It all started with my God-given personality. By nature I’m a “recreator,” an enjoyer of free time; in fact, I need down time in my life, just to relax and do nothing. I like to do fun stuff and I don’t like to do not fun stuff. I’m not a list-maker, a planner, or an organizer.
Although I was always successful in school, even earning a Master’s degree, I was the type who had papers sticking wildly out of every book. No plan of attack, no real concern about any assignment before the due date loomed immediately close, standing over me like a wicked giant in some fairy tale.
And, I married an organized, shirts-must-be-arranged-by-season-in-the-closet-type fella. He adores lists, plans of action, resolutions, sweeping under furniture, organizing and re-organizing the garage.
And then I had children. Three of them. And before long my whole life seemed like a battle against the clutter and whirlwind of kid stuff that attacked every room of the house.
And then I started a blog. And, blogging takes so much more time that you might realize.
And suddenly I had a whopping list of reasons why I couldn’t get things accomplished around here.
One day I woke up and realized that I was stressed out about the chaotic state of my life. There was no relaxation, EVER. But, it wasn’t because I never sat around. It was because I was sitting around too much. I was avoiding what I didn’t want to do, and it was making me miserable.
I believed the lie that I am not cut out to be a housewife. But, the truth is that I had let the sin of sloth scramble my life in the smallest ways, and the result was that I felt like a failure.
I could give you my huge list of excuses for why I wasn’t being an effective manager of my house. Some are legitimate. Some have to do with me fighting against my disorganized nature. But, my main issue is that I allowed laziness (although I hate to even type that word), to keep me from doing what I needed to do. And, not only was my poor husband paying for it, so were my children.
When I’m slothful it affects my family in different ways:
1. We can’t relax when we’re at home. If things are a mess, if everything is out of order and out of control, we are only staying here and not really living here. Our home should be a sanctuary, a pleasant escape from a harsh world.
2. I don’t feel like I have play time with the kids. When I constantly feel the weight of all that’s un-done, it’s hard to say yes when the kids want to play. I like to have things enough in order so that I can play with no guilt or stress.
3. I’m short with the kids. When things haven’t been properly taken care of at home, getting ready to leave here with three kids is a disaster. I am likely to be annoyed and short with them because of my lack of preparedness. I’ve spent many a Sunday morning drive to church trying to change my attitude before I walk through the door.
I am in no way suggesting that homes with children should be spotless or that we should be slaves to housework. But, I have discovered in my own life that if we want to enjoy being at home, there are certain things that have to be taken care of, despite how I feel about doing those things.
Slothfulness snuck up on me through these ten years of being home with kids. But, it’s no way to live. Jesus said that He came so that we might have abundant life. A big part of that spiritually plentiful life is doing everything we do like we’re doing it for Him.
Even if what we do is keeping clean underwear in dresser drawers. It matters more than you think.
Melissa, So true. However, it is true for this empty nester as well. Thanks for your blob.
Denise, I can see how that would also happen! Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone!
Thank you so much for this post! So many blog posts portray the writer as a woman who has it all together, whose hair is never out of place, whose makeup is flawless, whose house always looks like a picture in a magazine, whose children are always clean, well dressed, and high achievers. I cannot relate to them!
You have written the story of my life! It was only recently that God showed me that I am slothful–well, maybe that’s not correct–maybe it was only recently that I was able to admit, confess, and repent of this sin. I think he was nudging me for a long time but I didn’t want to admit it. One of the things He showed me was how this sin contributed to the demise of my marriage. I am not excusing my ex-husband’s choice to sin by committing adultery; however, I had to confess and repent how my laziness (and I, too, hate typing that word or applying it to myself!) impacted my marriage. My ex-husband was a business owner, and I quit my job when our son was born with the promise I would do the administrative work for his business. And while there were some other issues besides my laziness involved that made this situation unpleasant, in the end I would avoid office work and let it pile up to the point my husband would be angry. I much preferred to be involved at school, play with the kids or take them for walks, attend women’s bible studies, or go shopping. All good things, right? But many times they were avoidances of tasks I should have been taking of. And did I mention that my house was usually a mess, I often paid bills late because I had no organizational system to remind me, and I had a reputation as forgetful, unreliable, disorganized, and ineffective. In spite of that I was asked to serve in various leadership positions at school and church, but my laziness sabotaged me every time. And after my husband left it got even worse because now I had no accountability.
I am not perfect, but praise God through his grace and forgiveness I am a lot better than I used to be! I tackle the things I don’t want or don’t like to do instead of letting them go. I am more organized–I pay my bills on time and at work, when asked about a matter, I can answer the question because I am on top of things. My house still is a mess, but I blame that on my 26-year-old daughter and her Newfoundland living with me! Some health issues keep me from doing all I want to do, but I try to keep the living area neat and tidy.
When I read your words about a home being a sanctuary, it brought to mind something my son said to me a while back. He said while he loves coming to visit me, he doesn’t have any emotional ties to the house. That stung because I realized I did not create that warm feeling of home being a sanctuary, a place to go back to, full of fond memories and fun times. Not that he doesn’t have good memories of fun times, but not enough to make his childhood home a revered place.
Wow! Your comment is a good warning for all of us. Thanks so much for your honesty!
My ex-husband was emotionally and mentally abusive, and I suffered from depression for many years without recognizing it as such. I kept trying to fix myself, reading self-help books, always trying to improve. But it wasn’t until I allowed God to fix my heart that I was able to change. It wasn’t until I could confess my sin as sin without justifying, rationalizing, blaming, excusing, or ignoring it. When I came to God honestly and tearfully confessing not just laziness but a host of other sins I denied and pretended no one knew about, God was able to create a clean heart in me and my life has been different ever since. Not that I’m perfect, not that I don’t sometimes struggle with laziness (I think it will always be a challenge for me) but my life is SO much better now.
The worst part is knowing that my family, friends, neighbors, and other people I interacted with knew the truth. The best part is that most of them knew the truth and loved me anyway, but I still feel some shame over who I was and the reputation I had. I know that’s the enemy whispering in my ear, trying to keep me from moving forward under God’s keeping, and for the most part I celebrate who I am today and try to put that lazy woman behind me. “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.” -Philippians 3:13. To look back is to risk going back, and I don’t want to do that!
Thank you for an honest confession and willingness to name the sin. I’m guilty of it, too. In my case, laziness is both caused by, and results in, depression. It affects me spiritually in the most profound ways. To quote John Piper, I must “make war” against it.
Paula, I’m sorry about your struggle with depression! I hope you’re also getting the help of a doctor and medication. Thanks so much for your comment!
My battle with depression isn’t chemical; its entirely situational. If I listen to and obey God, it goes away. But it’s not just about the “doing” – it’s a matter of the heart.
Hi Melissa, great insight! I think we all fall into that trap of procrastination from time to time, particularly when its something we don’t want to do. Keeping from slipping further into a state of sloth takes awareness, discipline….and grace. Blessings to you! I”m going to cross-post at my blog because I appreciate your thoughts. http://www.NOTaTypicalPastor.com
Thank you, Pastor!
This is so true, and there are many temperaments that are prone to it in different ways … the perfectionist, the reflective type, the idealist …. I often become paralyzed over what I should do next, and the paralysis turns into a self-perpetuating downward spiral. Sometimes the line between sin and God-given temperament is a hard one to discern, but seeing sloth as sin, rather than rationalizing it, is crucial for staying on track!
Mother Dimble – A few months ago I was talking to a friend about my marriage difficulties, and one of the things I said was that I was paralyzed by fear because I was so afraid to do something wrong that I ended up doing nothing. And that wasn’t just with working with my husband’s business–it was much more far-reaching than that, affecting things like home décor, landscaping, entertaining, what I wore, what my kids wore, etc. Basically anything where I felt someone else could judge or have an opinion about me. The irony is that in failing to act, people judged me as lazy, which in my opinion is a worse outcome than not liking the clothes I’m wearing!
Yes, motherdimble! We all have our “issues” that lead to sin. I’m so glad that we have help through the Holy Spirit so that we’re not battling our tendencies all alone! Thanks for your comment!
All of this section speaks to me! At 56 years of age, I struggle daily with overcoming indecisiveness and procrastination! I have a long list of things to do, but to get started is a MOUNTAIN that needs to be moved daily! I have all manner of excuses. But the fact is…wasting precious time because of any reason is sin. And calling it what it is, confessing it in agreement with God and walking out of it forgiven and restored in order to serve HIM is the only antidote! I am thankful I am not alone, and take encouragement to be among others who struggle but seek the Lord! Bless you all! <3
I’m also that husband who loves to be organized. But let me go ahead and be truthful for just a sec. As much as I love to say that I am serving my wife (which I feel like on good days) when I get home from work or just the weekend, it is that thorn in the side & pride-fullness that sets in and floods my brain with all sorts of sinful thoughts that start with Why. Why is this, Why is that, Why didn’t she think of… I am called to encourage my wife, to die to myself, wash my wife with the Word, and do all things…..in LOVE. It’s not loving at all to complain or grumble as I “serve”. That’s not service, that’s pride. Husbands need forgiveness and to repent of this type of service. You know who you are. I am of the worst and I hate it. May the blood of Christ cover my sin. Oh the deep deep Love of Jesus. Thank you Christ for saving this poor sinner.
Well, I just love this comment. Your wife will appreciate this!
“Even if what we do is keeping clean underwear in dresser drawers. It matters more than you think.” I loved this – and all of it! Very true. Be faithful in small things. And in doing so, I find it helps with the bigger things!
Thank you, Angela! I agree!
No hubby, no kiddos, but OUCH this statement “But, my main issue is that I allowed laziness (although I hate to even type that word), to keep me from doing what I needed to do.” I think singles are even MORE inclined to allow this to happen. We are adults for pete’s sake, and like it or not, stuff has to get done. Thanks for the reminder 🙂
c.b., it’s tough being a grown up sometimes! 🙂 Thanks for this insight for singles!
My thoughts exactly. 🙂 Getting off my butt now.
🙂 Thanks, Carissa!
Wait a minute…………. Did you write this or did I? You just wrote down everything I am and feel. We need to do coffee! Wait, then our stuff won’t get done! 🙂
Ha ha, Alison! I guess we’ll have to do our work FIRST, then have coffee? 🙂 Thanks so much for your comment. There’s strength in numbers!!
I totally get this! Thanks for your reminder. The sin of slothfulness definitely creeps into my life in the winter. This is what I wrote a few years ago to help keep me on track. http://oaksofrighteousnesstheology.blogspot.com/2012/08/how-i-keep-it-runninglike-semi-oiled.html
Thank you for your transparent confession. I have been struggling with this for a long while. It’s so good to know I’m not alone! You have given me fresh inspiration. I am reminded His mercies are new every morning and confess your sins to one another and pray for one another and be healed. Father, thank you for this lady and all of us like her who have confessed to this sin. Thank you for the truth of your word and your precepts. We ask that you heal us of this sin reminding us of who we really do things for. Thank you for answering my prayer for more “one another’s” in my life! In Jesus name, Amen
Shelley, this is SUCH an encouraging comment! Thank you!
I think that some of us are guilty of getting too busy with good things that are not necessarily sin in themselves, but we do them to the point that they be come idols that rule our lives and be come sin. We probably all can name some things in our lives that “the shoe fits”. Myself I am a doer and can be too busy, then other things get out of control, like accumulating things, and then no time to care for them, then going to the point of being overwhelmed, then that translated to anxiety, depression, fear and so on. I was right where Satan wanted me, in a state of confusion. I kept praying for balance in my life. When God answered that prayer it was not pretty at all, nor easy the pruning he had to do, and the person he appointed to do it. We prayed for another home and my husband found a smaller home to downsize into….per my request to God to show him where we were to go, Oh dear, I had to get rid of most of everything I had and in a very short time, it was hard, very painful emotionally, and physically hard and was a war between my husband and my stuff and me. But I can say now that it was all for the best, life is so much easier when we do things God’s way, I now am more relaxed, have more free time and my husband is happy. I do believe that God had to make an impression on me and be harsh with me so that I will not forget and fall back into that same sin again. Whatever that “sin” is that God is dealing with you on, go thru the work to get free of it and there is greater freedom awaiting you. May God Bless you in your endeavor to walk in freedom, Praying that you get encouragement and inspiration to pray as I did for balance in your life and accept the answer even if it is difficult.
Others can learn from your experience, Beth!
I love this! It is something that I needed to hear. I am going to link this to https://anaturallivingmom.wordpress.com/ if that is ok.
Of course! Thanks so much!
As Denise O. above said, as an empty nester…me too! I was the organized list person all the time my kids were home. We home schooled, I cooked and baked from scratch and even ground my own flour. I served at church as well.
They grew up and left to have wonderful ordered lives and I slowly but surely started letting things slide. Yes, sloth IS the word, lazy IS the word, and I thank you for blogging about it.
After reading another blog today on being faithful in the little things (guess I should dust once in awhile after all) I, by God’s grace, will arise from my bed of ease and start following Him again in this area. One step at a time. That’s faithfulness.
Guilty! Thanks for saying it like it is!