Are you feeling unfulfilled? Taken advantage of? Do you feel like a victim? Are you convinced your marriage is doomed? Are you realizing that your children are holding you back? That motherhood is unsatisfying? That as a woman you are trapped, unappreciated, and probably suffering from unrecognized trauma or undiagnosed mental disorders? Do you believe your husband has narcissistic tendencies, that he is insensitive, that he doesn’t do enough, that he doesn’t care enough, that he isn’t the person you were meant to marry? Are you overwhelmed, angry, discouraged, and despairing? If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, then chances are good that you have spent quite a bit of time on social media this week.
Every other video on the internet seems to be trying to convince women to be dissatisfied with their lives. I’m not just talking about people displaying gorgeous homes and inspiring jealousy. I’m not even talking about the vast array of ads and influencer posts that convince us we aren’t allowed to age or sport any type of physical imperfections. I’m talking about reel after reel of men and women explaining to women specifically and in great detail why we should be unhappy.
They tell us that the good man who comes home to us each day is “abusive” or “neglectful” because he doesn’t perfectly tend to our every need. They throw around the word abuse in the context of things like not sharing enough of the household duties, about not performing perfectly in the bedroom, about not talking enough, not listening enough. Everyday, normal marriage conflict is elevated to the level of abuse or gaslighting and is quickly labeled a divorceable offense. These ideas plant seeds of doubt in women’s minds about the man they married, as if our relationships aren’t allowed to have struggles. If marriage isn’t easy, they say, you’re doing it wrong. You’re in the wrong place with the wrong man. Almost never do we see women being asked to examine ourselves and consider our own imperfections. It creates a dynamic in the hearts and minds of women that harms us spiritually: in marriage, my husband is the issue. He is making me unhappy.
Social media gurus also come after moms. Comedically complaining about children is the most popular theme of mom talk on the internet. This alone creates an attitude in women’s hearts. But more than that, serious discussions take place where women are told that this world asks too much of us, that we are the doormats of society because we are the caregivers, that we should be fighting for more freedom, that fun and fulfillment can’t be found within the doors of our homes–only when we leave it all behind and escape for a time. The best hours of the day are when the kids are sleeping, they say. And once again women’s hearts are overtaken by dissatisfaction: my kids are the issue. They are making me unhappy.
Not to sound overly dramatic, but this is where society breaks down. When we become convinced that our source of joy is anything that this world has to offer, whether it be possessions, relationships, or anything outside of Jesus Christ, we have forfeited any chance that we have to feel happiness, peace, or satisfaction. Of course marriage is hard. Even the most loving marriage is between two sinners. Of course raising children is a tough job. We are literally building the future of the world one person at a time. Many of you aren’t married or don’t have children, and you, too, have plenty of opportunities to feel dissatisfied. How much of social media do you think is aimed at making you feel less-than, making you feel like you are not meant to be the nurturers, the caregivers, or that you just don’t quite understand what it means to be a woman?
No matter our marital status or how many children we do or don’t have, women play such a crucial role in the world and in the church. How would it affect humankind, and what would the Christian faith look like if women became convinced to abdicate our roles? Satan thinks he knows. And he uses social media to fill women’s minds with as much doubt, confusion, and chaos as possible. Satan wants us to think more about ourselves. He wants us to believe that fulfillment comes from pleasures outside of our families and our churches. He wants us to believe that happiness is all there is to grab for in this sad world.
The trouble with happiness is that it is completely based on circumstances. Chasing happiness is chasing a fleeting emotion. Joy is something entirely different. It’s a gift of God and a fruit of the Spirit. Joy isn’t affected by circumstances, but is a soul-deep satisfaction that is based on the reality of Christ as Savior. Joy is tied to truths that never change: God’s goodness, hope in Christ, a wonderful future to anticipate, and more. Happiness comes and goes. Joy is a constant, if we seek the Lord. The Bible doesn’t teach that we can find happiness in all circumstances, but we can find joy, even in an imperfect marriage with two imperfect people, even in a hard season of motherhood, even in a period of loneliness, even in a time of waiting. Happiness is only smile-deep and lasts for a short while, but joy lives inside like a candle, burning through even the darkest times. Happiness is tied to love for ourselves, but joy is tied to love for Jesus.
What is the chief end of woman? To glorify God and enjoy Him forever. If social media is succeeding in convincing us that our purpose here is less than this, then we are being deceived. God didn’t place us here to chase every pleasure that seems like it will make us momentarily happy. He didn’t create us to constantly examine our happiness on a scale of 1 to 100. He created us to bring Him glory and to find satisfaction in Him alone, in whichever arena that He has mapped out for us. Satan wants the opposite for us. We can never forget that he is always prowling around, looking for anyone that he can destroy. Remember when he offered all the kingdoms of the world to Jesus? Satan hasn’t changed at all. He loves social media because he can dangle all kinds of things in front of our noses in hopes that we will choose ourselves instead of God’s glory. The question is: will we take the bait?
Thoughtful, we’ll-written and needed!
Thanks so much, Dr. Newbury! Thank you for reading!
Very good points! Thank you!
This is an incredibly important topic. Thank you for speaking truth and light into it. The dissatisfaction portrayed by believers is not only heartbreaking, but also a catalyst that may drive others away from the church and from Christ. If we are meant to be set apart and live in the world differently as a testimony to Gods goodness and glory….but our attitudes are no different than the world?? What a shame. May God be glorified as you continue to serve and write about difficult but necessary things. Blessings.