Dear Mama at the Mall,
I saw you today, struggling with your stubborn little pigtailed two year old. I watched as you patiently waited for her to pretend to ride all of the little cars that want to swallow your quarters. You checked your watch a few times–you were probably already late. But, you smiled and you laughed along with her while she excitedly ran from car to car, watching you all the time to make sure you were sharing in the awesome experience.
I was standing nearby when she had finally jumped into each car twice, and you insisted that it was time to leave. She didn’t give in easily. In fact, she continued to move from car to car, and she was fast. You went after her, smiling at me in an apologetic way as you grabbed her between cars.
She kicked.
She screamed.
She had real tears.
Everyone looked your way as she continued to thrash around in your arms. I’m sure you felt the disapproving stares as the mall watched your two year old be two years old.
Yet, you never raised your voice. You never told her to shut up. You never mentioned that she was embarrassing you (and your red face told me she was). You were gentle, even as you physically carried her away. And, the further you got from the cars, the quieter she got, the less stiff. And a few steps later, she was hugging you in a familiar way, getting the comfort she needed from the very one who had taken away the thing that she wanted.
I watched the two of you disappear down the mall while two young women sitting on a bench nearby made comments about how they planned to raise their kids. They traded philosophies about better ways to do what you had just done, all in terms of “Someday, when I have kids…”
I smiled, imagining how quickly their self-assured theories would dissipate on the day they experience their first hair-raising tantrum from an ordinarily adorable toddler. And, I wondered how they could have watched you, sweet mama, and imagine that anything could be better than that gentle determination that said so clearly I love you and I expect you to obey.
Unfortunately, inexperienced gawkers are generally the most critical. But, one day, one day in the not so distant future, maybe they will remember this moment, and one mama lovingly struggling with a determined child, and maybe they will handle things as well as you did.
I want you to know that I saw it. And, I applaud you. You are doing a great job.
Sincerely,
A Slightly More Experienced Mama Who Still Needs Lots of Reassurance on Some Days
I love this! I know as moms, we have all been there. How nice for you to acknowledge this mom’s struggles and the way in which she handled it. There is nothing worse than enduring the judgmental stares and comments of others who think they could do it better.
Thanks so much, Amy!
Beautiful post! It reminds me of when mine were little and they throw tantrums because I didn’t give in to every whim. I would get nasty glares. Sometimes I would hear them say things like “just give the kid the toy already; wow she’s mean; if you can’t control your kid get out” I ignored them all. I went about my business with my screaming kid–desperately wanting to get out, but knowing that I can’t just yet. I too would hug and reassure them. eventually they would quiet down. I see young women today with the screaming kid and think “I’ve been there, it’s okay”
Thank you! I know, we have ALL been there!!
Such a beautiful post. Words all mum’s want and need to hear at times. The world hardest job can teach us so much, not least how to laugh at our own, long gone, ideals of ‘when I have kids..’. The solidarity we parents can offer each other with a look, nod or knowing smile is pricless. The fact you have written this, says a great deal about you. You’re doing great job too.x
Thank you for your kind words!
Reblogged this on Fighting BED and commented:
Sharing, because sometimes it’s good to remember; not all those watching you struggle with a stubborn toddler, are judging. Some are perhaps wondering if you need a hug. I know I do at times.x
I have been that mum having to leave the shops with a screaming little one.
I laughed about the younger women commenting on being a ‘perfect parent’. I think I was one of those a decade and a half ago, until I learned that there is no such thing.
I remember talking about what my child would and would not do–before I had any. Once you have one, all theories pretty much go out the window! 🙂
This made me cry. Sounds like me and Noah in the store yesterday when he saw the cookies.
Been there, Nicole!
Reblogged this on Did You Already Know This?? and commented:
I am re-blogging a post I just love today. Every mom can use this at some point, if not today. 🙂
Mothers need to hear more of this! What a wonderful post =)
Thanks so much!
This is so lovely, thank you for sharing! 🙂
Thanks so much for reading!
Love this. We all need reassurance now and then.
Thank you! Yes, we do!
Reblogged this on Dish with Mish and commented:
I loved this post so much, I just had to share. I think every mom can relate to this, at one time or another.
That was great! I had my son when I was 19 and there were many occasions when I wanted to breakdown in tears myself after such an event. Now he is 28, with a son of his own!
Congratulations, Lisa! You survived! 🙂 And now you get to enjoy a grandson. Thanks so much for reading and for this comment!
Aright on target. That was great. I’ve been reading a book called Parent get with Love and Logic…it’s superb and talks about handling moments like these. Mommy did well. KUDOS!
Parenting with Love & Logic