believe that this is some of the most beautiful work of the church. It’s the little ways that we gird each other up that make all the difference as we walk this narrow path together. When we pray for each other, when we take just a few seconds to reach out, even if we are just saying, “Hey, I see what you’re doing, and I appreciate it,” we are building a stronger body, one that is a true family, a team, and a source of endless encouragement.

I wonder how often God has brought someone to my mind, only to watch me push the thought away because I was too distracted by my phone or a child or my own problems?  The Bible tells us to encourage each other and build each other up, but I fear that we get so wrapped up in ourselves that we sometimes miss opportunities to do so. I know that I do.

Today I’m thankful for the reminder. As churches, we should pray for each other and when we do, we should let each other know. I can’t think of a better way to remind each other that God is at work in our hearts, in our minds, in our relationships. I’m grateful for the encouragement sent my way today by a friend who humbled himself before the Lord on my account. This is one way God builds a church that thrives.

In Defense of Prudent Parenting

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I’ve heard the argument many times through the years. “Cool” Christian parents love to use it. They have no problem with their kids watching television shows and movies or playing video games that are filled with profanity and vulgarity of all kinds, for this simple reason: It’s no worse than what they’re hearing at school.

Now, I have a daughter in the ninth grade, so I know for a fact that these parents are 100% correct. In the hallways of school, the f-word is bandied about constantly. Sexual jokes are common, and inappropriate talk is a way of life. It’s difficult to be a Christian kid in a public school, but it can be done, and what a mission field it is. I have complete faith that the Lord is using school as a training ground for my girl, helping her learn to love those who are sometimes difficult to love. Helping her understand how great the need is in our world for the only good one, Jesus Christ.

I know that she hears these things at school. However, you will not see me inviting foul-mouthed kids into my living room and sitting my children on the couch so that they can listen to an unlimited supply of the f-word. Doing that would be weird and spiritually confusing. Regardless of what the cool parents claim, there should be a huge difference in what my children see and hear outside of our home and what they see and hear inside of it. Christian homes should be filled with what is pure, right, noble, and lovely. These are the things that we should be encouraging our children to think on. Personal holiness in our children begins with what we approve of inside the walls of our own houses. Allowing our kids to consume profanity-ridden entertainment in our living rooms is tantamount to putting our stamp of approval on the very language that they are putting up with all day at school. I want my kids’ ears to be tuned to God’s word, not the world’s words, and if our home is a haven of godly teaching and wholesome entertainment, then every time they hear an f-bomb dropped at school, it be a sour note that helps show them the difference between living for Christ and living for everything else.

I know. It’s only language. Words. But, don’t fool yourself, cool Christian parents. It matters what your kids hear inside your home. How can we expect our kids to love the Lord with all their heart, soul, and mind if we say we are for holiness, but our actions show them that entertainment is more important? What a sad substitute for an all-in faith.

Why We Go to Church on Vacation

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Today I found myself sitting down to make a list of all of the things that I’ll need to pack for our family of five for our upcoming vacation. We try to escape for a few days every summer, a chance for my pastor husband to get away, at least physically, from the demands of being everyone’s go-to guy when things get tough. I don’t think that it’s really possible for either of us to leave our dear church behind in our heads or hearts (nor do we want to), but it’s so nice and necessary to spend some time focusing on our little family having fun together.

Some years our vacation plans cause us to miss a Sunday at our church, and on those years we all get excited about choosing a church to visit while we’re away. Now, you may wonder why in the world a pastor’s family would look forward to going to church on vacation. Isn’t going to any church sort of like going to work? And the simple answer to that question is no. Church is not work. It’s our family, our support system, our place of worship, and our lifeline to the truth of God’s word. The church is not just a place we go–it’s who we are.

I remember when Chad and I were newlyweds. The first Sunday of our new life together rolled around, and he cheerfully hopped out of bed and informed me that we were going to church. I had a more lenient view of church attendance–I thought that it was no big deal to skip a Sunday here and there, especially in your first week of marriage. But, Chad set a precedent that morning that we have stuck to through the past twenty years. There is really and truly no place we would rather be than in God’s house on Sunday mornings, partly because God has used that faithfulness in worship to bless us in so many ways through the years that I couldn’t even begin to write them all down.

There are a few other reasons that we wouldn’t dare miss the opportunity to worship with our fellow believers on a vacation Sunday.

1. It’s encouraging.

It’s an encouragement to visit churches in other parts of the country while we travel. It gives us an opportunity to witness what God is doing in other places, and it reminds us that He is working in so many ways that we don’t see. Walking into a building and knowing that we have a deep connection with a bunch of strangers just because we all love the Lord is really uplifting and reminds us of the sweet fellowship of Heaven.

2. It sends a message to our children.

Something seems very wrong about being blessed beyond belief by a fun vacation and then flouting a chance to worship the One who provided it. When we make church attendance a priority all the time (even on vacation), we show our kids that worship is not all about a place or certain friends or familiarity, but it is about Jesus. It helps us to focus and to remind our kids that this is a way of life, not just a ritual or routine. Even when it might not be familiar or completely convenient, we are still going to find a church and honor our Savior on Sundays.

3. It’s fun.

We have a great time entering a church as guests and experiencing the way that another church does things. It sparks lively conversations afterward about what they are doing and how they’re doing it. Often it inspires us to come back home to our own church and institute some great idea that we got from a church on vacation. It’s fascinating to see how other awesome churches operate, and we always enjoy trying something different that’s out of our normal routine.

4. Where else would we be?

For our kids, it’s a no-brainer. If it’s Sunday, we’re at church, even when we’re away from home. They would be shocked and dismayed if a Sunday came and went and we spent it sleeping in or even lying on the beach, not because they are trying to be rule-following do-gooders, but because they have learned to love worship, and their very best memories of life have happened right inside church buildings. They have discovered, like we have, that inside the church we find hope, truth, and love. So, where else would we be on a Sunday?

God provides so many sweet opportunities to worship during our short time on earth, and His people have been such a source of joy and friendship and encouragement through the years. I’m grateful for that late May day back in 1999 when my brand new husband declared that on Sundays, we worship. It has made all the difference. When we vacation, we don’t want to take a break from being who we are. We’re grateful to be God’s children, and we enjoy being with our brothers and sisters worshiping Him, no matter where we may roam. I thank God for the privilege. May we never take it for granted.

Mothers Don’t Get Days. We Get Moments.

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I could fill the world with books about the moments I’ve had as a mother. Seconds exchanged, glimpses of the glories of God found in the faces of the three children that I love most. Moments. Just passing, casual, regular minutes that burrow themselves into my heart, flashes of life so real that they weigh me down and they push me forward and they always, always keep me looking back at what God has done.

Some of the moments that I treasure the most are things that my children aren’t even aware of. Secrets that reveal themselves in the middle of a dark night, when an exhausted young mom feels like she is the only person in the world who is still awake. I remember the resentment that I tried to beat back as my guilty heart gazed down at the source of my complete weariness. I wanted to sleep, yet here was this needy little baby, greedily crying out for food at a most inconvenient time. Some nights I would wonder how amazing it must be to be a dad, snoozing happily through all of the turmoil and trouble that a night with a baby sometimes brings. But inevitably I would lift a milk-drunk darling’s head to rest on my shoulder, and there I would hear a tiny sigh of contentment, like the still, small voice of God, and I would remember that sleep is overrated.

Don’t ask a mother to measure this experience in days. The days are filled with the non-magical. Of unpleasant odors and disobedient children and astounding messes. The days, on the whole, may be overwhelming and disheartening and tear-filled. They may knock a mother to her knees, convince her that she is utterly incapable of raising children. You see, the days are the hard part. But in the moments a mother finds her strength and her encouragement and her awe.  It only takes the most minuscule glimpse of the love of God to gird a mother up and steel her for another day of non-magic. The moments are flashbulbs that light the way for a weary mother’s heart: the way a baby will sometimes throw his head back and cackle. The sheer joy in a kindergartner’s face when she spots her mama at the end of a school day. The way a fifth grader will occasionally slip his hand inside his mother’s. Waking in the morning light to the sound of a precious little voice calling. Love notes in elementary scrawl.

When it comes to Mother’s Day, every mother knows that there is no such thing. It’s just another chance, like all days are, for God to take our breath away with one baby smile. For Him to whisper His love and care for us through the tiniest moments that have nothing to do with breakfast in bed or spa days or gift cards. The real treasures of motherhood are far removed from the picture perfect poses that flood Instagram. Mothers are much more likely to run smack into a cherished moment during a long, miserable night with a vomiting child than we are at a Mother’s Day brunch. And somehow, as God pours out His love through us, He also pours His love on us through needy, often unreasonable, regularly pitiful children who happen to have a knack for pointing us to the great, precious, unequaled love of the Father, one gracious moment at a time.

What a gift.

Check-up Questions for a Marriage Milestone

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When I was younger I tried to imagine what it would be like to be married for twenty years. I blinked, and then it was here. Twenty years of laughing, arguing, being annoyed, being annoying, winking across rooms, learning, growing, and changing, always changing. When milestones approach, we all tend to get a little introspective. We assess what our life has become. We take time to think about how we feel as we look around at the way things have turned out. It’s natural and good to examine our lives, but the trouble is that we tend to do this alone, and we fail to communicate with our spouse about this assessment. Our hearts get full and they get antsy and they get sad and they get worried, but we are generally terrible at expressing all of this to our spouse.

A marriage milestone is the perfect time to sit down together to think and talk through where our marriage has come from, what it is, and what we hope it will become. It’s a way to check in with each other and really try to understand how each of us sees and understands the life that we are living. Too often we go through life just guessing what our spouse is thinking. Too often we assume that no news is good news, that as long as nothing of too much significance is being brought up by our spouse, then everything must be good. But, we don’t want just an okay marriage. As Christians we long for a marriage that breathes life wherever it goes, that spreads encouragement and faith and is a clear picture of the gospel. We long for a relationship that brings both of us closer to Christ and helps us to know and understand His love more.  And we want a marriage that’s fun, that makes life better, not worse. We want to be friends, and we want to keep learning about each other.

With that in mind, here are some questions for couples to use as a starting point for some state-of-the-marriage discussions.

  1. What are two or three of your favorite memories of our life together? Are we still making memories like that?
  2. How has your understanding of God’s purpose for our marriage developed over the years?
  3. What is one thing about our marriage that is life-giving for you? What about for others?
  4. How is our marriage different from your parents’ marriage? How is it the same?
  5. What words would you use to describe this season of our marriage?
  6. How have you seen yourself grow as a Christ-follower, spouse, parent since we married?
  7. How have you seen me grow as a Christ-follower, spouse, parent since we married?
  8. Where do you see the Holy Spirit working in each of us now?
  9. In what ways do you feel we are especially strong as a couple?
  10. What is one area of our marriage that you would like to see grow and develop more?
  11. What is one small thing that I could do each day that would help you or show you love?
  12. Do you feel like you can talk to me about anything? If not, how can I make communication easier?
  13. What are you looking forward to as you consider our future?
  14. How does our life look different than what you were expecting when we married?
  15. How can I encourage you in your battle against sin and in your relationship with Christ?

I pray that these ideas will help you and your spouse evaluate, reminisce, and remember what God has done in your life. Talking to one another is key to building a lasting, fulfilling, God-honoring marriage. It isn’t always easy to communicate, but you will reap so many rewards by asking thoughtful questions and listening for your spouse’s heart in the answers. Allow your next milestone to cause you to bend your heads together, considering as one where you are and where you’re going. May God bless your efforts.

When Others Fall

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Too often as Christians we have a tendency to feel a strange sense of pride when we hear that a fellow Christian has fallen into sin. We share prayer requests for Christians who are caught up in disobedience, and we shake our heads with concern, inwardly judging that we are doing better than that fallen one, that we may not be perfect, but at least we aren’t where he is. We grow pride-puffed with even the slightest indication that we are more righteous than another. But, there could be no feeling in the world more in tune with the devil himself than pride, especially in the face of another’s sin problem.

Instead of feeling proud of ourselves when we hear about a sin issue in another, we should be filled with fear and conviction, knowing that in our next breath it could just as easily be us. Our immediate reaction should be humility and trembling, remembering that we, too, are vulnerable to any manner of temptation. In fact, the second we decide we have become elevated beyond any sin, we have invited pride into our hearts, making our own goodness an idol to be toppled.

Sin should always a be a source of grief, whether we are observing it in ourselves or in someone else. Pride has no place here. We are but sinners saved by the grace of a holy, majestic God, and when we begin to feel proud of ourselves, when we begin to take credit and pat ourselves on the back, looking down on those sinners who aren’t as far along on the path to perfection as we are, we had better brace ourselves for a fall of epic proportions. Realistically, when we allow pride to grow in our hearts, when we ooze outwardly with compassion for a sinner but smile inwardly with self-regard, we have already fallen into a pit of sin.

We must resist the urge to compare our best moments to someone else’s worst. As Christians we have only one touchstone: Jesus Christ. When we keep Him in steady view, we are much less likely to be wooed by our own good deeds, and we are much more likely to have genuine compassion for our fellow sinners.

A Picture of Joy (and Anguish)

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People often don’t believe me when I say that I was in labor for 30 hours with my first child. But, I was there. I fully experienced every single one of the 1,800 or so minutes that finally, finally led up to the birth of our long-awaited precious daughter. I had never birthed a child before, and my first experience looked nothing like the movies. There was no dash to the hospital, no series of comical, zany roadblocks causing us to barely make it there in time. For me, it was a drudgery of many long, fearful hours and one night that I thought would never end, wondering what was normal, what was reasonable, and why my body wouldn’t just do what it was supposed to do.

Nurses called the doctor on call. He wasn’t inclined to come in. He wasn’t inclined to see me induced. He wasn’t inclined to allow me an epidural. He didn’t seem inclined to help me much at all, and I felt alone. Exhausted. I was in pain and I was anxious and I didn’t know what to do or what to expect, because this birth story was turning out nothing like the books said it would.

The sun must have just begun to peek over the west Texas horizon when our baby was finally born. It was just after 6am. I had spent part of New Year’s Eve and all of New Year’s Day laboring to bring this child into our world. It was now the second morning of a new year, and the first moment that I laid eyes on our sweet Adelade.

The Bible talks about childbirth a lot. Various prophecies describe childbirth as anguish, severe mental or physical suffering. I wouldn’t be able to use that word to describe my next two births. They were quick, easy, and my mind was more at ease. But, the hours I spent laboring to safely deliver Adelade into this world were anguished. Mental and physical suffering played major roles in my New Year’s Day back in 2005, and right at about three o’clock in the morning on January 2nd, I wondered how I would ever be able to talk myself into birthing another child when this ordeal was over.

But then she was born, and in a half second, all of the fear and misery and loneliness disappeared. My face, twisted with pain and hard work, suddenly spread into a wide smile as I looked with utter relief into the face of my child. I knew in that moment that I would do it all again, sign me up for another thirty hours, just for one opportunity to gaze at this mysterious little human being.

Jesus talks about this very moment in a mother’s life. Jesus, the maker and ruler of everything, our empathetic God (Hebrews 4:15), sits with His disciples as His own anguish is already beginning, far beyond what we can imagine. And He tells His closest friends that they, too, will experience pain and anguish, but like a mother who sees her child’s face for the first time, they will smile again. Their sorrow will be replaced by instant joy. (John 16:21)

Jesus, as He enters into His darkest hours, as He considers what His loved ones will endure, is thinking about a woman like me. He is thinking about women who, from the beginning of time, have identified with Christ through our anguish, laboring to bring forth a life that He created. He knows that His disciples will soon begin to identify with Him, too, and He brings a picture to their minds. A picture of a woman, groaning and grimacing and writhing and coming as near to death as she probably ever has, only to suddenly be met with the blessing of a lifetime. And this is the image that He plants in this moment, right into the minds and hearts of those He loves, those who will be met in a matter of hours with their worst nightmare. I wonder if any of them looked there again, to that portrait that Jesus had painted: a woman, exhausted, bleeding, trembling with sheer fatigue, her face now plastered with a huge grin as the sweat and tears mingle together on her pink cheeks. She beholds her child. And her anguish dissipates in an instant.

Joy comes in the morning. In my case, six in the morning.

And when Jesus appeared again, did His disciples finally understand what He meant when He sketched a tired mother in their minds? Complete joy filled their hearts, and all the anguish of the previous days was wiped away. Their Savior really is who He said He is. And what else really matters?

Later, when each of His disciples faced new troubles, new anguish, persecution, torture, desertion, or death, I wonder if they remembered these words of Christ. I wonder if they looked with fresh spiritual eyes at every woman holding a new baby, reminded once again that in the end, no matter what befalls us in this uncertain life, there is always a certain hope for the end of all anguish. A new morning is ever on the horizon of the Christian life, a new day where all sorrows are erased forever. When we see that day and the things of earth grow dim, I wonder if we will be surprised by how easy it turns out to be to exchange the anguish for pure joy.

[Mortals] say of some temporal suffering, “No future bliss can make up for it,” not knowing Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory.
-C.S. Lewis

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