I have spilled a lot of ink through the years trying to find all the right words to describe what it’s like to know true love. In the past six years I’ve written roughly 40 blog posts devoted to Chad and our marriage and our great love for each other. Sometimes I wonder if there’s anything left to say, but still I keep going. The words and ideas come out of the genuine wonder that I still feel after all of this time.
Today is our eighteenth wedding anniversary. I woke up thinking about our first night together in that little bed and breakfast in Granbury, Texas. I remember that I hardly slept all night–I wasn’t used to having this other person in my bed. We both woke up throughout the night, surprised I think, to remember that we were now responsible for each other.
I was embarrassed to even flush the toilet that first night.
But, this morning, we woke up in our familiar way, eighteen years into this thing. We have plowed through, tripped over, and prayed that God would tear down various barriers between us through the years. And, this morning, after we had only recently seen another fall, I thanked God that He keeps proving to us that it is possible to continue growing closer and closer to each other, even though we’ve been sharing every day of life for almost two decades.
This marriage is a miracle.
Our love isn’t perfect. We make plenty of mistakes and we get selfish and we get unreasonable. We say untrue things and think untrue things, and we are scared to bring up what needs to be said. We get irritated and rude. We roll our eyes.
But, of all the things that Jesus made in this world, of all the pleasures and kindnesses that He was gracious enough to provide, I don’t know if there are enough words to say thank you for this love of mine. For this marriage that has taught me so much about His goodness. For this man who has led me to the cross over and over again. If you’ve been reading my blog for awhile, you’re probably tired of hearing it. But, I just can’t stop being grateful.
I hope I never do.
Happy 18th wedding anniversary, Chad.