Growing Old Together

When couples stand at an altar and pledge their lives to one another, typically they’re young and filled with idealistic views of a glittering future together. They sigh contentedly and dream about a day when they’re little old people, holding hands as they shuffle across the street together, having spent a lifetime in between living in relative health and prosperity.

I don’t think many of us expect that growing old part to arrive so quickly. It’s takes awhile to grow old–it’s a process, and that process starts a little earlier than we imagine when we’re starry-eyed 20-somethings. There comes a point when it gets harder to keep the extra pounds off. A few silver hairs start shining under the lights of the bathroom vanity. We look in the mirror and are confused by what we see. We only pictured the young us and the very old us and forgot to imagine what the middle-aged us would be like.

But, whether we’re prepared or not, middle age does come, and it brings with it all kinds of surprises and pills and hair dye. Yes, it even happened to Chad and me. At the same time, I’ve found that we’ve settled into a type of peace that was less present in our younger years. We’ve learned to accept the things we once thought we would change about each other. We’re less likely to delve into an emotionally-charged discussion; we generally vent to the Lord Himself and move on with life. We have more compassion for each other than we used to, and I think that’s probably the most wonderful thing about growing older with someone you love.

The past 27 years together represents a lot of time for Jesus to change our hearts. He has wrung out a lot of the selfish tendencies that ruled us at year ten. He has brought the necessary discipline into our lives to help us become more kind, less reactive, quicker to offer mercy, more likely to show grace. The truth is that it’s so much easier to live together now than when we were younger. But that doesn’t mean that we’re content to stay as we are today.

We have lots more growing to do, and we want God to do much more with our marriage. If the Lord wills it, this union is far from over, and we still have a lot to learn and experience together. As deep as our love is now, as many changes and challenges that it has overcome through the power of the Holy Spirit, we are expectant that there are depths of love that we haven’t reached yet, that there are phases ahead that will bring us a more complete understanding of each other and of God’s love. I can’t imagine a sadder scenario than coming to 27 years of marriage and deciding that the status quo is the goal for the next 27. We can grow until we die, because we have a living God who is always doing what is necessary to change us into individuals who think, act, and speak more like Jesus. If we seek Him together, there is no limit to the strength and passion and kingdom influence that He is willing to grant us as one flesh.

Middle age is here, with all its shifts and adjustments and new life phases. We had a hard time picturing this stage of life when we were young, but now that we’re here I’m relieved to find that God’s grace is more real to me than ever before, and much of that grace comes to me through the blessing of my marriage. The only thing that could stop us from growing ever closer to Jesus and to each other is our own stubborn unwillingness. Our hearts are His for the forming. Our marriage is in His hands. Greater things are yet to come.