Today I ran across an article from Relevant magazine called “Four Lies the Church Taught Me About Sex.” In it, Lily Dunn writes about how “the Church” fed her useless and bad information about sex which led to her disillusionment as a young married person. She claims that “the Church” told her a bunch of stuff about sex that is downright untrue, and apparently she had no other resource of sex education in her life, so “the Church” was her sole educator on the subject.
I guess my question is: who IS this “Church” she speaks of?
Have you noticed how often this term is thrown around in regard to people’s personal experiences with individuals in churches? People say, “the Church” when they mean one pastor or one Sunday school teacher or one lady who sat two rows behind them when they were a teenager.
I doubt that Lily was really disillusioned because of ongoing and consistent teachings from all areas of her church. She was disillusioned because a friend or parent never told her specific things that she would one day wish she had been told. I mean, who hasn’t been there? But, she, as we all often do, is claiming that her her disappointment is with Christianity’s teachings on sex, when actually her disappointment is probably with one or two youth leaders she had at the time.
It’s important to acknowledge that most negative reactions to Christianity are actually the result of negative experiences with one or two people. I don’t know many who would look at Christianity as a whole and say that it is worthless or bad or that it doesn’t bring light to the world. But, people don’t look at Christianity as a whole. They look at it one Christian at a time.
When someone says “the Church” is hateful, he is likely picturing one or two specific people he has known in his life.
When someone says “the Church” hurt her deeply, she isn’t talking about Christianity as a whole. She’s talking about a specific Christian or group of Christians.
It really isn’t fair that all of Christianity is lumped into just one or two imperfect examples, one or two teachers we had or people we once knew. But, it happens every day. It happened with Lily Dunn and a magazine printed a story about it, as if her experience really explains ways that the majority of Christian teachers conspired to lie to her about sex.
But, there is a lesson in it. Because to someone, I am “the Church.” To someone, you are. We should take that responsibility seriously. Because my attitude and my actions and my reactions truly affect the way someone in this world perceives Christianity and our God. This is why Jesus said that we are the light of the world. Are we shining in a way that brings glory to the One who spoke light into existence?
I pray that we are.
I absolutely agree. Bad experiences with specific people does not mean that the whole religion, or church, is bad.
I also thought I was a freak in my teens because I was thinking about sex and girls didn’t have problems with lust. I wasn’t told this but I came to the conclusion because my youth group would talk about guys being visual and we as girls needed to dress modestly and safeguard our brothers hearts.
I had people tell me that sex was going to be more awesome and frequent if I waited until marriage.
I saw her article yesterday. I have not come to usually expect much more from the neo-emergent world worshiping “RELEVANT” magazine. (another story)
Her piece, as are many there and other places, is designed to soothe a conscience that has ABANDONED anything vaguely approaching biblical morality.
Don’t expect it to get any better any time soon. Not at temples of Artemis like “RELEVANT”,
Melissa says: “I don’t know many who would look at Christianity as a whole and say that it is worthless or bad or that it doesn’t bring light to the world.”
Well if you’re ever interested in meeting an army of them, (many of whom would manhandle that pathetic kid in “God’s Not Dead”), just say the word. I’ll be happy to introduce you. These people make the folks who descended on this blog a while back look like Barney the Purple dinosaur. 😉
Melissa says: “I doubt that Lily was really disillusioned because of ongoing and consistent teachings from all areas of her church.”
I doubt if Lily could care less about the teachings of any historical church. There are multitudes of these apostates who call “legalism” on anything that smacks of actually biblical morality or holiness. “RELEVANT” magazine is one of their centers of operation.
Melissa quite rightly declares: “But, there is a lesson in it. Because to someone, I am “the Church.” To someone, you are. We should take that responsibility seriously. Because my attitude and my actions and my reactions truly affect the way someone in this world perceives Christianity and our God. This is why Jesus said that we are the light of the world. Are we shining in a way that brings glory to the One who spoke light into existence?”
AMEN!!! This is quite true, which is what makes outfits like “RELEVANT” … well… relevant. They are object lessons in how to arrogantly create another Jesus in your own image. This is directed at them Melissa. Not you. I have no idea why you go there. For me it’s recon work.
Thank you for this reminder! I’m thinking of someone right now and I know I am “the church” to that one person. What a serious responsibility!
Well said
Hi Melissa, I just became aware of this post today, otherwise I would have responded sooner. I just wanted to say that I appreciate your perspective here. I also wanted you to understand a couple of things – First, I don’t think my experience was universal. But I also don’t think it was uncommon. Secondly, I really struggled with the title of that piece. Perhaps I made the wrong call in the end, but I initially was going to use “my church” instead, but realized that wasn’t true. These messages weren’t taught to me by a single person, church, or denomination. They were messages I heard and had reinforced by my youth pastors (plural), church leaders, teachers at my Christian school, speakers at school chapel, speakers at large youth conferences, speakers at my college, other adults in my life, and even missionaries I met in other countries. It was much more widespread than a few individuals.
Ultimately though, I said, “The Church” because it is self-implicating. I don’t stand outside the church criticizing it. As you pointed out in your article, I AM the Church (part of it anyway). And I am partly responsible for the way the Church is witnessing to the world. I want to stand inside the Church and say how can WE change this? How can WE speak truth better than we have in the past? How can WE be courageous and fight shame?
I am thankful for the many whose experience was different from mine.I am thankful for the many churches that are teaching about sex faithfully and well. unfortunately, I was given a few hundred word to try to say ALL of this, and in my humanity, I failed to communicate everything I wanted to.
Thanks for reading my article and for your thoughts.
Hi, Lily! Thanks so much for your response! Unfortunately I know first-hand that although you can control what you write, you can’t control what people read. I’m sorry if what I wrote here was a mischaracterization of what you were saying. I really appreciate your thoughts in this comment. If it makes you feel any better, a whole lot more people read your article than will ever read mine! 🙂