I once attended a non-denominational women’s Bible study, and each week we discussed the passage of scripture in small groups. I loved some things about it: the mix of ages, learning from other women’s life and faith experiences, praying for each other. Overall, it was a great experience.
But, I’ll never forget one day when one of my group members began telling us about her pregnancy. She asked for prayer, and she was visibly emotional as she explained to us that she had lost a late-term baby during her last pregnancy. She tearfully told us that God had spoken to her and had assured her that this pregnancy would be different. She believed He had promised her that this baby would be perfectly fine, and she told us so with confident conviction. “He isn’t going to let anything happen this time,” she said. “I’m holding on to His promise.”
Even as she spoke the words, I cringed inside. I joined in as we surrounded her and cried out to God on behalf of the little child that was growing inside of her. Yet, none of us really knew how this situation was going to turn out. Least of all the mama who was determined that God had offered her a special revelation about her baby.
I left there that day praying another prayer. I prayed that God would help the poor little mother’s shaken faith recover if the baby somehow didn’t make it to term.
Someone had taught her wrong thinking about God. Somewhere along her Christian path, some teacher or mentor had told this woman that God is good because He does what seems right to us. She had been taught that we are to name what we want and claim it territorially, as if we can instruct God on the best way to do things. And, in her desperation to hold onto the hope that she would never again have to endure the death of a child, she convinced herself that God had promised her that she would never have to.
A few weeks later, she suddenly stopped attending Bible study. Our group leader contacted her and learned that, despite the “promise” that she thought God had made, that young mother had lost yet another baby, and her faith was rocked right down to its very foundation. She had wrongly assumed that God would do what she desperately wanted Him to do, and when He didn’t, she crumpled with hopelessness, partly because of her terrible grief, and partly because of some bad teaching that misrepresented the character and sovereignty of God.
It is possible to grieve the end of our plans while still maintaining hope for the future. It’s possible to beg God for one outcome, and still praise Him in the middle of a different outcome. It’s possible to love and trust God when He doesn’t choose to rescue us or a loved one. It’s completely possible to be living through the most horrific hell we can imagine on this earth and still love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.
But, only if we have a proper understanding of our place within His unsearchable, sovereign will.
Our position as His creation cannot be that He should do as we demand. It cannot be that He is only good if He gives us what we want. It cannot be that His love is spelled out by how satisfied I am with His answers to my prayers. Yet, it is possible to have great hope and security in His ability to rescue us while also having great faith that even if He doesn’t, we can trust Him and He is good.
In the book of Daniel, three young men demonstrate this balance to perfection. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednago are ordered by King Nebuchadnezzar to bow down to false gods. They refuse to do so and face the king’s wrath in the form of a furnace that was built to burn seven times hotter than usual. It is so hot that the guards who tie the boys up to throw them inside die just by getting that close to the opening where the fire rages. Before they are thrown to their certain death, the three Hebrew boys explain to the King the kind of faith that they have in the one true God: If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up. (Daniel 3:17-18)
Their answer to the King’s threat shows three elements of a healthy view of their position in God’s sovereign plan.
1. The God we serve is able to deliver us from it. First, the boys acknowledge that God is perfectly capable of saving them. Their faith says that He is all-powerful, and nothing that the king can dream up to do to them is beyond the reach and rescue of the God of Heaven.
2. He will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. Next, they demonstrate that their faith allows them confidence that God will save them. They are believing even as they stand before the raging furnace that there is hope of their salvation. (And, should they die in the fire, no rescue for their human bodies, they know that rescue still awaits on the other side of death. So, whether they walk out of the fire or not, they are not left without the hope of God’s rescue plan.)
3. But, even if He doesn’t… Last, the three Hebrew boys show that they understand that His ways are higher than theirs. It’s God’s prerogative to resolve this situation as He knows is best. So, even if He doesn’t rescue them, He is still good, He is still powerful, He is still holy, He is still righteous.
In the end, God does rescue Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednago. God is the great hero of the story, and the boys go on to live influential and fruitful lives. But, what if the three boys had been thrown into the fire and were immediately turned into nothing more than a heap of ash? After all, we see bad things happen to amazing people all the time. So many human stories end with no miraculous turn-around. No obvious, supernatural display of God’s immense power. Just the mysteries of what comes after death. The hope that we cling to that somehow, some way, God is making sense out of all of the tragedy and heart break.
Are we coming to the place in our spiritual growth where we can pray in earnest, like Jesus, not my will, but Yours be done? Are we blossoming into Christ-followers who can testify to God’s sovereignty, holding our faith in His power in one hand while we also cling to our faith in His goodness, saying, But, even if He doesn’t…?
Are we growing into Jesus-trusting mothers who can beg God to heal our children while also shouting from the depths of our souls, If He doesn’t, He is still good?
I don’t know what happened to that precious mother who lost two babies and then lost a sense of her faith in God. I hope that she came to trust Him more in the end. I hope I would, too. When the bad things come, when the kind of rescue we think we need just isn’t part of our story, will we be able to testify before a watching world that God can do it, that He will do it, but even if He doesn’t, we won’t turn away. We won’t lose hope. We won’t lose faith. And, we will say forever and ever, He is good.
Thanks you for being honest in addressing such things as these and presenting the truth.
Thank you for your encouragement, Alana!
Spot on. Thank you. That’s why we check everything against Scripture. It’s why Jeremiah waited to buy the field from his uncle until it was confirmed
Spot on article. Still unlearning from long time ago. Still learning to lean on Jesus and take Him at his Word. Lifelong task.
Thanks, Martha!
I feel for this woman who’d clearly been misled about how God works, about faith. Yet, what did you – or any other woman in the study – do to truly come alongside her in her pain? What kinds of suffering has your Bible study group endured that you might have shared to help her to see in real-life that God truly is good “Even When He Doesn’t” answer our prayers? Though the Bible is the ultimate source of truth, sometimes a strong godly example is the best example to live out that truth.
Cowgirl, I’m sure in most situations there are things that I could’ve done better and different that would’ve brought more glory to God. Thanks for reading.
I believed growing up that we should just believe God WILL answer our prayers the way we want. I never saw how that was beneficial because if if you are believeing it will happen and it doesn’t then you may feel let down over and over. As an adult I realized that we are to have faith that he CAN do it while recognizing he may not choose that path and believe what he is doing is best for us. Along this same line, I think it is dangerous the way this mother said God “told” her the pregnancy would be fine. How can you argue with what God has “told” her? How can she possibly know it is God’s voice she is actually hearing? I see a growing trend of this idea among my Christian friends and am very concerned about it. We need to follow his direction and plans without knowing ahead what the outcome will be. And that is the kind of faith that Bible tells us about. Thanks for the article. A great reminder that God is faithful no matter our circumstances and we have an eternal life to keep our hope alive!
Thank you, Rebekah!
Thank you for expressing this truth so beautifully. I have always cringed when reading the closing comment, “God is so good!” following prayer request updates that inform the reader that things “went well” in the anticipated surgery, or doctor’s appointment, or in a troubled relationship. Yes, He is good, and that is true even when things don’t go as (we) had planned. Amen to your thoughts here.
Right, Cheryl. It does seem like we only acknowledge His goodness when things go the way we want them to. But, in the end I find most Christians do eventually learn to love and trust Him even when things don’t. It must be one of those great gifts of the Holy Spirit that comes when we need it. Thanks so much for reading and for your comment.
Melissa,
Thank you for this great reminder of God’s sovereignty and goodness!
My husband and I, forty years into marriage now, have five grown kids, only one of which is saved. She finally bowed her knee three years ago (on God’s time table). This has been a long arduous struggle for us. As young parents, all of our children professed faith in Christ. But then, one by one, they all fell away, manifesting their unbelief in various ways. Three are “respectable, responsible citizens”. Two are not. It has been heartbreaking. But it has also been a joyful, dependent, learning-to-trust-God’s-sovereignty journey.
To lose a child for a little while (to death, but knowing as David did that he would see that child again) is a blessing, that is certainly shrouded in momentary grief. As my children grow older – the youngest now 36 – I struggle with the possibility that God may not save them all (grandchildren included). As long as they have breath however, I continue to ask Him. To loose a child to spiritual death is nothing but final – no hope of ever seeing them again. I may never worship the Lamb with them in eternity. Many years ago I had to deal with this ultimate scenario and told God even if He chose not to redeem them, that I remained His and would worship, love, serve and trust Him no matter what.
In this struggle, however, I have great joy and peace, and actively love my kids (though one daughter is actually estranged from the family). I will never give up asking God for their salvation. I trust Him completely and that is the only reason I do have joy. In truly trusting God and His choices for every aspect of life (or death), joy becomes indestructible because it comes from our immutable God.
And in this struggle, I also have great confidence that God will save my kids. That’s what He loves to do and why Jesus suffered an agonizing death. It is His highest will that sinners put their full trust in His provision for forgiveness and eternal life, all for His glory and honor. So I pray according to 1 John 5:14-15: “This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him.” This and yet, I completely submit to His will no matter what. A paradox impossible to explain. Yet in this reliance, surrender, love to my Lord, I am more than able to live the abundant, joy-filled life Christ came to give. His grace is sufficient no matter what!
Thanks for this testimony, Sharon!
Well written article! This reminded me so much of the song by Kutless called “Even If”. The chorus reminds us that
Even if the healing doesn’t come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn’t come
I don’t want to serve a God that takes advice from me 🙂 I serve a God who knows my needs and will do what He knows is best for me.
Amen
Yes! Thanks, Tricia!
Great article. We must learn along the way that God is God and we are not. He is not a Santa Claus god who grants all our desires, wishes & hopes. We have to trust Him that He always does what is best.
Thank you, Judith!
“it is possible to have great hope and security in His ability to rescue us while also having great faith that even if He doesn’t, we can trust Him and He is good.”
Thank you for summing a lot of essential truth up right there.
Thank you, Ahavah!
As a Christian mother who has endured the fire (loss of a baby) and other trials. I feel some of your comments about this young grieving mother are out of line. It’s easy to talk about something you know nothing about. If you had lost a child or two like this mother maybe you’d be more understanding. Instead of writing about her and her grief maybe you should spend time praying for her or reaching out to her and be there for her. That’s what hurting people need!! They need Christian friends to be the hands and feet of Jesus!
CB, I’m so sorry to hear that you lost a baby. It’s a terrible heartache. I have lost three. You can read a little bit about my experience at the links below. Thanks for reading and for your comment.
https://yourmomhasablog.com/2016/10/13/to-lose-a-baby/
https://yourmomhasablog.com/2014/04/10/flashback-friday-love-not-lost/
So very true! We’ve had friends God ‘revealed’ something definite to and then the opposite occurred. We must not speak for God; even when His will is not ours, there are often reasons shown down the road or will be in eternity! Thank you.
Thank you, Melissa, for addressing disappointment with God in a scriptural manner. I’ve been thinking about Psalm 25:3 – “No one whose hope is in You will ever be put to shame….” (NIV) Sometimes in this life, it seems as though believers are indeed put to shame. However, we have to remember that we only see a very small part of God’s whole picture. We must counter Satan’s lies with the truth of what Scripture says about the character of God.
Seems like you have a great understanding of God. Not such a great understanding of man and the deepest darkest pains one can endure.
You all talk like God doesn’t reveal things to individual people. Maybe this girl really did feel God told her something. I know God has revealed things to me ahead of time and they have come true. So when I felt God promised me safety of my two babies,why would I think otherwise? How did I know it was not God speaking to me not once but several times that he was going to give me the life of my girls? I was in prayer, I was in the word and have continued to do so. How do I believe and not hold on so tight without being devastated? Right now, I read the Scriptures and they either hurt or they are lifeless words. I feel my prayers bounce off the ceiling. I hate the verse that says “count it all joy”. So not only am I to lose my babies but I need to be happy that God has allowed this? I am not to expect anything from God such as comfort or peace during this painful time? How do I reconcile this with an Almighty God who says He loves me? I’m not telling God what to do, I honestly felt/believed that is what God was telling me but so far that has not been the case. Do I continue to believe he promised me a miracle despite all physical evidence pointing to the opposite? Or if it doesn’t happen, do I just say “I guess that wasn’t God”? Lousy time to find that out. How do I feel loved and held by God at this time? My head knows all kinds of truth but my heart feels none of it despite earnest prayers to God for help to change me. I always heard prayer either changed the circumstances or the person but mine has done neither or is that an untrue Christian teaching also?
Dear Emily,
First let me say that I empathize with your pain. I, too, lost a baby. I, too, have felt disillusioned with God because He appeared so silent when we needed Him the most. I hear what you’re saying: Scriptures have sometimes seemed to mock me and my prayers sometimes have not seemed to connect with God. Let me say also, though, that our perceptions about God are sometimes tragically false.
The assertion “God told me…” is not a reliable foundation. God has spoken through His Word, the Bible, which is our objective and final authority. All He wants us to know about Him is there. When people describe a subjective experience, saying, “God told me…” it may be wishful thinking or worse; but it is not God speaking. He always speaks consistently with His Word, and His promises in the Bible always come true, though we may have to wait on Him for a long time – perhaps till we see Him. In the Old Testament, the test of a true prophet was whether or not his prophecies came true. If they did not, the consequences were drastic – death. Modern day prophets will admit that a huge percentage of their prophecies are wrong, which tells us they are not truly speaking for God.
All that may sound harsh, but I mean to direct our thinking to the only genuine security we have – what God tell us in His Word. I do understand how hard it can be to hold onto faith in the Lord in the midst of pain. There are several things that have helped me, and all of them are based on believing the truth about God. First – I grieved for a long time after a miscarriage, because I could see no reason that was good enough for God to give a life, and then take it away. Finally, after reading When God Doesn’t Make Sense by James Dobson, I understood that although my finite mind can’t answer my questions, valid answers do exist. I came to trust that God has reasons that are more wonderful than I can imagine or comprehend. Second – several years ago, my husband and I were plunged into painful life changes. We’ve come a long way toward recovery, but waves of pain still sweep over us from time to time. Where was God, when we needed Him the most, when we were trying to serve Him faithfully? We came across a book called Night Shift, by David Shive. It’s a sensitive book about how God does His best work in and through us during the darkest times of our lives; and He is there, because He said He would be, though it is sometimes too dark to see His face. Third – another thing that helped me a great deal through the latter situation was immersing my mind in Biblical truth by listening to sermons online about assurance (Phil Johnson and Sinclair Ferguson), because for the first time in my life, I wondered if I had forfeited my salvation. One memorable sermon was about the father of the demon-possessed boy who cried out to Jesus, “I believe! Help my unbelief!” That was – and still is – the wail of my heart, too.
There is no quick fix to grief, but we have to keep going back to the truth of God’s Word. Hebrews 13:5 says: ‘for He has said, “I will never [under any circumstances] desert you [nor give you up nor leave you without support, nor will I in any degree leave you helpless], nor will I forsake or let you down or relax My hold on you[assuredly not]!”’ (Amplified Bible)
Emily, I have prayed for you as I have thought through this response. May the Lord comfort you with His unfailing love.