As parents we’re always in the business of striking a balance between permission and caution. We want to be wise in the things that we allow our children to experience in life because, let’s face it, the world can be a scary place.
As Christian parents, we want to discern not only what is safe for our children, but also what will strengthen them spiritually. Kids need to have enough freedom to learn reliance on God, and maybe that is where the line gets fuzzy for us at times: what is healthy freedom, and what is reckless?
Only you know your children, so I won’t pretend that there’s a black and white prescriptive system for making these decisions. Each child needs different measures of freedom and safekeeping. But I will say that one thing we need to be careful of is holding our kids back because of our fears.
When I was a sophomore in college, I auditioned to be part of Christian singing group. A small group of kids from around the state would travel together to different high security prisons and sing and share the gospel. It was quite an adventure to be a part of. I can guarantee you that my parents did not feel relaxed or comfortable with my being a part of this group; I feel sure that they worried quite a lot as I traveled dark Texas roads late a night to get back to college after a weekend in prisons. But my parents didn’t let their fears keep me from experiencing what turned out to be an important step in my growth as a Christian.
But spiritual growth doesn’t just come from overtly “Christian” experiences like a prison ministry. Kids need adventure and a sense of their own dependence on God. As they get older, kids need opportunities to experience separation from their parents so that they can learn how to rely on Him, how to make decisions that honor Him apart from the rules imposed by their parents.
Not only that, this world is filled with wonderful opportunities to go places, see things, experience other cultures, see how other people live. It’s good for our kids to have the freedom to branch out beyond their own communities, beyond their own families. God has created wonderful things to enjoy out there, and the last thing we want to do is let our fears keep our children from experiencing lives filled with adventure if they long for it.

This is why we shouldn’t hold our kids back from going to far away colleges, from pursuing careers outside of the areas where we live, from following the callings that God has placed on their lives just because those callings make us scared. A big part of raising children is God teaching us to trust Him, and when it comes to experiences and adventures that are reasonably safe, we shouldn’t hold on so tightly that our kids aren’t allowed to see what reliance on God feels like. They won’t need to rely on Him if we keep them so bound to our own side that they never have to make a decision or figure something out without us.
I guarantee you that I have as many fears about this world as any parent. But my 15 and 18 year old kids went to Germany on a mission trip a couple years ago. After her freshman year, my college girl traveled around the country with a disaster relief organization. This summer, at 17 and 20, one will be taking a biology club conservation trip to Costa Rica, and the other will be studying abroad for half the summer. Would I rather have them home where I can see with my own eyes that they’re safe and happy? Of course. But I don’t want to let my fear keep them from following the unique paths the God gives them the opportunity to walk down.
You see, when I allow them some adventure, it teaches them and me, too. God is trustworthy. I will rely on Him, whatever comes. And the world that He made is worth exploring.