I remember very well the first time that Chad and I ever kissed. It was September 7, 1997. I was a nineteen year old awkward teen, with too-poofy hair and little knowledge of how anything in this world works. He was a long-haired deep thinker in a rock and roll band. And, there we were, sharing a kiss in a parking lot in Lubbock, Texas.
It was my first kiss. Ever.
I don’t how much of it had to do with my upbringing or the strict moral rules I sort of inflicted on myself. I’m not sure if it was just because I never really wanted to kiss anyone else. Or maybe I was scared. Or maybe too awkward.
Or maybe somehow, someway, God, with His divine grace and His perfect timing, protected me from ever giving my heart away before it was time. But, whatever the reason, I am so glad that Chad is the only person I’ve ever kissed.
I know that a lot of things are written these days to the girls who have already had sex, to the ones who are past the point of first kisses and first sexual experiences. And, I’m so glad there’s so much out there about the absolute truth of God’s grace and His forgiveness and how you are NEVER out of the reach of His mercy and love. I’m so glad that if you’re reading this right now and you have made sexual decisions that you regret, I can reiterate with no exceptions that God loves you deeply, and He will forgive you. And, you can move forward and make choices that honor Him.
But, I’m not really writing this particular post for you.
I’m writing this for the girls who haven’t had boyfriends. The ones who are wondering if there’s something wrong with them because they haven’t had sex. The ones who are longing to kiss or have sex with someone–anyone–just so that they won’t be the only ones in the world who haven’t.
I’m writing this to my own daughters.
Because I want you to know that there are still plenty of people who hear that Chad is the only person I’ve kissed who will think it’s weird. Who will think it’s crazy. Unreasonable. Who will think that there must’ve been something wrong with me as a teenager.
There will be people who get mad that I even wrote this post, because who am I to tell everyone that I was an un-kissed virgin on that September day, or that I was a virgin on my wedding night? How can I share this when it might make girls who have already had sex feel like they are being judged? Please know that is not my goal.
But, I want the unkissed girls out there to know something. I don’t regret a single non-kissed moment of my teen years. I don’t regret a single non-sexual moment. If you haven’t been kissed or haven’t had a boyfriend, good. Don’t worry about that. Focus on loving Christ with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Wait for God to do what He will do.
Despite what movies and magazines will tell you, the point of life is not to be paired up with another person. I don’t know what God has planned for you or your relationships. But, I can tell you, as a girl who wasn’t kissed until her second year of college, that you aren’t weird or out of step if you are waiting or haven’t had the opportunity.
You may just find that one fall evening, the perfect moment will arrive during a walk to your car in an oddly romantic parking lot in West Texas. I don’t feel like I missed out on a single thing. And, that is one kiss that I will never, ever forget.
Hang in there. Kiss when it matters. Have sex when you’re safe in the arms of a man who has pledged his life to you. And, above all, trust that God sees you. He hasn’t forgotten your longings or your desires or your dreams. Waiting on Him is always the best way, the safest way, the bravest way, and the most fulfilling way.
And, if you haven’t waited, just remember that He is the God of fresh starts. Begin again, and wait to see how He will bless.
Our first kiss was nice when it happened. It was a sweet memory on our wedding day. And, fifteen years and three kids later, it has grown to mean so much more: the very blessed beginning of a whole life that was built on the beautiful, sometimes strange way that God works. It’s worth it. Wait well, and love God with all you have. He sees you.
Bless the waiting. Bless the not yet. Bless you, sweet girls.