This past week was the 25th anniversary of the Wedgewood Baptist Church shooting in Fort Worth. When it happened, Chad and I had only been married for a little over three months, and since we lived in Nashville at the time, we felt far removed from what was naturally a national news story. The truly shocking thing was that a boy we had gone to college with was one of the people who was murdered that day. His sweet wife was and always has been such an incredible example of faith, and we have enjoyed a friendship with her through the years, watching with joy as, sometime later, she married a precious man who loves the Lord and they had two wonderful boys together.
It’s an interesting, mind-bending thing to think about God’s sovereignty. The psalmist tells us that God has each of our days numbered before one of them came to be, so we know with certainty that when our time is finished on this earth, God has a purpose in it. His plan is difficult to understand, but His purposes are good because He is a good God. Until we meet Him face to face, I don’t suppose we will ever understand why some lives are shorter than others. Only God knows.
As I watched different reflections of that terrible night that were posted as a remembrance this week, I couldn’t help but think of the what ifs. I thought about what it must have been like for our friends to have been married for such a short time before facing this shocking tragedy. I tried to imagine it, although imagination surely pales in comparison to the reality of living out such an experience. For a split second I pictured the life that Chad and I have known, our long friendship, the children God gave us. What if Chad or I had been called home in the year 1999? This particular life as we know it wouldn’t exist.
It makes me wonder why we don’t appreciate our day-to-day triumphs and struggles more. Why don’t we live in the grateful knowledge that God’s plan has allowed us all of these years together, so many funny moments, so many opprotunities to grow together, to love each other through unlovely times, to have fun together, even to suffer together? We are so easily sidetracked by stress, exhaustion, irritation, and ingratitude. We forget how to just enjoy each other and live in the beauty of the love God placed in our hearts so long ago.
Remembering how uncertain we are of that number of days God has ordained, I’ve been praying for a deeper appreciation for what we have right this minute. Things are changing and our family is morphing into something new. Kids are growing up and striking out into the world, we’re changing diapers and cheering on high schoolers and offering support to college kids from afar and helping a preteen embark on a new kind of life as an older kid. And each of these phases is precious. Our church is growing, and our responsibilities are multiplying. Chad and I have lines on our faces, and we’re tired. Really tired. But he is still the same boy and I’m the same girl. We still don’t love being around anyone else as much as we love being together.
This life is a gift. Not just past versions of it, this particular life, today. When one of us gets to that last day that God has for us, I don’t want either of us to have to say, “I only wish I had seen the beauty of this life that God gave us every day, instead just once in awhile.”
If we knew that tomorrow was our last day, I guarantee we would view today differently. We would slow down. We would put down our phones. We would say sweet things that we hold back on a regular Thursday. We would have more grace for each other, more awe, more kindness. We would set aside all of the distractions of busyness and enjoy the moment. We would thank God for simple pleasures and we would find the joy.
As the days wear on, some things will get easier, and some will get much harder. But God has a purpose for all of it. It’s a plan to make us more like Jesus, to teach us that joy is a gift of the Holy Spirit that has nothing to do with circumstances. And I hope when we come to the end of this life together that Chad and I will know that we wrung all of the goodness and love and God-honoring gratitude out of this life that we possibly could. Maybe it’s a good thing every once in awhile to think about those what ifs, if they help us stop to appreciate our right now. God’s gracious love is evident all around.
Hi Melissa, I would encourage you to read a book called “The Gap and the Gain”. It addresses the fundamental issue that I think you are referencing here. We don’t recognize the small wins because we rarely look back at how far we come. We don’t recognize all the small things God has done. Instead, we seem to always focus on how far we have to go. Keep walking forward, praising Him all along the way. That should be how we think. I try to keep a “blessings” Google sheet as part of this process that I update daily with dates and what God has done. This is also why I love the geneaology of Jesus.
Thank you, Bill!
Thankyou Melissa for this good reminder for me to DAILY seek joy in my relationship with my husband of 56 years..he is the “man of my dreams”.
Sometimes I say things that are not gracious, kind or loving, how can that be! But we never go to bed angry with each other, advice that was given at our wedding
Thank you, Janie!
Melissa, this post was such a blessing to me this morning. Caregiving for elderly parents and marriage have shown me areas of ingratitude, selfishness, and arrogance that are so deeply ingrained. One would think that having reached the age of 72, these areas would have become more sanctified, more recognized and confessed, more submitted. How beautifully you expressed the imperative need to appreciate, revel in, and faithfully really love even through unlovely times and irritations that will arise in this broken world. “…more grace, more awe, more kindness.” Thank you for your encouraging writing.
Thank you so much for this!