God isn’t done with us. Maybe you need to hear this story as much as I did. I remember the day my friend McKenzie first told me about the unexpected turn that her life took when she was only 18–I was struck by how God’s grace and goodness are all over it. I think you’ll enjoy hearing from this dear mother and wife. Please welcome my friend McKenzie Frazier:
Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. – Psalm 127:3
Maybe my upbringing sounds similar to yours: I grew up believing and loving the Lord. However, when I went to college I decided to go my own way. After only a few months of this lifestyle, I became pregnant. I, a scared and ashamed eighteen-year-old, had a lapse of judgment and my world was now falling apart. I felt like the best option was to get an abortion. It seemed like the easiest way to make this nightmare go away, to eliminate the small-town rumors, to save myself from the shame and guilt of an unplanned pregnancy. I didn’t want my life to be ruined. I hadn’t even finished my first year of college. How could I go from high-school Valedictorian to pregnant, college drop-out? I wouldn’t… I was going to take care of this… I was going to make this all go away… I was going to get my life back…
So, I called the nearest abortion clinic and made the appointment. Even though every fiber of my being knew that it was wrong. Every bit of conviction I could feel was telling me there was another way. But, the other way was hard. It was selfless. It was not the plan I had for myself. The other way involved coming to the realization that sin on top of sin was not the answer. The answer was coming to a loving Savior and asking for forgiveness. The answer was being broken because of my sin while looking forward to what a redeeming God could accomplish through my brokenness. The answer was allowing this gift from the Lord I had living inside of me the chance at life.
The night before the appointment, God revealed himself to me in such a real way. It was 3:00 in the morning and I could not sleep. My heart was in such turmoil over the choice I was making. Then, I heard God speak to my heart is such a clear way. The silence I felt from Him before was now overcome with whispers of His reassurance. These words of truth were imprinted on my heart from that moment on:
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart…- Jeremiah 1: 5 (NIV)
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.–Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV)
So I made the choice to keep my sweet baby. But, that doesn’t mean that it was easy. It was still hard. It was hard to move back home from college into my parents’ house. It was difficult to see my friends enjoying their college experience while I was at home watching it all from Facebook. But, God was faithful. Six months after my sweet boy was born I was engaged to the Godliest man I have ever come to know. And, the month before my son’s first birthday, we were married. God has given us a ministry together. We have devoted our life and our family to His service. I have gladly devoted my life to loving and taking care of our children. I have been blessed to stay at home with them since the day they were born. We even started homeschooling this year.
The decision to keep my son was one of the greatest decisions I have ever made. He has brought more joy to my life than I could have ever anticipated. Sometimes I look into his precious eyes and let my mind wander to never knowing him. I think about never hearing his laugh, or listening to him sing a song, or hearing his sweet prayers. Had God not intervened, I would have missed out on one of my life’s greatest blessings. I am grateful every day for the Holy Spirit convicting my heart and reminding me how valuable a life is.
God was not done with me. He’s still not done with me. Just like he’s not done with you. He gave me a testimony to share with women who are struggling with this same choice. He gave me the ability to encourage an overwhelmed mama when she overlooks the incredible blessing of her children. He even walked with me through a recent miscarriage which reiterated the same truths to my heart, that he himself is the Creator and Sustainer of life.
There is life after a mistake. There is forgiveness after sin. Sin is never God’s desire, but God can redeem even our worst mistakes.
God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him,
though he is not far from any one of us. -Acts 17:27
I felt all the things that your friend did, but was not a Christian at the time- there was something in me that knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway to hide my shame. That was in 1979. In I984 I made a decision to follow the Lord, but carried the guilt and all of that connected with the abortion around for another 14 years. A series of circumstances orchestrated through the Lord brought me to my need for help (I was married with two wonderful children and a loving husband). He (God) made me face it for the sin that it was, and gave me the grace to be forgiven and to forgive myself (hardest). I went through a Bible study with a counselor at a local crisis pregnancy resource center. I wrote to the father and forgave him, and to this counselor that told me she had had three and that it was “no big deal”- all the lies. God has used this in my life to show me my brokenness, and His infinite mercy. I have been cautioned not to run it up the flagpole with just anyone, but as I get older, I am less willing to hide it because my experience could help someone else. I know that I will see my child in heaven some day. I suspect that there are a lot of women out there like me. There is a wonderful site called “Silent no More” which I encourage those who need help to go to or contact your Crisis Pregnancy Center. I was told many things that were not true. It’s why every year, I do the Walk for life.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Martha! I think we should be shocked by how many women in our churches are dealing with the pain of abortion. The more you and McKenzie and others share your stories, the more women will see that they aren’t alone and that there’s redemption and healing in Jesus Christ. Thank you!
that’s the way I feel too. This seemed like an appropriate place. I will be 60 next year.
Thank you for sharing. I worked at a crisis pregnancy center and know that those that have had abortions need to know God’s forgiveness, too. God bless you.
Very good post. Just wish the author would have reassured those that have made the irreversible decision of abortion,that God also forgives and redeems in this place, too. Praise God for Martha’s comment!