1. Lady-like behavior is not weakness. It’s being gracious, kind, and hospitable. It’s having enough respect for yourself and consideration for others to dress modestly, speak kind words, and maintain self-control even when you’re angry. It’s difficult to be lady-like in today’s culture. But, it’s worth it.
2. Being a mother is an incredibly beautiful experience. But, there is much more to womanhood than motherhood. So, if you find that someday you don’t become a mother, go after your other dreams with all your heart, and seek God’s will for the path He has set you on.
3. You should never date a man that you already know you shouldn’t marry. Every marriage began with a first date. If you know he is bad news, if you know you are incompatible, if you know he isn’t a Christian, don’t go out on a date with him. Once you fall in love it’s hard to see clearly where your mistakes are being made.
4. Make it your goal to be healthy, not thin. There is more to life than dress size.
5. Don’t look to a man or me or any other human to give you a sense of worth. You are already worth more than all the fortunes of the world because God made you and He loves you. If you depend on people to make you feel like you matter, you will be disappointed. But, God never disappoints.
6. Life is too short to wear shoes that hurt your feet.
7. There will be things about your body that you will dislike for your entire life. Try not to obsess over them. Just remember that everyone else is too worried about their own bodies to think much about yours.
8. If you marry a dreamer, don’t kill his enthusiasm with negativity. Support his crazy ideas and love him through his successes and failures. Be his biggest cheerleader.
9. Setting conditions on your happiness will never lead to a happy life. Instead of thinking, “I’ll be happy once I get this or that,” determine to be happy where you are, as much as you can. It doesn’t matter what you drive or what kind of house you live in.
10. Crying is not the most effective way to get your point across, but if you are naturally a crier, embrace it. Let the tears flow, and don’t worry about what people think. All of the criers I’ve ever known endeared themselves to me immediately. (And, you come from a long line of criers.)
11. Try new things as often as possible, even if you’re scared. And especially if you can prove to someone that you’re not scared.
12. Women age faster than men do, especially if we birth and raise children. Men look distinguished as they age. Try not to let it bother you. The bright side is that we live longer.
13. Try to be sympathetic to the plight of men. If you marry a good one, he will work hard his whole life to take care of you. He will walk through the house at night, making sure that everyone is safe. Yes, even in this age of women who claim they don’t need to be looked after, he will feel responsible for keeping you and your children alive and happy. This is a heavy burden to bear, and one that women overlook too often.
14. Obsessing over housework is not only unpleasant for your family, but it makes others afraid to invite you over. Find a happy medium, and keep a neat house without letting it rule your lives.
15. It isn’t true that you don’t need friends once you are married. Keep close friendships with other women throughout all of the phases of your life.
16. It’s easy to get a martyr complex when you’re a mother. Don’t do it. Everyone you know is working hard and doing things that they don’t want to do on a regular basis. It’s part of being a grown up human.
17. Women are an essential part of church life. Don’t ever think that because you’re a woman you aren’t as important to the church or to God as a man is.
18. Don’t be afraid to love people. Women naturally feel things deeply, but too much fear of being hurt will keep us from giving ourselves away for the people we care about. You may get hurt. Love anyway.
19. Try to find the delicate balance between humility and confidence. Humility comes from knowing your own tendencies to sin; confidence comes from trusting that God can do great things through you. Women have a special gift for striking this balance.
20. God made you who you are for a purpose. He will use your unique gifts. Be grateful, love Him well, and trust Him to make you a woman with a heart like His.
Beautifully written! These are 20 things that I want my daughters to know too. I’m going to print this out so I’ll always have it! 🙂
Thanks, Pam!
1. I totally agree with being gracious, kind, and hospitable, but isn’t that how all people should be, not just “ladies”? And dressing modestly? If I want to show my bra through a sheer shirt or wear a short skirt, I will! Wearing painful high heels or corsets used to “ladylike”. Too many women throughout history were repressed by being told to “be ladylike”. Speaking out for womens’ right to vote and to have access to birth-control was considered “unladylike”. Women still aren’t paid enough as men because they’re raised to be “ladylike”- which translated to non-confrontational – and so they don’t push for higher pay like men do. I like that I can choose to dress how I want, say what I want, do what I want. I like that if a dude cuts me off in the bike lane, I don’t hesitate to flip him off. I like that I’m not afraid to go topless on the beach and feel the sunshine! I like losing “self-control” sometimes. I like that I get too drunk sometimes and stumble or cry and my friend’s forgive me. I like saying the f-word sometimes. All this means I’m alive and free!
3. Don’t you have to date someone a while to see if you’d be interested in marrying them? I think humans are complicated. They change and your opinions of them change. If I only dated men that seemed ready for marriage, I would have never dated anyone. Plus, since I like learning about people and gathering different experiences, I think it’s been good for me to sleep with different types of people or date someone for a few months that I have doubts about. I always learn something new about humans, relationships, and myself.
12. I disagree, I know lots of women that age gracefully. I think older women look just as “distinguished” as older men.
13. I think keeping the family safe and happy is a shared job. By raising me alone, my mom did a great job bearing that “heavy burden” and “keeping me alive and happy”. It’s nice to have help if it’s there but she did great without it.
18. Men feel things deeply too! I think this all applies to men too. I would say the same things to a son.
20. I’m all for “letting go” and being grateful, but I think a lot of people use the “its all in God’s hands” as an excuse for not taking life by the horns and changing what you have the power to change!
Thanks to my mom for raising me to have a critical, independent mind.
Thanks so much for your comment. I think the basic issue here is that you and I are approaching this topic from a completely different worldview. But, I appreciate you taking the time to read and share your thoughts!
Sure is beautifully written here and all women who have daughters shall read these above. Those that are daughters of women shall not forget these and use it as a reminder to them from day to day.
I am THANKFUL that my daughter grew up to be a WONDERFUL WOMAN and teaching my Granddaughter’s the same values LOVE YOU MELISSA
I think that all these writings could be for Fathers and Sons as well as all the Ladies and Daughters. If everyone would follow these wouldn’t this be a better world?
Are you sure about number 11? It could go very wrong. I lived like that as a teenager. It didn’t go well.
Areta, this list is more about being an adult than a teenager. Of course, I would never encourage my children to do anything illegal or wrong. Thanks for your comment!
If you take the other 19 along with it, it moderates the problem issues.
Love these but I agree and just wish that #11 had been written a bit differently – good to go out of your comfort zone and try new things if they are healthy and good. Sometimes fear can be a God given warning mechanism if you are taking a chance on something that isn’t healthy and not good. I don’t think risks should be taken to just prove something to someone either. All kinds of people are reading these at different levels of maturity.
I totally get #11. As a young girl I wanted to attend college for a particular field. That field required some chemistry & math. Two areas which I did not excel at. Out of fear and lack of confidence, I did not attend college. So my take on #11…go for it even when it seems daunting. P.S. God is good. I have a wonderful husband and 3 grown children. Shared this list with my daughters and pray for these qualities for the woman that may marry my son some day.
I love this list! Thank you so much. I will definitely share it with my daughter.
Thank you, Sara!
Thank you so much for this sweet post! As a young women in my early twenties, I’m finding it so helpful in reminding me of truths I already know but so easily forget. Great wisdom here!
I’m so glad, Kailey! Thanks for reading and for this encouraging comment.
A lot of wisdom here. Thanks for the clarification on #11.
Thank you, Glenn!
Hey there, Melissa. This is beautiful. I’m grandma-aged without the grandbabies. That’s to say that I have enough years on my tires to say, Amen and amen. Your daughter is blessed to have such a wise mom.
Thanks so much for this encouragement, Patti!
Melissa. what wonderful words for young ladies. You have been gifted with such a God-given talent. Love you.
Thank you so much, Betty! I love you, too!
Heart-felt agreement with #6. No daughters, but one daughter-in-love and three more to come in the future, all of whom will probably wear more glamorous shoes than I do.
Ha, Michele!
AMEN !! SO many I have taught my daughters.. One more.. women are stronger then men in some ways.. & men are stronger then women in others.. it’s ok.. he’s your rock when you need him & visa versa..
Thank you!
Thank you so much. Greetings from Mexico
Thanks for reading, Felix!
This is awesome! Thank you!
Thanks, Sandra!
I love this! I don’t have daughters yet but this is what I hope to someday teach them AND I hope my son someday meets a girl like this!
Thanks!!
Re: #19, a quote (from C.S. Lewis): “True humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less.”
I tend to interpret these words as, ‘you don’t have to be a doormat to be humble. In fact, you can show your strength in your active concern for others.’
Thanks for this, Amy!
Thank you for this!
Thank you for reading, Linda!
Words of wisdom . I can so relate to all of this especially since I have a daughter plus my eyes leak. It use to embarrass me but now I embrace it.
Ha, Janet! Both of my girls’ grandmothers are eye leakers. I love them for it.
I needed to hear #16. With a 6, almost 4, n 17 month old I am neck deep in things I don’t want to do! I don’t agree with the origin of humility in 19. Christ described himself as humble in Matt 11:29 and he was without sin. Humility glorifies God, so it is not about self, it is about Him. Humility recognizes who He is with no thought of usurping.
Hm. Good point, Youngmomma! Thanks for pointing that out! But, I do think there can be more than one way to be humbled. 🙂 Thanks so much for your comment and for reading. Hang in there!
Beautifully written! As a mother of a teenage daughter, I will be using this for our “Mother-Daughter” chat times!
Thanks, Jennifer!
This is wonderful – so full of godly wisdom. Our daughters are grown and married and making decisions about life but as I read through the list, I know I can continue to pray for God to teach them …. as He patiently has taught and continues to teach their mother….=0)
Thanks so much, Laura!
I liked it … except for #6 and #11.
I’m really tired of seeing all these silly ‘Life is too short …’ things. If life is so short, then wearing uncomfortable shoes doesn’t matter. It would make sense to say ‘Life is too long to wear uncomfortable shoes’; but really, life is too short to worry so much about things like that. It illustrates one of those silly things about ‘first world problems’ that we encounter so much nowadays. If your shoes are uncomfortable, and you can’t afford better ones, then just go barefoot and stop worrying about it.
The first part of #11 is fine, but the second part is stupid. I’m not going to do something I’m afraid of, to prove that I’m not afraid of it. In other words, I’m not going on a rollercoaster just to show off; I’m not going to swim with a shark; I’m not going to climb Mt. Everest. There are plenty of new things that I’m hesitant about, but that I do because I want to do them; but I hope I never, ever try something new (especially if it’s potentially dangerous) just to impress someone else.
Ok, thanks for your comment, Laura.
You could possibly work on the delivery of your critique, Laura. Calling it “stupid” is really rude and unhelpful.
I believe life is short. We don’t know when or how we would leave earth. In essence, wearing shoes that hurt our feet becomes the focal point and we don’t get to enjoy the little things because all we are thinking about is how much our feet hurt! Think outside the box with #6 🙂
Great list!!! As a young woman who is not a mother, and doesn’t know at all when that may happen, #2 is very important to hear being said! Fortunately my mom always warned against “marrying just to Be Married”… but a lot of other folks are less clear thinking. 🙂
So I pursue other things, like authoring imaginative fiction all ages can enjoy, with messages of strength and hope in it. It takes a massive amount of time and energy, but I have the opportunity to do it, so I’m full throttle! 🙂
Thanks for the encouraging read!
Elizabeth
Thank you, Elizabeth! Best of luck with your writing! Sounds like fun! 🙂
Thank you, Melissa! 🙂 I’ll keep racing for the finish line and that crown Paul talks about, in the best way I know how!!! 🙂
I may not have a daughter. But being a young lady, these are great words of wisdom for me. Thank you so much.
Thank you very much for this post. It is beautiful and these are the important types of things to teach my daughter, and to help my sons understand about ladies, relationships, and life.
Thanks so much, Carolyn!
These are words of wisdom Im taking in.Thank you for this.
Thank you, Corinne!
As a husband of a wonderful example to me, and a great mother to our kids, I enjoyed this! Thank you!
Thank you, Glenn!
Thank you for your thoughtful list. I do have a problem with the photo chosen to be a background for your headline. You say in #1, “…to dress modestly…” I do not find this picture modest. Her dress shows her legs to mid thigh and then it turns sheer and shows more leg through the sheerness. As the mother of three teenagers, I would like women to really (and I mean really) evaluate clothing choices and think about what the attention is drawn toward. Thank you for the opportunity to voice my opinion.
Thanks for taking the time to comment, LA!
Not seeing number 11? I’m 42, mother of 8. Often mistaken for much younger and observe birthing and mothering as generally a youth preserver.
That is my experience
Thanks for your comment, Beth! It’s just a matter of opinion, really. Good for you that you are mistaken for much younger! I know other women like that, too. Y’all are really blessed! 🙂
I absolutely LOVE this post. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thanks so much!
A friend of mine shared this on Face Book, my daughter is married and out of the house and state. I am sharing this with her because the points made here are eternal, and age does not matter. Thank You for sharing your bits of wisdom with us.
Thank you, Donald!
Thank you so much! This is what girls need to hear, not trash from magazines and TV. This was something I needed as well. Thank you!
Thanks, Joanna!
This is just so true and to the point. It hits many areas I personally have struggled with, plus many that my six daughters struggle with. Thanks so much for speaking truth!
Thank you, Terry!
I am from northern ireland and my friend shared this with me. this is fantastic and something that ever christian woman should read.
I will be printing this out and keeping it my journal
Thanks 4 sharing
Mayb someday these ideas could be turned into a book 🙂
Thanks so much, Lauren!
I am on staff with Teen Missions International, and lead teens on summer mission teams every summer. We teach the girls a class called “Grubby to Grace” and THIS, “Twenty Things I Want My Daughter To Understand About Being a Woman” fits right into it. I am wondering if I can have permission to print it and use it?
Sounds neat, Stephanie! Of course, I would love for you to use it if you can!
wow…i love the piece
Thank you, Eve!
I don’t know how I got here but God bless you for lifting a soul. Would like my baby girl to know these too.
Thanks so much, Pipa!
WALK THE TALK…ENJOY THE JOURNEY!
~IN A DAUGHTER’S DREAMS. . . A MOTHER’S HOPE~
~IN A DAUGHTER’S ACHIEVEMENTS. . . A MOTHER’S PRIDE~
~IN A DAUGHTER’S HAPPINESS. . . A MOTHER’S JOY~
WATCHING HER GROW INTO HER OWN STRONG, SENSITIVE SELF IS ONE OF THE MOST FULFILLING EXPERIENCES A MOTHER CAN KNOW.
From God’s heart to yours… be a Proverbs 31 Woman ; you, your daughter, and grand-daughter will be blessed.
Blessings,
Ceci
Thank you, Ceci!
This is AMAZING 🙂
Thanks so much!
Its a blessing to have a sensible mother ! 🙂 I even shared some great advice on happiness with my wife 🙂
Thank you! 🙂
Well thought, well said & well shared. : )
Thank you, Ruth!
I have just one question about this (and forgive me if I misunderstood (a few of) your points): do you really think that christians are better than non-christians only because of their beliefs? (though it’s hard to misunderstand this part: “if you know he isn’t a christian, don’t go out on a date with him”)
Hi, Lakhdun! No, I don’t believe that Christians are better than non-Christians. But, I do believe that if you are a Christian (and my audience is largely Christian), you should seek to connect on a soul level with someone who understands and shares that belief. Christianity isn’t just something you believe, it’s who you are. Marriage is difficult enough without adding religious disagreement to the mix of things. Thanks for reading and for your question.
Thank you for this post. I’m a missionary wife home for a time and am now doing a women’s study at our church and would like permission to use this as a hand-out. Proper credit will be cited.
Laura, I would be honored! Thanks so much!
This is wonderful! God Bles U Mum!
Thank you!
This is probably one of the worst article i’ve ever read, no offense. I feel like i just went back to 1950’s, read this article, and came back to 2015, all confused. I actually had to check the calendar to make sure – no joke.
#5 and #11 – Although i agreed with # 5 “Don’t look to a man or me or any other human to give you a sense of worth”, that was quickly ruined by saying “[…] especially if you can prove to someone that you’re not scared” in # 11. My reaction to reading these two was “Wait … why would i need to prove ANYTHING to anyone if i’m not looking to find my sense of self worth in other people?”.
#10 – OMG – Please teach your daughters that crying can and should be controlled, and yes – please please teach them to care about what others think, especially if the CEO is there and she’s crying uncontrollably because they ran out of sandwiches before breakfast hour was over. Tell her to keep it together until she gets home, or she’ll never have a nice corner office.
#13 – Lesson: If he falls asleep during the night, he doesn’t love you and he doesn’t care for your or your children’s safety. A man that sleeps at night, is probably one you don’t want to marry. But if that’s the only option you have – do it, marry him – because it’s better to be with the wrong one then no one, am i right?
#17 – WOW. Oh my God … this is a thing? Do you realize that bringing this up to my daughter would be the same exact thing as going up to a black person and telling them that they’re allowed to breathe even though they’re black?
#18 – I completely disagree with this. PEOPLE (in general) are meant to naturally feel things deeply. The difference lies in the ways we express our emotions due to personality traits, cultural backgrounds an the way we were raised – and not based on gender.
Would you want to raise a son in a culture where he’s taught to treat his emotions as a prescription? If I agree with telling my daughters this, that means that I also agree to tell my sons that they are supposed to feel a certain way because of some sort of stigma our society has created. If this is what we agree to teach our children, we do not have the right to get upset or frustrated when our male partners have a significantly lower emotional IQ than us.
As woman who is able to control the way I express my deep feelings, does that make me incapable of feelings, which, if following that logic – would make me inferior to the rest of the female population? That’s absurd.
#18 (cont.)- Don’t let your daughter love EVERYONE. The world in which we live in today is way too cruel for me to let my daughter believe it when the man said there was candy in that van. As much as we would all love our daughters growing up being the next Mother Theresa – it’s not going to happen. So let’s all be realistic and teach our kids to be kind, polite and and well mannered to strangers – but not stupid.
This is also valid when talking about our daughters dating. Make sure she doesn’t misinterpret you and take the Mother Theresian approach to dating as well. Don’t let them just give away free love to every guy that pays attention to them, because some lady on the internet said so. Teach them that their love should be earned.
#19 – ONLY Women. Men are just .. you know … those creatures you marry for the purpose of having someone to protect you at night…and tax breaks. Remember … the easy way to recognize them is by knowing that they CAN’T NATURALLY FEEL ANY KIND OF DEEP EMOTION … like robots.
To each their own! Thanks for reading.
Not regarding this, since it directly affects me. For as long as you continue to promote such sexist absurdities, I will continue to make 77 cents for every dollar a man makes.
FYI to #6 … Unless it’s a pair of Louboutin’s. Worth every blister 😉
Most of these are good and I will pass it on to my daughter with a few caveats:
1. Don’t worry about being “ladylike” because everyone’s definition of it is different and some of them are horrendous. But do be kind and gracious and hospitable. Dress appropriately but don’t get hung up on other people’s definition of modesty. Burkas are modest. And inappropriate.
8. It’s fine, but important to add, “be sure if you marry that he is your biggest cheerleader and that he supports your crazy ideas and supports you through success and failure.
10. If you’re a crier learn to control your emotions in the workplace. Tears do not enhance your credibility. At the end of the day, get in your car and pound on the steering wheel and cry your eyes out if you need to, but keep it together until then.
13. If you marry, take care of each other. And be strong enough to take care of yourself and your children on your own if you have to. Life happens. Men’s ‘plight’ and women’s ‘plight’ are sometimes different and sometimes the same. Be kind to everyone.