I am constantly seeing different posts on Facebook about the kind of man we ought to marry or the kind we ought to wait for or the kind we deserve. The hypothetical creatures that are described in these memes will supposedly do everything from standing in the rain with us to making us breakfast in bed to pampering us when we’re having our period. They will call us “darling” and apologize even when we’re wrong and will treat us like a child when we want them to and like a grown up when we want them to. They’ll hold us when we cry and hold us when we are throwing a fit and hold us when we are being a spoiled brat. They will give us money for whatever we want. They will never question us. They will rub our feet and warm our towel in the dryer during the hot bath that they drew for us. They will greet us with roses on a regular basis, and they will always, most definitely, understand all the inner workings of our mind. And, if they don’t, then they will acknowledge their idiocy and our brilliance.
I’m not really sure how these things keep getting passed around, or why so many women seem to feel that men like this exist. And, I suppose the bigger question is: why would you want a man like this? The make-believe figures that keep making the rounds on social media sound to me like husbands who will in no way challenge you or help you to grow as a person. Do we REALLY want men who are so afraid of us that they would never question us? Do we really believe that we are so privileged or perfect that we never need questioning?
Are these the men that single women are really waiting for? Are married women really convinced that posting such things will motivate their husbands to be different?
I’m so confused.
Here’s the truth. Men are human beings, just like women are human beings. But, we have let silly movies and fantasies lead us to believe that the REALLY good men are different. That they spend their entire day dreaming up ways to pamper us. We fool ourselves into thinking that the really good men leave love notes and wash dishes and plan elaborate trips and show up with diamonds they can’t afford. We live in our chick flick haze and we get upset when our really good men go to work and play with the kids and mow the yard and make sure the tires on our cars are okay. We are dissatisfied when our really good men sit on the couch and watch football. We just don’t feel special enough when our really good men smile across the room because, you know, no flowers, no chocolates, no handmade book of memories, no rose petal paths to anyplace.
It’s just getting absurd. You want to know if you have a REALLY good man? Here’s a test for you. Does he love God? Does he love you? Does he work hard? Does he come home? Does he love your children? If so, then you’ve got a good one.
I remember one night many years ago. Chad came home late, and it had snowed. Our normally ugly rundown little neighborhood was covered in a beautiful, clean blanket of glittery white snow. He came to the door, and he was flushed and looked freezing. I could tell he was excited. He led me out the front door of our little house, and I stood on the porch and read the words he had stamped into the snow with his now soaked tennis shoes: Chad loves Melissa. It was a sweet, sincere, spur-of-the-moment expression of his love.
And, I wasn’t satisfied with it.
I wondered why he put so little effort into showing his care for me. I had been duped into believing that really good men make showy, elaborate, breath-taking statements of their love. And, because I was so determined that that meant money spent and plans made well in advance, I missed, in that moment, the beauty of the showy, elaborate, breath-taking statement that he had stamped out in our snowy front yard in the middle of the night.
Don’t worry. I see it now.
Please, please, dear wives and women who are waiting: Don’t miss the really good man who is right in front of you because you are too focused on the imaginary men that you have read about in books or seen in movies. Not every day has to be a fairy tale. Some days are all paying bills and buying dog food and eating leftovers. Some days are all annoying habits and not enough sleep. Some days are better and some are worse. But, we promised to stick close through both types of days. And, we should never, ever lose our wonder at the miracle of living life together.
If we will only learn to appreciate our really good men for who they are what they do, then one day, when they leave the last Oreo for us or when they make sure our car registration is up to date or when they wink at us across a crowded room, we’ll remember that real romance is so much more than diamonds and whatever Nicholas Sparks dreams up. The really good men deserve better than our constant criticism and dissatisfaction. The grass isn’t greener in chick flick land. It’s astroturf. Stick to your own yard, where your really good man is probably mowing. That’s true romance.
What does “loving god” have to do with being a good man. One has absolutely nothing to do with the other. I’m an atheist, ask my wife what kind of husband and father I am. And I know “god loving” men that suck as husbands and fathers.
I’m not an atheist and I agree with the previous comment, the “does he love God” part ruins what is otherwise a good artice. The two are unrelated, being a good person doesn’t require loving God, and just because you love God doesn’t mean you’re a good person.
The Lost Follower
I suppose I can agree to that but what you’re saying then is that God had nothing to dp with you being created. It wasn’t your parents or yourselves that possibly made you the way you were inside right! Or are you saying God had nothing to do with that?
Then you don’t understand the truest definition of good, you cannot be a good person without loving your’s and your wife’s creator and sustained.
I would disagree. Anyone who -truly- loves God would assuredly be a good person. However there are those who claim to love God but their actions and treatment of others tell the true story. Sadly theses people have destroyed the true Christian’s image in this world.
Then ignore that part and move on. I like it because I believe it’s true, but if you don’t and the rest of it is good then just omit it instead of getting all caught up on it. No harm needed.
Yes but if you are a Christian it is important to have a man who loves God.
The Lost Follower
I don’t care what your religious backgroung is! As long as you can believe that God exists than that is for you and God to have words with each other.But if you believe that he don’t then you also believe your parents are in know where land. I don’t think that is true. If they didn’t believe in him than you may not have been born alive or even at all. I would even bet that your parents were Christians and I’ll bet you never talked to them like that or like the way your tone was with me. Oh yes I could tell!
You made a really good point until you decided to bash God loving men. Good try.
The Lost Follower
That’s how I feel Angela! But it sounds like God doesn’t exist according to him anyway. Specially by the sound of his voice in what he was saying.I have nothing against Atheists but to sound like God doesn’t exist is (pardon my language but) Asinine! He wouldn’t even be alive if GOD didn’t exist!
Totally agree with you sir. As an atheist, great father and husband. I couldn’t agree with you more.
It’s because God himself is love and he is the only one who can teach us how to love, you see this is why God created us to love us and through us …without Him it can never be complete, true and lasting because it’s His and you’ve got to accept Him to know Love <3
The Lost Follower
You just put into words what I couldn’t. That is the things I’ve been trying to put in my post. Thank you Julie.
Agreed! The comments from Christians in response to you are woefully unintelligible! “Oh yeah, I bet your parents were Christians, oh yeah, you think God had nothing to do with you being made by your parents….” Hilarious!
The Lost Follower
Don’t get me wrong! I know we were made by our parents. But I feel,now I say I feel that God put it in your thoughts to have kids just as he put it in your parents head to have you and your siblings or how ever the case. Because he knew with all the stuff that you and your husband had in order to raid a family. He help make that happen I feel too. Or you might have had some sort of difficulty or something mighty have happened with your pregnancy or something of the sort. God has his reasons for things. And thank GOD he didn’t see anything wrong with what y ou guys were doing or did for that matter. I’m glad you are doing well with the husband you chose.I hope you and your husband and kids if you have the flourish well.
David, the problem with leaving God out of the comparison is we always select our comparison standards to include the losers who make us look good. And so long as we are better than the guys we picked out or our loved ones picked out we can all say exactly what you said. I am very happy that you and your wife have a great marriage and you are a great dad and great provider but that’s not the point of your life. The point of your life is that your are created by God to be just like Him and to do what He does. God loves, forgives, provides, fights for, comforts, plays with, heals, and enjoys everyone. It sounds like that’s what is in your heart to to for your family. All of it came from God. But he also loves people who have chosen to be his enemies or deny his existence. He also suffered horribly and died for them to be able to not be judged by him while they live. He also forgave us before we asked him to. He also closed the case against us forever and promised to never count our future mistakes against us and said that the only thing that will ever keep us from having a two way relationship with Him is what we choose to believe about him and even if we believe wrongly He still pursue us in love in a one way relationship. All of that is super human love. You can give that kind of love too, once in a while, without loving God because you are made like him (right now you’re just a chip off the old block that is created to become the old block) but in order to do it continually, you must open the door of your heart and receive His love for you. You cannot give away something that you have not first received. If you want to go to the next level, the only way to do it is recieve His super human love so that you can start giving it away. That’s what the author meant when she mentioned loving God. After we have first received His love for us individually our immediate reaction is to be helplessly compelled to love Him and others in super human ways. That was the most important thing that she said because it gives us unlimited power to love our wife and kids. Check out 1 John, 2 John and 3 John in the New Testament. It says it so much better than I just did and it will only take you about 30 minutes. Relationship with others is not about keeping a set of rules or beating the guys we picked out to make us look ok. It’s about loving others in super human ways regardless of what others do or don’t do for us with no strings attached. This is what you are called to do but can only do by recieving God’s love for you.
It is a Christian writer. He wasn’t hating other belief preferences. To Christians that is a priority so he put that first. This is not a hate bandwagon.
It doesn’t mean that they’re the BEST kind of man, it just means that there’s a foundation of Christ in the home and brings a family together. Not all husbands are perfect if they’re a God-loving man. Nobody is a perfect husband or man.
Do you know how to tell if a person is an atheist?
Wait five minutes and they will tell you.
No one’s perfect but everyone has to strive to be better than they are right now. Get over it and move on. Don’t get caught up in something that you can simply ignore. Skip over it and get caught up in the rest of the good stuff that is mentioned. I like it because I love God, you don’t so ignore it and get lost in the good stuff.
Too each is own!! As Christians we still love atheist!! Wrong or right!! In ones eyes loving God makes you a better husband and being lost you can still be a good husband
I really wanted to just scroll on after reading your post, but just couldn’t. I’m thankful that you are a good husband and father. What hurts my heart is the fact that you deny God. I absolutely respect your belief although I disagree, for we all have the choice to make of what we believe, so I’m not trying to bash you here. I choose to believe in a loving God who created the heavens and earth and all that is within them. So, I have a couple questions for you. What if you’re right in your choice? Then you and your family are fine, you live your life here on earth and when your body fails and can no longer survive, you fall into basically a sleep that you never awaken from and all is said and done except for the grief of those you left behind. Nothing is lost, you’ve lived your life and you enjoyed it, lived life to the fullest and taught your wife and children to follow your path. What if I’m wrong? Then, I’ve lived my life following a Book that even though it was false, it taught me to strive to be a better person, to follow the example of a supposed Savior who commands me to love, I’ve had the hope of being reunited with loved ones that have gone before me and the hope of eternal life. I’ve taught my children, grandchildren, and others to live by these examples as well. I die with no regrets or questions as to whether I’m right or wrong, wondering if there really may be something bigger than me, because being wrong doesn’t have any consequences because there was no greater One waiting to receive me to Himself. But, what if I’m right in my choice? Unlike my decision that you believe is wrong, your decision has great consequences if I’m right. Do you ever question whether you’re right or wrong? Do you ever wonder if you’re leading your family in the right way or not? A family who is looking to you as an example, a leader, someone to trust with their future. Do you ever think about that day where you breathe your last breath and at that moment, your heart has not changed it’s mind and you suddenly find out that your choice was wrong and now you have no way to communicate that to your family and those that you left behind that may have followed your choice? If I’m right, my heart hurts for the choice you have made for not only yourself, but your family and those who look up to you, who follow you. I really hope that you can sense that I’m truly not bashing you here. My heart cries for you and yours and as I write this, I have tears in my eyes. There’s no condemnation in what I write and I hope you truly do know that. May you truly think of your decision and the choice you live for you and your future generations.
That is so well said thanku
Maybe it does to the author. I don’t think she was singling anyone out on purpose. In your case maybe add, “Is your man overly sensitive?”
Thanks so much for this Ms. Melissa! Appreciated my man even more!! Still remember when he sends me pictures of his drawings (roses, i love you’s..), picture of himself holding a note saying how much he loves and misses me when we we’re still miles apart. These little things are the sweetest because I know he puts an extra effort for it instead of buying material things. <3 I have a really good man. Thanks again!
I disagree. I think you can have all of those qualities in a man AND have a man who loves God and family and is strong and provides. I think when you learn to appreciate the little things, they in turn do more for you to appreciate. A friend gave me an idea years ago and I finally have an opportunity to put the idea to good use. You keep a journal and every day you write down one thing sweet your husband did for you that day. It makes you actively look for things your husband is doing for you and helps you appreciate him more. My husband does alot of the things mentioned in the post on both the ‘man you’ll never find’ section and the ‘man you should be thankful to have/settle for.’ I’m sure there are men out there who deserve a chance to be a dream man without all the prince charming things but I don’t think that having a man who brings you breakfast in bed and pampers you means that your husband is weak at all! It doesn’t mean he cowers down to you. It means that he loves his wife like Christ loves the church and just like God does great things for us that we don’t deserve… He does stuff for his wife that she doesn’t necessarily have to have or deserve. The standards for men these days have gone WAY down hill and while I think that we should appreciate the little things…I don’t think it’s unreasonable to get a foot massage or breakfast in bed once in awhile. The standard of behavior for men has gone down hill BECAUSE women accept less. If women had higher standards there wouldn’t be as much family dysfunction out there today. Think about it… If women had higher standards today do you think there would be as much infidelity? There’re two parties involved in a situation like that… It’s not just ‘unfaithful men today’ it’s women with lowered standards thinking they can’t do any better so they settle on a man who already belongs to another. I’m not saying don’t appreciate the little things and expect diamonds every day… I’m saying do NOT lower your standards. The world’s standards are low enough as it is and there ARE wonderful ‘prince charming’ men out there. I know because I have one and I work hard to keep him too. You can’t treat him like a pauper and expect him to act like a prince. You have to be a princess to them if you want them to continue to act like prince charming. And them being and acting like one of those ‘rare men you never see today’ does NOT make them weak in any shape or form! It makes them strong enough to be gentle men. I love my gentleman.
Okay, Ms. “You-Have-To-Be-A-Princess.” Thanks for reminding us why everything counter-point to this article is completely wrong and showing how much you are being spoiled. No one is saying anyone should stay in an abusive relationship here and settle for someone who doesn’t take a moment out of their day to respect you. However, remember that God made everything in creation, including the devil, and even in the Garden of Eden there were no princesses: Eve tended the garden with Adam. She wasn’t fed fruit by him and the animals all day while she bounced around in glamorous outfits with unsurpassed grace.
Sounds like an ignorant feminist here. You know why the quality of woman has decreased? Because men accept less.
Or perhaps it’s because men are doing less. My husband doesn’t buy me jewelry, haven’t seen flowers in years and the words “I love you” are few and far between…but he holds my hand in the car or when walking, always remembers the kiss and hug when he leaves and comes home, he’s a good father, goes to work when he’d rather not, appreciates the lunches I pack for him and the hot meals he comes home to and prefers I stay home making a home for us despite the fact that our children are grown and out of the house. So I run a business from my home (for 20 years) and have the best of both worlds. In return, all of these little things he does motivates me to do all the little things I do. It’s a two way street. You say ‘feminist’ as if it’s a dirty word. It’s just a belief that women have the same economic, social, and political rights as men…and if you have a problem with that, then that explains your attitude about ‘men accepting less’. It’s not all about you.
stay on the topic
Mmh, dear Steph, may I point out that you missed the heart of this post and therefor disagree on something that this post is not talking about.
Excellent post. I like the contrast between how the media’s ‘perfect man’ and an actual man with work, bills, and stress. The story about the words in the snow is a sweet reminder to enjoy the little spontaneous love-moments as well as the rose petals or diamonds.
The comments about whether the ‘good man’ definition *must* include loving God seem to be beside the point. In that paragraph, the author asks a series of questions as examples of how to identify a good man. I could easily comment that this is a biased post because “I know plenty of good men without kids”. Or because, “I know plenty of men who do mow the lawn and fix cars but are horrible husbands”. Not all the questions have to apply, but they are valuable food for thought….
Loving God may not have much to do with being a person who does good things, but loving God had everything to do with being a good husband (or wife).
Marriage is a covenant, an essential a Biblical concept… so it has EVERYTHING to do with God!!
God, in His Word, illustrates how a man is to love his wife by describing how God loves the church. As simple as it sounds, it’s still true- God has given the blueprint for marriage and it’s our job to understand, embrace, and honor it.
I have plenty of friends who are “good people,” but I don’t want to marry them. When a man loves God, he leads and loves his wife and family in a way that honors God’s design and purpose for marriage. When God isn’t a part of a marriage, though love can exist therein, it’s essentially a business contract.
I agree that everyday romance isn’t a fairy tale but from time to time it’s nice to do a little more.
No, loving God does not have ‘everything’ to do with being a good husband. My husband is an atheist but he believes in the vows made to me when we married. He’s a good husband, good father and good human being…despite not believing in God.
Your perspective is just what so many women need. My husband is chronically ill with COPD. He can’t bring in much money, or do the yard work or house work that he wishes he could do. But he loves God, and he loves me. I feel so cherished and valued by the little things he says and does. That’s what makes for a good man! Our marriage is very, very happy – not because of the things he does (or more accurately, cannot do) for me, but because of our commitment to each other and to God.
Thank you for being so clear on this. You’re right on! We as women need to learn better how to feed ourselves rather than waiting for someone (a husband) to feed us. Marriage was never intended to fulfill ALL our needs. Only God can do that.
Dr.Carol your comment is very encouraging to me. I have been in a chronic pain from my car accident for many years now. And though I work and make money I do feel the pressure in me that I will never measure up to the standard of living a young woman today might expect. But right now God is meeting all my needs, and I pray I’ll be ready to trust God when I meet ‘her’ so we can trust him together to meet our needs. Thanks!
I’ve been married for 25 years to the most amazing woman on the planet. There are a lot of good points in this post, but one of the most important things that I can think of to add is “NEVER take each other for granted”. It’s ok to go out of your way sometimes to show that person how much you love them.
Laura @ Life with Lolo
I really appreciated this post as a girl in a long term relationship who still sometimes questions if he’s “the one” because I expect all these unrealistic things. I torture myself thinking he doesn’t love me because he doesn’t bring home flowers or plan dates or rub my back at night. I have the delusional mind set not only from movies but from the social media posts we always see – “I had a hard day and came home to a clean house and wine and chocolate. My hubby is the best!” Is that real life? Is that what I should expect from a man? Or just someone who can make me smile at the end of the day? Who knows how to really push my buttons because he thinks it’s cute when I’m angry? And respects me enough to tell me when I do something wrong and put me in my place? I think I need to do a better job at loving what I have. A good man. Not the perfect, mushy, over the top man I think he should be.
Thank you for REAL and honest comment. You are not alone! Lol I think its a little human nature that we try to live in a dream world and expect the real world to be the same! Lol but in the end if you acknowledge the thinking you are on the right path, right?
In my boring town I can’t even find a guy that wants to buy me a coke a cola
I just would like to have a gentleman, that cares about people, loves God, and does his best, You can tell when a guy cares, and tries in his own way, and that’s good enough in whatever way that maybe.
I’m thankful that I have a man who I can call my Husband. He is a father of our 2 sons. He will go out of his way just to make sure that our family is taken care of before his own needs. He is a provider..and He has hard working hands. He goes out of his way to help others in need. He is the love of my life. I thank God everyday for bringing us together.. my husband is the one you talk about who will always make sure my car is running properly and makes sure it is safe to drive. He is one of the good ones and I know he will always be my everything because he completes me..
At first I was a little offended by the “Does he love god?” part. But I realized that in YOUR life that is important (and by reading the comments, its important to others also). This is a wonderful article that needs to be shared because here’s the thing; there are many people in the world with different beliefs, there are good people and there are not so good people, REGARDLESS of their personal and religious beliefs. If you and yours believe in god and that makes you happy, more power to ya! I think the people that are getting hung up on that part of the article are losing sight of what the article is really saying. You are right! A lot of people get hung up on the fantasy of what love and marriage should be like. Life isn’t all rainbows and sunshine and you shouldn’t expect your partner to be either! When I’m PMSing and being unfair you better bet my man puts me in my place, as I do when he is PMSing (yes I believe men PMS too, but that’s a whole other article LOL). And you’re also right about not wanting someone who doesn’t speak their mind and question us. I have a hard working man that loves me and takes care of me and my children (from another marriage)… I could go on and on and on about the things he does for our family, but I won’t bore ya! And I appreciate it more than anyone will ever know! I try to make sure that I tell him and SHOW him how much he is appreciated. So again, this is a beautiful article with so many amazing points (with or without the “God” part) and I thank you for it.
Thank you so so very much for this blog. There are a load of blokes out there who will appreciate this being said by a woman, it’s a very frustrating place to be in when your sincere attempts to live and give love are rejected when they don’t measure up to unrealistic, frankly ridiculous fantasy novels and movies. Life is imperfect, men and women are imperfect but love, if not thrown away, can and will keep burning through whatever is thrown against it. Yet so many are throwing away the gold because they’re unimpressed with the wrapping paper.
Wilma Souza Cruz
There is a big difference between saying I love God and really loving Him. This is why we can find people professing something but with attitudes proofing contrary.
It’s possible honest people who called themselves atheist living closer what God teach than others just saying. Actions value much more than words.
This is why the Bible says not all call me Lord Lord will be save.
And in the Jesus’ time walking in the world, some man claimed Him Lord help me in my lack of faith. He has more faith than many others.
God knows exactly how you feel, and why you state that being a good man it’s possible without God. May be you have a heart how God wish, truly.
Excellent article! When I met my husband, I was very attracted to him, however, the dealmaker for me was his sincerity and love for God. I’ve also noticed that throughout the years (all 28 of them), we can each approach the other with gentle biblical reproofs, if necessary, and I love that (even though I may not appreciate it at the moment). This understanding we share has definitely made our marriage run more smoothly. That and his incredible generosity.
Re: this false idea of romanticism that is sold through romantic books, magazines and the movies, when I was younger, I fell for it as well. I think many of us do. Maturity has straightened me out. Sadly, I’m only sorry that it took so long. 😉 My daughter has a good friend from high school who is recently engaged. Her fiancé has always been the romantic type. He surprised her with a last-minute airplane ride … to Disney World where he proposed to her with a stunning engagement ring in Cinderella’s Castle with all of the Disney “princesses” in attendance. Since then, she has already chosen her gown and the venue … a castle! Seriously! They’re an adorable couple who are obviously in love yet I’m wondering if she will always expect the grand gesture and become less than happy if it doesn’t happen. Obviously, I don’t know although I do have hope that this couple will always be so happy.
Elena, I love your comment.
Carolyn Moss Murphy
WOW was I happy to hear what you said about the expectations some couples have after a spectacular wedding day. A year or however long is taken to plan a perfect day…The perfect gown, clothes, viel, ….. then at such a huge price! From there comes a honeymoon! So I have learned we have a generation of grandious weddings that leave the bride in a depression when life kicks back in! They have been a princess for so long and having to pay for whatever this cost… Marriage is a lot of work but such a love filled ride! A good sense of humor, a strong anchor in Our Heavenly Father & keeping HIM in the center of the marriage…that is what is so important. The wedding can be beautiful without costing so much. Are you inviting everyone you could think of…or your family & close friends… the people who are truly happy to see you & the newest member of the family wed. We did that and didn’t want gifts. We wanted them just to come & share our day. My daughter did the same thing. People will usually give something but know how you value them. I am so happy for your daughters friend is not blinded by the sparkles & plans a reasonable day, remember the dress is for 1 day, the vows are for LIFE…and the Marriage will need a lot of work but worth every minute, learning about the person in ways you never thought of & watching life grow & glow.
I really worry about the fact that has become ‘OK’ for men and women to think in the following terms; “I love my husband/wife because he/she does this, and this, and that”
For Christians, this is a very poor understanding of what love is.
True love seeks the best for the OTHER person, rather than being attracted to them because of what they give to (or do for) US.
A woman who visited her husband every day for many years, as the Alzheimers disease slowly took his mind away, was asked by one of the nurses why she still came, seeing as he no longer knew who she was.
Her reply says it all; “He may not know who I am, but I know who he is.
I know of a man who nursed his bedridden wife for over forty years.
That’s real love.
I am blessed I have a good one and I know it
Well put! As a single gal, I had to give up romance novels because I wasn’t the winner…the girl in the book was!
I got married at 35….he isn’t perfect…no…he is more than I could’ve/would’ve known to ask for! I am blessed each day with his love and his love for our two kids.
I love my Babe!
Thank you, Abba!
At 31 and waiting … this is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. Here’s to the good man I’m waiting for …
Wow! It’s interesting to read what everyone else thinks about this blog post. I agree that women expect more from men and they do not realize that life is not a fairy tale. I believe that relationships are 50/50…if he makes me breakfast in bed once…then I should do the same or something similar. Although, sometimes relationships are 70/30 or 30/70…sometimes you have to give a little more in the relationship but eventually it will even back out. A lot of women believe the men should do all these things for them but I often wonder what do you do for your man? You expect a back rub or a foot rub from him…but do you give him a back rub about a long day’s work? Do you rub his feet at the end of the week? I agree that movies and TV shows take away from that. I can’t recall a romance movie where the man was sitting on the couch and the woman walked over and offered to give him a foot rub. So, why do women expect men to do that for them? Because they’re women? If every one could just go into a relationship realizing that it’s 50/50 and knowing sometimes it may be 30/70 or 70/30 then there would be bigger number of happy people and relationships.
I must say I truly appreciate this article. It took me a long time to realize life is not like a chick flick no matter how much we want it to be. I found myself a good man. Where he is weak I’m strong and where I’m weak he is strong. And our kind of romance is different from most other people’s romance. He redid our entire bathroom while I was at work…or he does the laundry because he know I hate doing it.
Carolyn Moss Murphy
You put things SO well! I have a wonderful man, he may get my birthday a day late but would get up in winter, clean, heat up my car & on a day when he didn’t even have to get up!! (I had a relationship where 1 man LOST my car) Frank is so thoughtful. I would rather he miss Valentines day but then he surprises me with some flowers ‘just because’. He remembers what I order any place we eat. He cooks for me, he does not HAVE to do any of this. He doesn’t even realize how all these ‘little” things show me How Much HE LOVES ME. I am one lucky lady. I love Frank so much. I try to show him how happy he makes me…how I LOVE HIM <3 He is such a sweet thoughtful man & I am so blessed. He has me…till death… <3 <3
Bingo. I stooped down on a beach to roll up my gals pant legs so we could walk through the beach surf. A man walking past said, “now that’s love”. That statement just made her day. She passed away. The new gal likes to hunt, so I go help her butcher the animal, something that makes me a bit squeamish. But I go whole hog, right down to making sausage. Love is not fancy gifts and washed dishes, though those things have their place. Everyday common love is being with that person, doing things they like to do. We went fishing on my birthday because it was something that would make me happy, seeing her happy.
Beautiful! Thank you!
To everyone commenting on the part about God being mentioned and bashing the writer,… Read the rest of the article …This article was about as she says good men! What is wrong with you? Can you not appreciate what she was written? Please get over yourself … Just because a small part bothered you feel offended for absolutely no reason! Skip that part, omit it! I actually enjoyed the whole article! And when i scrolled down to see the comments i expected to see some such as “so true” or “i have a good man” and i find myself with completely out of place comments such as “what does God have to do with it,” ,,,”i’m an atheist and i don’t believe in God.” Seriously??? You didn’t even appreciate the article … Wether you believe in God or not, learn to be tolerant and accept others opinions and choice of words….
The article was amazing. I will not take for granted my loving fiance.
I don’t particularly like Christians. Preaching bigots. God loves us all. Except the gays. And anyone that has a different view of how the world works.
I have never harmed a human being. I have never broken the law I help anyone I can when I see they are in need. But by lost followers view I am a horrible person because I don’t believe what he\she believes.
No I was not created because of God. I was not created because my mother and father loved god. I was created by my mother And father solely because they had sex because loved each other and wanted to have a child that had the best qualities of both of them.
I am a good person. I am good too all men and women and children regardless of who they are, who the love. Or what they believe. THAT IS WHAT MAKES ME A GOOD PERSON. Not whether or not I believe the same as you. You don’t need a church or a bible or a religion of any kind to be a good person . Love all. Be kind to everyone. Don’t cause pain or grief to another just to make yourself happy. Simple as that.
No one needs to reply because I know your opinion and I disagree whole heartedly.
Well I’m going to reply and say good on ya! I grew up with no religion, “found” religion at the age of 19, devoted many years to a church that I later found out was duping me, left that church, tried out Christianity, and have come full circle to think much the way that you do. I’d like to believe there’s a God, I’m open to the idea, but that has NOTHING to do with being a kind, compassionate, caring person. I met my husband at church, he is a one of a kind GEM, a “good man” if there ever was one! We devoted ourselves to that church, but after many years left that church, together! We’re both in pretty much the same place now, we’ve had it with religion and all of the hypocrisy that goes with it. We know that if there is a God he loves us ALL! We live our lives serving each other, our family, our community, and those in need. If your Christian God doesn’t find that good enough then I don’t need any part of him.
Great article. Thank you for appreciating and recognizing a good man is the one that works hard all day comes home cooks dinner for his family and helps his kids do homework. Grand gestures are great and needed, but the true measure of a good man is made in the day to day grind that any parent and spouse go through. It’s easy to do a big thing once in awhile. True greatness is found in the trenches of everyday life.
Yes also just because he does some things and is good to you at times and good to his kids, doesn’t always mean he is good. I mean it kinda makes me feel like oh he did the dishes or he mowed the yard he’s a good man… He watched his kids or took them to the park… He’s a good man… Then he gets home and he calls you names and verbally abuses or physically abuses you but the next morning he’s got you a card that says sorry and flowers or cooked breakfast for you to eat in bed… Yet he did this good thing after so it must Jean he is a good man and you have to just deal with it. I think that is why people don’t get what the abused person goes thru and why it’s hidden so much especially in the religious community.
Pretty sad that most of you completely throw out all the article besides the “does he love God” part. If that is not something you believe in, then ignore it and move on.. That is what the writer of this article believes, so just scratch that out if it doesn’t apply to you. The only thing that ruined this article was most of the comments that I wish I would have not read..
Anyways, this was a great read and I can relate with it. I love my chick-flick movies but I realize sometimes there are things I watch that I wish my husband did but in reality he does way more than I could ever wish for and is a better husband and father than I could ever ask for. ❤
I always appreciate your real life approach. Unfortunately, it’s not just movies. I’ve read stuff like that from other bloggers. Thank you for always being honest about life.
I just want to let you know that this article was exactly what I needed to read today. I had this saved in my notes since 2015 and was having a hard day today feeling loved by my husband, but felt inspired to go through my phone. I was frustrated that he wasn’t loving me how I felt like I needed to be loved. However, as I read this and looked back on the last bit I was shocked with how many ways he’s showed me that he loves me through setting up our TV stand while I was gone, by holding me a little longer this morning, by FaceTiming me to just say goodnight when I was out of town, and so many little ways that I’ve overlooked due to the misconception that “bigger is better”. I totally agree that we have the messed up perspective about what a loving husband will do to show his love and if it isn’t exactly lined up with what we have in mind then he doesn’t actually love us and we need to get angry. I feel that we need to more openly talk about what love really feels like and recognize that it’s going to be shown differently by each person because we are loved in different ways. The adversary really is trying to tear families apart and make them be unhappy by putting perfectionistic thought in people’s heads. Long response but I just wanted to thank you for these words that I really needed today! Thank you a bunch!
Hannah, your comment made my day. Thank you!
Most of us would have loved that message in the snow! How sweet and thoughtful! That’s exactly the kind of thing I wish my husband would do. I don’t care about diamonds but would like an occasional show of affection or thoughtfulness. And it’s so sad to me to see those things being dismissed by others. Glad you were able to overcome that though.