1. No child ever cried himself to death.
2. “Because I said so” is a wise and complete reason.
3. When Daylight Savings Time ends, we can put the kids to bed way earlier.
4. Bribery is a necessary and legitimate part of child-rearing.
5. A period of mourning is appropriate when our favorite Nick Jr. show is cancelled.
6. Fruit snacks are more important than cash money.
7. Tools needed for potty training: cool underwear, a TV set, M&Ms.
8. We sometimes go an entire day without looking in the mirror.
9. Sleep is a non-essential.
10. Birthday parties for other people’s children are a special form of adult torture.
11. Birthday parties for our own children are a highlight of our year.
12. Christmas is more fun as a mother than it was as a kid.
13. Time speeds up when a child is born.
14. Our kids are the brightest, coolest, most beautiful, and most talented.
15. The final answer to the question “Why?” is “Because that’s the way it is.”
16. We hope the tooth falls out on its own.
17. A wildflower presented in a chubby little hand really does make us happy.
18. Loud is a subjective term.
19. “I would never…” is no longer part of our vocabulary.
20. Kids are not annoying. Grown ups are annoying.