Your Mom Has A Blog

Why We Should All Work in the Church Nursery

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I remember when Emerald was tiny, and I was completely overwhelmed with my life. I had a first grader, a preschooler, and a new baby, and I couldn’t wait for those glorious two hours on Sunday when I could drop all of them off in their various classes and go have some adult conversation, without any tiny hands grasping for my dress, my hands, my hair, or any other body part. For two hours, I was my own, at least physically. I thanked God for those blessed men and women who volunteered to take a needy baby out of the worn out hands of her ragged mother, those saints who were willing to handle the crying, the spitting up, the diaper changes and the bottles. It was a magnificent ministry to exhausted, overwrought mothers like me.

Yet, the nursery always seems to be a touchy subject in churches. Everyone has their own ideas about how it should function and who should work in there. Some churches have more resources than others, some have more small children than others, some have an easier time finding volunteers than others. Just a few days ago I ran across an online discussion about church nurseries, and tired young mothers were declaring that they shouldn’t have to volunteer there, that other people should step up and take care of the babies and small children so that these exhausted moms can enjoy their time at church, one of the few respites that they get in their long week.

I understand why they feel this way. I have felt that way myself at different stages of life. But, there’s an important reason why mamas should continue to volunteer, even if it means that once or twice a quarter they will be rocking babies or playing with preschoolers during the church service. And that reason has nothing to do with the fact that churches need that young mama demographic to help out (although they do). The reason mothers should help in the nursery is because it gives us a chance to serve one another.

Who can better sympathize with an overwhelmed, somewhat depressed, sleep-deprived, dark-circles-sporting mother than one who is there herself? Who will be most sensitive to a mother’s needs and concerns?  Other young mamas, of course. Who sees most clearly how frightening it can be to drop off a baby for the first time? Who can most sincerely take a young mother’s hand and say, I’m with you, sister. I am just as tired as you are, and there is solidarity in the two of us caring for each other’s children in the name of Christ.

Now, these young mothers can’t carry this task of serving one another all alone. We often hear older mothers saying that they’ve already served their time in the nursery. We hear men claim that the nursery is a woman’s territory. We hear young married couples say that they aren’t equipped to handle small children. But young mothers need help. They need our ministry and and our assistance and our encouragement. They need us to say, Just get here, sweet girl, and we will take care of the rest. It really matters. And it sets up a pattern in that family’s life–one of regular church attendance, of reliance on the church, of children who love to come to God’s house.

Sometimes we tend to think that when we are in the nursery we’re cut off from worship. We feel like we missed church. Even those precious young mothers may claim that they simply can’t worship if they are sequestered to the nursery. But, if any of us feel that way or try to use that as an excuse not to volunteer, then we are forgetting an important element of worship: service. Coming to church isn’t just about us getting our “Jesus fix.” It isn’t about seeing what we can get out of it or waiting around to be served. One of the functions of the church is to serve each other. We should be trying to out-do each other with love and help and servanthood instead of keeping score to see if enough is being done for us.

And, yes, dear church. These truths apply to the church nursery.

So, all of us–young moms, college students, grandmothers, dads, and all–should view the church nursery as an opportunity to serve the families of the church, which is a true act of worship. And, young mamas, don’t miss out on your chance to sympathize with and help out other women who feel just as overwhelmed as you do. They need your arms, your understanding heart, your gracious overlooking of the disheveled state of their hair. They need to know that you are all in this together, and what better way to show love to your fellow mamas than to love on their babies on Sunday morning a few times a year? I don’t think it’s too much to ask of any of us, no matter our phase of life.

Altar of the Feels

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If you have kids of most any age, chances are that today they felt all the feels. And, if you are a mama of said children of any age, then I’m betting that today you, too, felt all the feels.

I’m not really sure where that term came from, but it pretty much sums up society these days. We feel everything deeply, and feelings are considered the ultimate barometer for life. There’s no doubt that this feelings frenzy has affected our parenting.

We have been taught to pay special attention to our kids’ feelings and to validate them as much as we can. I’m not saying this is a terrible practice. I mean, it’s never bad to consider someone’s feelings. But can I say with all honesty that about 85% of a kid’s feelings about things are irrelevant? Kids feel 147 different ways before lunchtime. They get upset if their graham cracker is broken. They cry like their heart is broken because a dog licked their elbow. Worse than that, they will kick and scream like you’re murdering them because you’re trying to buckle them into a carseat or keep them from grabbing a hot burner or stop them from running into the street. If we pay attention to every feeling that a kid has, we will be paralyzed and completely ineffective as parents.

The truth is that God gave kids parents because they don’t have enough sense to raise themselves. So, why in the world do we give their feelings so much power in our homes? Stop the insanity, y’all. You are the parent. You know what is best. And, the best isn’t staying up until midnight (even if your preschooler is crushed that you are enforcing a bedtime). The best isn’t letting your kids yell at you (even if you are glad they know how to “express themselves”). The best isn’t  letting children decide if they “feel” like going to church or not (even if they are heart-broken that they can’t stay home in their pjs).

I’m being tough on you. I know. But there’s something else that you must remember, dear reader. It isn’t just the kids who try to make too much of their feelings. We do the same thing.

We think so much about how we feel about things that we lose all sense of reality. The self-help masters and the self-esteem gurus have told us again and again that our feelings matter. That we should follow our heart, trust our gut, that we can’t help how we feel, that every feeling is valid. That’s nonsense. Most of our feelings are 100% invalid. Most are just ways that our hearts lie to us. Most are just ways that we are filled with selfishness and pride and rebellion and sin. Yes, feelings can be sinful. And very many feelings are.

Our feelings say we deserve glory. That we know better than God. That what we want is more important that what God wants. Our feelings lead us astray again and again, and they will do the same to our children, yet we continue to bow down at the altar of the feels as if it’s the only way to be a human being.

But, what if we lived in a different way? What if we parented in a different way? What if we decided that feelings were going to have very little bearing on how we make decisions? What if we prayed that God would change our feelings and desires to make them godly? To make us want what he wants? To help us recognize when our feelings are opposed to his ways and his will? What if we decided in our families that all the feels were going to take a backseat to the reasoning, the prayer, the God following, the God honoring?

Imagine how it would change our families. How it would change us.

Feelings aren’t the most important thing. They were never meant to be. Don’t teach your children otherwise by trying to validate unreasonable feelings, and don’t let the way you feel rule the way you live your life. Feelings come and feelings go. But, the truth is always true. Make sure that you’re living in the reality of God’s truth, and not in a haze of your family’s feelings. Clarity comes when you reject lying feelings and cling to what you know is real.

Your kids need to breathe the clean air of reason and sense, and so do you. Don’t live in a foggy world of finicky feelings. God’s way is narrow, but it is clear: your heart will lie to you over and over again. Don’t follow it. Don’t trust your gut. Trust in the name of the Lord your God alone, and take your cues from His word, not how you feel about things. Teach your kids to do the same. Then the next time someone gives you the sage advice that you should follow your heart, you’ll be able to look at them with all sincerity when you say, I don’t feel like it.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death. Proverbs 14:12

What Your Kids Really Need is Your Authentic Christian Life

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I went to a conference a few years ago and sat in a room with a hundred other women, perched on the edge of my chair with my notebook and pen in hand. A mother of six children got up to speak, looking thin and radiant with her long blonde hair and perfectly made up face. Her clothes were freshly pressed and fashionable, and she had a humble yet confident air about her. She showed us graphic after lovely graphic filled with the brilliant ways that she teaches her children scripture. With the year-long schedules of their family worship times. With gorgeous pictures of her family on mission trips in exotic faraway places, her children lined up in a stair-step row in their crisp white shirts and dresses.

I scribbled like crazy in my notebook, wanting to remember everything this super Christian mom had to say so I could go home and whip my family into spiritual shape. We had no scripture flashcards or carefully cultivated family worship curriculum. We barely had time to say bedtime prayers at night after busy school days and after-school activities. I felt like the world’s most underachieving mother when it came to my kids’ spiritual development because I didn’t have a specific twenty minute time set aside every day to teach my kids how to be a Christian.

I came home overwhelmed. My notebook filled with ideas was tossed in a drawer, and life continued. Crazy, wild, busy, fun life.

Since that time I have learned that I missed the point that day when I tried to soak in all of the wisdom of the super mom. The truth is that I can knock myself out coming up with an amazing family worship hour every day, and I can quiz my kids on Bible verses at every mealtime, and I can tuck Charles Spurgeon quotes in their lunch boxes every day (I do none of those things, by the way), but what they really need from me is all at once simpler and much, much more challenging: they need to see my authentic Christian life.

The truths of God’s word need to be so real in me that I can’t NOT talk about them day in and day out. My faith needs to be so deeply ingrained in me that it informs every situation, every decision, every discussion. And, when that happens, before I know it I have spent a large part of my day with the kids just naturally talking about what the Christian life is all about, who Jesus is, and what the Bible says about things.

No matter where or how formally I try teach my kids how to be Christians, no words I say will ever be as important as they way they see me living on a day to day basis. A carefully crafted lesson about forgiveness means nothing if I hold a grudge against a family member or friend. A lecture about the importance of obeying God’s word is useless if they see me ignoring His commands.

As a mother, I can easily make this faith seem like a joke if I say one thing to my children and then live as if I don’t believe it. They are watching me to try and figure out what Christianity really looks like. And, they don’t care if I have beautifully illustrated Bible flash cards or not. They need to see a changed life. Not a perfect life, but a changed one.

So, you see, I found out that what God has called me to is much higher than lesson planner. I do need to teach my children scripture. I need to give them sound doctrine. But, I can teach these things to my children, as the Bible says, when we sit at home, when we walk along the road, when we rise up and lie down. In other words, impressing the things of God on my children is an all-day, every day, life-long pursuit. It is more than a curriculum. It is a way of life.

So, if you aren’t in a phase where family worship hour is a thing that’s really going to happen, take heart. What your kids really need from you is something so much bigger. They need you and your authentic Christian life.

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Deuteronomy 11:18-19

Let Your Kids in on Your Ministry

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Several years ago, before our older kids had even started school, Chad and I took them with us to sing at an adult daycare facility. We went there with the senior adult choir from our church, and the kids stood with us and sang as many words as they could remember while the daily residents of the place clapped off-rhythm, rocked back and forth, shouted, or just smiled quietly. Some never acknowledged our presence. Others couldn’t contain their excitement and sang loudly. It was a wild and unusual scene for all of us, especially two small children.

After the singing, we all walked around the room, greeting the residents and shaking hands. Many were completely taken with the kids, while others didn’t seem interested in or capable of talking to them. I wasn’t entirely sure how the kids would react to this out-of-the-ordinary situation that we had thrust them in, but I was amazed and encouraged that they genuinely enjoyed themselves. They recognized, even at their tender ages, that the people in this place were in need of smiles, kindness, and cheer. And they provided it in the way that only preschoolers can: with total enthusiasm.

I learned something that day. It’s important to let our kids in on the ministry that we’re doing.

Since that time our kids have become intimately acquainted with funeral homes, hospital rooms, nursing homes, weepy prayer sessions, and shabby houses where it seems like no one could actually be living. Not every situation that we walk into is as pleasant as their experience with the senior adult choir. They have seen tears. They have seen pain. They have seen hopelessness.

And, they have seen how Jesus is the only real hope there is.

They have seen how the Holy Spirit comforts and moves even on the darkest days. They have seen how difficult and complicated and messy it can be to be the hands and feet of Christ. They have felt the joy of meeting people where they are–even when where they are is a hard place to go.

All of this, just in a small town in West Texas. Not in the jungles of Africa or in secret church meetings in the Middle East. Our kids are learning so much about who Christ is and what he does, just by going with their daddy preacher where he goes, holding hands and praying with hurting church members in tiny hospital rooms, doing crafts with nursing home residents, learning to get used to being with grieving families, understanding that people truly need Jesus, and that we can help them see it.

I think we are in the habit in churches of not giving children enough credit. We forget that the Holy Spirit is working inside them and around them in real ways. We assume that they are too sensitive and tender to handle hard truths of life, that they are too precious to have to go to hospital rooms or see any pain or suffering. But, when we think that way we rob them of crucial opportunities to begin forming a theology for dealing with hard things in life. Children who have never thought about death or funerals, who have never seen a body in a casket, who have never been exposed to the extreme poverty that is closer than they realize, who have never considered what it’s like when your body or mind isn’t working like it should–those children are spiritually handicapped and will be never be forced to think of any of these things or how God fits into them until it happens to them or someone they dearly love. It will be much more difficult for them to figure out how to view these things through a biblical lens if their first exposure is the suffering of their own parent or someone else who is dear to them.

Ministry experience also gives kids a sense of perspective. Just last week we went to visit a dear church member who has suffered a stroke. Just a couple of months ago, he stood in the living room at our parsonage, talking about carpet colors. But, the kids walked into his hospital room to find that he couldn’t speak apart from saying yes or no, that his right side isn’t cooperating with him anymore. But, he smiled sweetly at all of us, and when we joined hands and prayed with him and his wife the kids bowed and listened as their dad cried out to God for healing.

Later that night, one of the kids got upset about something small, and Chad took her back for a moment to that hospital room, where a real struggle is happening, where a man will work hard for months just to remember how to do things that he’s been doing since he was a small child. She quickly realized that her little problem doesn’t compare to real pain and hardship. When she got a little perspective, the Holy Spirit worked in her in a strange way, showing her that there is a difference between small upsets and real problems. We can’t underestimate the value of true perspective.

Allowing your kids to get in on your ministry efforts also provides an important element of Christian growth and discipleship: it teaches them the joy of serving. Of course, not all situations are particularly joyful, but when the church is functioning as it should, when you endeavor to really live life side by side, rejoicing together and grieving together, lending a helping hand when it’s needed, your kids are getting a clear view of what church really is. And, when they see that, it’s a glorious thing. They realize that church is more than a building, more than meetings, more than a social club or a self-help resource. Church is the living, breathing, beautiful Body of Christ, and it’s an honor and a true joy to be a part of it, even when it gets messy.

I would never want to represent to you that Chad and I do ministry perfectly. Far, far from it. But, I pray that our kids are getting glimpses here and there, through the power of the Holy Spirit, of what it means to be a child of God and a faithful servant in his church. I know where we fail, Jesus never does, and that’s where I place my hope.

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For more on kids and church life, please take a look at Why I Take My Kids to Funerals.

Moving Forward After Sin

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One night I walked into Sawyer’s room at bedtime to find him crying bitterly. He had disobeyed earlier in the day, and even though he had already shed tears of remorse about it, his earlier sin was still haunting him at bedtime. It had been an inconsequential mistake, really. He had been a little too slow to respond when I asked him to do something. I had completely forgotten about the incident. Yet, here he was, still mourning over his bad decision when he should have been resting up for school the next day.

We’ve all been there. When we have asked for forgiveness and gotten it, when we have repented and tried to move forward, but seem to hear repeated taunting in our heart and head: I’m awful. God can’t use me. I am the last person who should be trying to tell people about Jesus. And, just like that, we carry the burden of our sins with us instead of dropping them at Jesus’ feet. We cling to what we have done and let it destroy us instead of clinging to what Christ has done and let it restore us.

Maybe for Christians  it isn’t even the sin itself that is the real setback. Maybe it’s the way Satan will use that sin to tell us all kinds of lies that make us ineffective ministers of the gospel. That is his goal, after all:  to usher as many people into Hell and darkness as possible. And there may be no greater avenue through which he works to make empowered Christians go limp than through the aftermath of a moral failure.

When we are faced with the devastating reality that we have messed up once again, we must remember that the heart is wicked and deceitful. The same lying heart that leads us into sin will try to convince us that we cannot recover from our failure. It will tell us that God couldn’t love us, that we are of no use to the kingdom. These are the tools that Satan uses to distort our view of the gospel and keep us from being a threat to his detestable schemes.

Don’t listen to that lying heart. Don’t listen to that sworn enemy. We belong to Jesus. He is our witness and our defense. Get up, dust yourself off, and thank Him that His mercies are new every day. Pray for strength. Rely on the Holy Spirit. And, move forward with a clearer view of how great His salvation really is.

Maybe You Need to Step Back from the Internet

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I love the internet. I love social media, news, the wild opinions, and even the endless debate. Except when I don’t. When I get sick of listening to the same people say the same thing over and over again. When everything that could possibly be said has been said, many, many times, but people are still going. Sometimes I just have to walk away. I have to get some perspective.

I remember when my first really huge post was getting me absolutely roasted in what seemed like every corner of the internet. My stomach was twisted into knots as I read comment after comment, discovered yet another place where people were discussing me on some board somewhere, and I felt like I was embroiled in a huge scandal. My life seemed filled with conflict and angst and upset. And then I realized something.

I realized that I could get up, close my laptop, and look at the world around me. I was sitting in the cozy living room of our sweet parsonage, and only steps away my children (who love me) were playing happily. My devoted husband would soon be home from working at the best church in Texas. I had a light bulb moment: I had let what I had read on the internet that day overshadow the reality of my actual life. My real life was not rife with conflict and strife. It wasn’t a battleground. My real life was actually a pleasant, low-stress existence. But, I had let myself get sucked into the world of every opinion, and once I got lost in that jungle of harsh debate and little civility, I had a hard time finding my way out again.

I think many of us are there right now. Within Christian circles, debates are raging. Opinions are pouring in. Passionate pleas and rude attacks and the-sky-is-falling attitudes are everywhere. Debate can be a good thing. We should talk about things, hold each other accountable, call out what needs to be called out. Go for it. But, when stress begins to fill your heart and mind, when your blood pressure begins to pulse wildly, when you can think of little else but what a stranger said in a comment box someplace, then maybe it’s time to take a step back. Maybe it’s time to close that laptop and look at the life around you and recognize that you don’t have to solve every problem the internet dreams up. Walk away for awhile. Sit on the porch with your wife. Play a board game with your kids. Call up an old friend. Realize how great your life is, and how little real life conflict you are probably actually having to deal with.

The internet won’t fall apart if you don’t read every article and comment. Jesus came to give abundant life. Maybe that abundance is right in front of you, but you can’t see it for your computer screen. Don’t confuse internet bickering with your real life. Get up. Walk away. And see how God is working and blessing right in your own house, your own church, your own town, where most of the people you encounter have no idea what the latest Christian controversy is.

I’m not saying stay out of the discussions. But, find a balance that keeps you from feeling like your life is just one big drama scene when it clearly is not. Look up. Take heart. And see what God is doing right where you are.

Changing Your Facebook Feed for the Better

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Let’s face it: most of us spend a lot of time on Facebook. I just wanted to drop in quickly today to assure you that your Facebook feed can actually be a source of great inspiration, encouragement, and godly wisdom. It’s all about the pages that you follow.

A friend recently told me that she spends a lot of time on social media for her job in marketing, and she was wondering how she could combine her time on Facebook with her desire to grow in Christ and expand her knowledge about His word. So, I’ve compiled a very short list of some pages that I follow that keep my feed filled with interesting and edifying articles. These are listed in no particular order.

The Gospel Coalition This page features content from pastors, bloggers, and people from all kinds of disciplines who write about current issues from a Christian worldview, the Bible, church, and lots more.

Thom Rainer If you enjoy thinking through church issues, or if you are in the ministry, you will enjoy Dr. Rainer’s content.

Tim Challies Tim rounds up some of the best stuff around the web every day (and once on the weekend), plus he writes about varied topics that are of interest to Christians. I always check Challies first.

Albert Mohler If you’re interested in the direction the world is taking and what Christian people should think about it, Albert Mohler will keep you informed. The Briefing is a short podcast where he discusses the issue of the day.

Richard Ross I look forward to Dr. Ross’s status updates every day. If you have a passion for seeing teenagers change the world for Christ, you will want to see what he has to say. His faith in the middle of trying circumstances is inspiring.

God Centered Mom Heather MacFadyen hosts this podcast that features guests who offer all kinds of insight on Christian living and especially Christian parenting.

So, this is a short list, and I’ve chosen these because there’s quite a bit of variety among them. But, this would at least be a good start in making your Facebook newsfeed a little more inspiring and Christ-centered. And, by the way, I do I have one more suggestion: Your Mom Has a Blog. Ha! I pray that this list is a help to you as you try to purge your social media of the time-wasters and hone in on some stuff that will make you more like Christ.

Who do you follow that you would recommend?

Messy Beautiful Friendship

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Chad and I have spent most of our married life in cities far from our families. During our first two years together, we were almost 900 miles from our parents and siblings, and we quickly learned that our friendships were going to be an essential part of life. We have shared victories and failures with dear friends through the years, celebration and mourning, laughing until we were all gasping for air, and learning big life lessons that we never saw coming. It’s hard for me to even put into words what these precious people have meant to our life.

Yet, in the middle of all of the beautiful, when lives intertwine it’s not always neat and tidy. Sometimes we have to speak hard truths to each other. Sometimes misunderstandings happen. And awkward conversations. Sometimes we have to say I’m sorry. And sometimes we have to figure out how to forgive, even when we don’t necessarily feel like it. Friendship can be complicated. But, it’s always worth the risk.

This is a theme of Christine Hoover’s new book Messy Beautiful Friendship.  There seems to be a friendship trend happening in Christian publishing, and this tells me that relationship issues are heavy on the minds of women everywhere.  As a pastor’s wife I often hear from women that they don’t know where they fit, that they feel left out or lonely. There are plenty of books out there about self-esteem, but I don’t know that I’ve ever seen such a practical guide to real friendship as the one that Christine has laid out here.

She wrote the book for Christian women who need a “fresh perspective” on friendship, and I think she presents that perspective quite well. She spends the first part of the book exploring reasons why friendship as adults can become so complicated. She points out that part of the problem is unrealistic expectations: “When I am disappointed with my friendships and I take time to dig a little deeper in my heart, I inevitably find that I’m looking for my friends to relate to me as only God can… People are not fillers for a present God, and God is not a placeholder for future friends.” Friends aren’t meant to be our sole providers of a sense of worth–once we relegate them to that job, of course we are going to wind up hurt and disappointed. She warns against stoically deciding that God is all we need (thereby failing to pursue friendships) and against turning to God only when we are feeling like our friends have let us down.

One of the more frustrating things that I see in church life is that the very same women who feel isolated and lonely rarely take steps to nurture relationships, but simply give up and place all of the responsibility on others to engage in a friendship with them.  I was so happy to see that Christine addresses this very issue. Using Paul’s definition of Christian friendship in Colossians 3:12-15, she writes, “Paul certainly goes beyond vacationing together and making small talk and waiting for someone else to initiate. He exhorts us to actively pursue being patient, forgiving, loving, and being thankful for others as we relate to them. The focus is on what we give to others, not what they give to us.”

Part two of the book focuses on issues that threaten friendship. Here she talks about how past hurts and insecurities can hold us back. How a lack of vulnerability can make us hard to get to know.  In this section, she begins to build a practical picture of what a good friend looks like. A good friend knows and loves Christ. She seeks to get to know others. She is generous in showing others the kind of friendship she wants for herself. She seeks to think the best of others instead of the worst. Christine starts to lay a foundation here that causes us to examine ourselves and consider what kind of friend we really are.

Part three is the section where she really begins to get into some practical advice for friendship seekers. She advises us to take initiative in forging friendships, being vulnerable enough to share ourselves with others. Imperfect hospitality should be another important part of friendship building. Are we willing to welcome people into our wild and chaotic lives, laundry piles and all? At the end of this section, she even recommends naming all of the friends in your life and gives some suggestions for places to look around you for friends that maybe you haven’t even stopped to acknowledge as such.

Part four of the book is simply entitled, “Being a Friend.” Christine gets into some absolutely essential details of building deep and lasting friendships here.  Some of these are things that honestly might have been no-brainers at one time, but maybe it’s our technological society that has caused us to forget some of these truths of friendship. Christine provides crucial instruction for those who struggle to maintain friendships, and they are things that our world seems to have forgotten, with social media bringing out the narcissist in most of us. She writes in depth about listening. About reaching for friendships that are two-way streets, where we ask questions out of genuine interest and truly listen to the answers. About speaking sweetly to our friends, with words that carry grace and truth and kindness and patience. About diving into difficult times with people, praying for each other, speaking the truth in love, using social media to enhance our friendships, and dropping our unrealistic expectations.

This section tells the touching story of Christine’s friend Claire, and how Christine was able to walk with her through a cancer diagnosis and eventually her death. It’s a powerful story of the “real” behind true friendship. She writes about what an honor it is to enter into the adversity of another person. It’s inspiring to read about Claire, especially after seeing that Christine dedicated the book to her.

Here we also see a more in-depth discussion of different ways that we place God-sized responsibilities on the shoulders of our friends, and how that will always lead to heartache. She writes: “Jesus stands between us and our friends. This is a safety valve for all of our hearts. If we turn that valve off, we suffocate our friends and weigh them down with our expectations, because what we crave can only be met in Christ.” She shows how this type of idolatry is sin and how it will always lead to “dysfunctional friendships that are rife with conflict.”

.The final section of the book is about receiving friendship. True friendship means that we have to depend on each other. We have to ask for help when we need it. We have to be willing to accept a wound from a friend that is spoken in truth and love. We have to appreciate what is in front of us. She closes the book with a helpful trick for doing away with ungratefulness in our relationships. She says that when she is getting grouchy and whiny, she stops for a moment and imagines what life would be like if she didn’t have the friends that are currently in her life. (Note: this trick works for husbands as well. When you start getting frustrated and annoyed, just imagine how you would feel if this were your last day together. It’ll help you drop your bad attitude in no time.)

There is so much more in this lovely book that I could tell you about. I highly recommend it for anyone who cares about friendship. And, that’s all of us. As a sidenote, if you are a pastor’s wife, you’ll relate to many of the situations that Christine finds herself in. You can buy Messy Beautiful Friendship here. Buy a couple of copies and send one to a friend. We will all benefit from considering Christine’s practical advice and wise reminders of what real friendship looks like.

***

Christine was kind enough to send me a complimentary copy of her book in exchange for an honest review.

Thanks, Christine!

Do You Really Know This Story?

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Last week Emerald and I sat at the back of the fellowship hall while Chad talked about the resurrection. The crowd that had come for lunch was now just nibbling on brownies and finishing up the last of their sweet tea, and Emerald crawled into my lap, nothing to do but watch her daddy as he gestured and preached at the front of the room. Early on the first day of the week, he read, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance.

Emerald turned to look at me with wide eyes. I know this story! she said, excitedly. Then she rested there, sitting in my lap, leaning on her mama while she heard again the truth that Jesus is alive. She has heard descriptions of this all-important resurrection morning over and over again in her short life, like a refrain that is always chanting, There is hope, There is hope, There is hope… 

And, she recognizes it every time as news to smile about, because this is Jesus, our friend, come back from the grave. She has seen more than her fair share of bodies in caskets. The pastor’s child learns to be comfortable with funerals and the strange way that the outward shell of a human being will sometimes lie there in a satiny bed at the front of the church. She has watched many a dear wife stand at the casket, tears streaming down, saying one last goodbye to the face of the man she has loved so well. Emerald has stood aside while her daddy walked past, leading a casket out of the church. She has played quietly just steps away from deceased church members who had only a few weeks earlier smiled down at her sweetly in the very same sanctuary. She has walked through a sea of tombstones, balancing on the concrete dividers between plots like a circus performer. And, she has heard her daddy repeat those solemn words over a gaping grave: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Blessed are they who die in the Lord, for they will rest from their labor and their deeds will follow after them.

When the familiar words of the Easter account crop up in her world once again, she knows very well what kind of good news it really is. It is news that says the cemetery isn’t the end of the story. It is news that says it is possible for a beloved, precious, vibrant person to lie in a casket and then get up again, more radiant than ever.

Adelade got a new Bible on Sunday and turned to the Easter story, just exploring her pretty pink copy of God’s word. She read in Matthew: At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split and the tombs broke open. The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs after Jesus’ resurrection and went into the holy city and appeared to many people. 

She looked at me, mouth gaping in disbelief. She couldn’t believe she had never in all of her twelve years read or heard this. But, there it was, in black and white. When Jesus was raised, mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, all kinds of loved ones who had been tenderly laid to rest came walking right out of once sealed, lifeless tombs. It was as if the cemetery suddenly woke up. Everything about Jesus’ death and resurrection turned this planet upside down, starting with the day that Jesus and a host of holy men and women simply got up, left the graveyard, and walked back into town.

Adelade shook her head, trying to decide what that would have been like. A mother, washing laundry in the river, looks up to see the teenaged daughter that she has endlessly grieved for. A playing child squints into the sun as he sees a familiar figure walking quickly up the path. He runs to meet his dear daddy who has been in the tomb for over a year. Here he is, looking stronger and more alive than ever before. All over the city, reunions. Cries of joy. Shouts of praise to the God of life. Declarations that death really is dead.

And, on another path, Jesus’ closest friends who had watched Him die a brutal death would realize that everything He had told them had come true. He is alive. The resurrection is once and for all, real life eternally.

This is our story. This is our destiny. We are the people of the empty tomb. The cemeteries will bust open one day, and Life will win.

So, here is the challenge in the days after Easter. When the echoes of the glorious music we sang on Sunday morning begin to fade. When thoughts of all that is wrong start to crowd out the truth that one day every little thing will be just right. Are we living, on the Tuesday after the resurrection, as if we really know this story? Are we, like little Emerald, content to settle into the joy and the hope of it, the sheer love of a Savior who says that no casket can hold us? That it can’t hold our dearest ones? Are we trusting in the God of Easter morning to handle whatever is coming?

We must live this short, troubled life with a resurrection mentality. With a soul that never stops smiling over Easter morning. With a mind that remembers that the risen Savior proves that death and sin have no power here. With a faith that can stand at the foot of an open grave, knowing this is not the end, not even close. I know this story, we will whisper with a smile, and we will lean on our risen Savior. He is alive forever, and so are we.

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