Update: valancyroses is our winner! Congratulations! Enjoy your date night!
Chad and I have been married for almost 19 years. In that time we have had some beautifully romantic moments that stand out in my mind. But, the truth is that in the long haul, marriage isn’t a continual series of memorable romantic gestures. Real romance isn’t just flowers or jewelry or poems or exotic vacations, even though those things can be nice. To be honest, I have seen some of the greatest examples of real romance at the many funerals that Chad and I have been a part of through our years of ministry. Watching a grieving husband or wife remember the life they shared with their spouse, all of the memories, all of the sacrifices made, all of the struggles they faced together–it will forever ban from your mind the notion that romance is all about date nights. Real romance is a lifetime of dedication and devotion, years of putting the needs of another person ahead of your own, decades of serving one another in humility and love.
So, it’s from that perspective that I present five ways that I believe you can help to keep true romance alive in your marriage.
1. Make Christ supreme.
So many marriage issues could be solved if we simply knew Jesus more. If we sought Him more and made Him the ultimate priority of our lives. As Dave Harvey says in his excellent book When Sinners Say I Do, “What we believe about God determines the quality of our marriage.” If we want our marriage to become all that we hoped it would be–a lifetime of commitment and self-sacrifice and true, soul-deep love for one another, it has to begin with our own relationship with Christ. There is nothing more romantic than seeking and serving Jesus together because that is real and it’s messy and it ends with two people who see each other’s faults and flaws but choose to love strong anyway. That kind of love is born of Christ and it is Christ-like, and it is the stuff that true romance is made of. It will only happen if we know Him and we are actively working to know Him more
2. Keep a long-term perspective.
Don’t fall into the trap of obsessing over things that ultimately don’t matter. That $50 on the credit card, those dirty clothes on the floor, that irritated response, that thoughtless comment–consider whether any of that will matter at all when you are old and gray and looking back on a long life together. Consider whether that bowl left out on the counter will still be annoying you when you are standing next to his casket one day, after a lifetime of commitment and laughter and tears come flooding over you as you look at his face one last time. We spend so much time thinking about things that have no real significance that we often let them overshadow all of the blessings of our marriage. We let small annoyances turn into huge roadblocks in our relationship. If we dismiss the small stuff instead, we will create an atmosphere of love and acceptance and grace that will allow real romance to flourish.
3. Talk to each other.
I don’t think it’s possible to over-emphasize the importance of communication if you want to keep romance alive in your marriage. You can’t know someone if they don’t share their thoughts, memories, dreams, ideas, fears, joys and sorrows with you. Your spouse should be your closest friend. Couples who don’t talk don’t feel bonded. They don’t feel like a team. They are likely to be living two isolated lives, and there is nothing more sad than married people who have all the potential in the world to feel loved and happy, but who just feel sad and lonely. If you and your spouse are struggling through life keeping all of your burdens and worries and dreams of the future to yourselves, then romance is surely dead in your marriage. Only when we communicate with each other on an intimate level can true romance thrive. A bouquet of flowers means absolutely nothing if the lines of communication are down. The good news is that it’s easy to fix this problem: start talking. Start asking questions.
4. After Christ, give each other top priority.
Your relationship with your spouse is one of the easiest to neglect. You are more likely to let your spouse down before you will let others in your life down because, well, they’re your spouse and they will understand. But, even if your spouse doesn’t blow up or seem upset with you, a continual pattern of giving him or her low priority in your life will make it impossible to keep the romance alive. It’s easy to let the children or a job replace your spouse on your list of importance. But, you must remember–one day you will retire. One day the children will grow up and leave. You have to constantly nurture your marriage by letting your spouse know that they are your number one concern, after your relationship with Christ. There is nothing less romantic than being made to feel unimportant and forgotten.
5. Have fun together.
Don’t forget how to laugh. Don’t get so serious and wrapped up in the struggles and the problems that you don’t remember how to have fun together anymore. Keep the inside jokes going. Be okay with laughing at yourself. Life is hilarious. Don’t get hung up on the idea of date nights as the only way to have fun together. Yes, they’re fun, but so is hanging out in your living room after the kids are in bed. In one evening you can communicate, give each other priority, and have a great time just sitting in front of the TV, eating ice cream and talking about whatever comes to mind. Don’t ever underestimate the power of time spent together, whether you’re having a fancy dinner or eating corndogs while you sit on the kitchen counter. Having fun with your spouse isn’t complicated: laugh and be pleasant and remember why you fell in love in the first place.
I’m excited to do a little giveaway to help you make your spouse a priority in the coming weeks! I am giving away a $20 Fandango giftcard to one lucky reader so that you can go enjoy a movie with your spouse! All you have to do to enter is to leave a comment telling me one thing you appreciate about your husband or wife. So easy!
Chad and I decided years ago that we wouldn’t go to any more R rated movies or any PG-13 movies that we haven’t check out on a family movie review site. It’s so difficult to find movies that are rated PG, so we rarely go to the movies. But, there’s a movie coming out next weekend I wanted to make you aware of–it’s a romance that’s rated PG!
It’s called Forever My Girl. Here’s a brief synopsis of the movie:
Forever My Girl tells the story of music super-star Liam Page (Alex Roe) who left his bride, Josie (Jessica Rothe), at the altar choosing fame and fortune instead. However, Liam never got over Josie, his one true love, nor did he ever forget his Southern roots in the small community where he was born and raised. When he unexpectedly returns to his hometown for the funeral of his high school best friend, Liam is suddenly faced with the consequences of all that he left behind. Forever My Girl is an uplifting romantic film about second chances.
The movie releases on January 19th. It’s so refreshing to see some film companies making movies for those of us who want to avoid nudity and bad language. I haven’t seen the movie, so I can’t necessarily recommend it yet, but it’s definitely worth looking into if you are looking for a fun night out with your spouse.
I hope some of the tips I mentioned here today are helpful. Remember that romance isn’t about grand gestures. It’s about all of the small ways to love each other.
I received compensation for mentioning Forever My Girl in this blog post. All of the marriage tips are 100% from my heart. The giveaway is sponsored by Chad and me, just because we want to do something fun for my amazing readers! I’ll announce a winner on Friday, January 19th!
I appreciate many things about my husband. One of those thing is his faithfulness…faithfulness toward God, towards me, towards the kids, and towards his work.
Very nice article! Well done.
I enjoyed every detail you mentioned Melissa, it’s good to be reminded of why we both fell in love with one another…
I love my husband because he isn’t just a spouse, but my partner in purpose, my best friend who I can always share any thing with no matter how gray sided it may be, the way he accepts me gives me a better understanding of how Jesus loves us unconditionally and how he accepts us no matter what…
I love how we communicate with each other, we have always made it a high priority to talk about everything, and never go to bed angry. It’s made such a difference, I really do feel like I married my best friend.
My husband works so hard for our family & I don’t tell him thank you often enough!
I love my husbands sense of humor. Just like you said, fun and memorable moments can happen inside the home. Thank you for your blog, it’s always a fun way to start my day.
My husband works hard for our family but knows how to have fun too. He keeps me laughing and wilking to try new things.
I love that my husband is giving of himself to others. He’s quick to jump in and help with whatever is needed, even without being asked. He’s always true to himself no matter what.
There are too many to list here. I love how he makes me laugh. He works so hard for our family. He supports the things I want to do, just because I want to do them. He has the best smile. He loves our children with a ferocious love and protects and cares for them with all his might. Things are just better with him than without.
My hubby does all of the laundry and dishes, but more than that I appreciate that we can talk about anything and everything!
I appreciate my husband’s love for and commitment to the word of God… allowing it to transform His life. And, he makes the coffee almost every morning!
That does look like a good movie! One thing I really appreciate about my husband is that he never fails to be appreciative (and remind our kids to do the same) of my work when I’m cooking meals or cleaning up after everyone.
My husband is such a hard worker, and in our 25 years of marriage he has always put our family first!
One thing that I appreciate about my husband….He is a pastor, we’ve been married for over 20 year. We have moved around the country to different ministries over the years. My elderly mother (age 82) lives in Florida. My husband promised me that no matter where we lived, we would always go home for Christmas so I could be with my mom. He has kept that promise and it has meant so much to me as my mom and I are very close. He has understood how important it is for me to be with her at Christmas and because of that, it has become important to him. I appreciate that so much!!!
My husband has been cheerfully helping with our son during the many times he wakes up during the night. That helps me so much!
I appreciate when my husband apologizes. He doesn’t have to do it often, but I know how it feels when your partner never can say/ feel such a simple, yet selfless, loving act of peace & forgiveness. ❤️
I also appreciate when he takes me to the movies since we haven’t been since the baby was born
Great article on marriage! I communicate so much with my husband now that I’m sure he wishes I would call my girlfriends more often
My winky face emojis aren’t showing after the movie comment lol
I love that my husband loves Jesus more than me. I love that he wakes up with babies in the middle of the night so I can sleep…
And, I love that he is my best friend!
Thank you for the reminders! I totally agree that date nights can happen after the kids are in bed! It’s what we do so much of the time, due to lack of sitters and lack of money to go out.
One thing I appreciate about my husband is his serving attitude toward me. A few examples are watching the kids with no complaining so I can go out with some girl friends, making breakfast Saturday morning for everyone but serving mine in bed so I can sleep in and enjoy some quiet, washing the dishes without being asked, and even sending me to our bedroom to read or take a bath while he gets everyone settled for the night. The past few years since we adopted have been SO HARD, but my husband has made our marriage and my emotional health priority and I am so thankful for that!
I am so blessed!!
I also forgot to mention that 1999 was an awesome year to get married! We are going on 19 years, too! 🙂
My hubby has such an servants hearts for others! I am so blessed to have such a Godly man! Loved your post!
I appreciate Scott’s care for me. He works hard to provide for our family.
My husband loves me well, even when I don’t deserve it.
One of the many things I appreciate about my husband is how well and sincerely he loves others. He loves our congregation well, he loves all people, he love our boys well and he is an active example to me of how Christ loves the church in his love and service to me.
My husband makes knowing Christ his first priority. Because of that he loves me and my 3 teens (his step children) so very well!
Five years ago, we moved in with my mother to take care of her. I love how my husband , Joe, loves my mother over the summer he built a porch not just any porch. But a porch that leads to the garage so my mom doesn’t have to walk to far for the car. It was a labor of love. My husband is a true servant of the Lord.
Your article was great. Love and seek Jesus first and He will give us the desires of our heart.
I appreciate how much my husband enjoys being with our children; not all men do.
I love my husband’s selflessness. He serves our family continually without grumble or complaint and we are so very thankful.
This is definitely not the thing I appreciate most about my husband, but he gets up with our kiddos every morning and let’s me sleep since I am not a morning person. He is the best!
My husband is very patient and kind toward me.
I love reading your blogs. They are so down to earth and spiritual! Thanks for sharing
Thanks so much, Camin!
My husband amazes me everyday, even when I am mad at him. He lost his arm in an accident when he was 32 and he suffers with pain all the time and has so many surgeries and endless physical therapy. Despite all of that he has never told anyone he couldn’t do something, he can’t even wear his prosthetic but he will push mow the yard, build anything you can dream of and fix anything that goes wrong with a vehicle. He doesn’t complain and has always had such an upbeat spirit despite his daily difficulties. He is not only and inspiration to me but to anyone he meets. Romance is when he builds you a beautiful pantry because you have complained about not having enough space and you know how hard it must have been for him to do it. God has been with him without a doubt.
I appreciate my husband’s strong work ethic and his strength to work hard for me and for the family. It is such a hard job to be at work all day and then come home to chaos. He handles it so well and has compassion for me in my times of need. He is an amazing dad, too.
My husband is my best friend, is easy going and makes everything seem brighter.
Having fun together is so important and my husband and I are really figuring that out. I think it’s easy for things to become ordinary in marriage. Especially if you have kids, a routine and have been together for a long time. Right now we’re trying to find ways to reconnect, bring that spark and fun back in to our relationship. We found “The ABCs of LOVE” by Diana Shulman to be helpful. She’s got a lot of wonderful info on her website too, http://www.dianashulman.com/. Thanks for this post, you never think you’re going to need relationship help until you find yourself searching for it – I appreciate your insight!