Your Mom Has A Blog

Be a Mama Who Prays

by 5 Comments

Imagine you are living in a kingdom where the king has ultimate control over your child’s life. He will decide who your child will be, where she will go, who she will associate with. And, because He is a good, kind, wise king, he allows you 24 hour access to his chamber, where you can come to tell him everything that you would like to see happen in your child’s life. You can ask for all kinds of crazy, unlikely, wild, and wonderful things for your child, and the king will listen to your requests.

Wouldn’t you run to his chamber a lot? Wouldn’t you practically be a fixture there, asking him to help your child, to guide her, to grow her, to keep her on the right path?

The truth is that this is the kingdom we live in. Only our king is also our loving Father, who adores our children more than we do. I wonder why we are so slow to come to Him on their behalf?

Why do we fret and worry and pace and cry and moan instead of running to the King’s chamber? Why do we scheme and try to figure out ways that we can fix our kids or ways that we can change their situation? Why do we endlessly wish for good things for our children, forgetting that we have free, unfettered access to the One who told us that if we ask according to his will, we will receive?

There’s a difference between wishing and praying. There’s a difference between crossing your fingers, hoping everything turns out and turning to the God of the Universe, praying that He will move. We can want plenty of good things for our children. We can long to see them rescued by God. We can be desperate to see them change and grow and know Him more. But, when we don’t take the time to earnestly pray about these things, we are wasting the precious privilege of crying out to God on behalf of our children.

Our children will face a lot of uncertainties in this life. They will be unsure of many things. But, when they are old and bent, looking back over a long, sometimes troubled, sometimes glorious life, may they be able to say with all certainty, One thing I always knew: my mama was praying for me.

We have no way of estimating what kind of eternal echoes that prayers for our children can create. How many Christian people have been carried through on the prayers of their dear mothers? Only God knows. Let’s be praying mamas, and one day when we are standing there in front of our King, we’ll feel right at home, having run to His chamber so many times before, and we’ll continue a long and sweet conversation with our good Father.

Peaceful Living in a Loud World

by 2 Comments

This morning we woke up to a rare, beautiful August rainstorm. Our room was unusually dark and the sounds of the shower on the roof were like a salve. Delicious was the first word that came to my mind, and I don’t know that I’ve ever been more comfortable, lying there in the grey morning with Chad’s arm wound tight around me, a gentle start to another day.

But, after a few minutes of booming thunder, Emerald began calling me from her room. I waited just a few minutes, hoping she would go back to sleep. But, as the thunder grew louder, her voice took on an edge of panic, and I quickly got up and tiptoed to her room.

She looked worried.

I held her close and after a few minutes we settled in on the couch with blankets and snacks and a movie about a mermaid to distract us from the continuous booming outside. I noticed she was getting closer and closer to me as we sat there together. Finally, she snuggled right up next to me and whispered, Mama, just don’t think about the thunder.

Somehow she felt that if she could just concentrate hard enough on what was right in front of her: a dry house, a warm blanket, a devoted mama, a sparkling mermaid, she could push down her fear of what was going on outside. Even though it sounded like her world was about to crash down on top of her, the reality was that she was completely safe, completely loved and protected, completely sheltered from the loud goings-on outside our door.

photo-1442213391790-7656f6e368b9

Pretty soon the storm passed by and I felt the brown west Texas earth heave a sigh. God sent a storm just when we needed it–with the thunder came the rain. Lots of it. And, it revived a thirsty land.

We are living in such strange times. I suppose every generation has felt that way. Each wave of humanity sees change after change, and as “progress” marches on, sometimes we feel like mankind is moving backward instead of forward. I have felt that way lately. This place is loud and it is scary. Now and then it makes me feel like the whole world is going to tumble down with a big crash.

But, then I remember.

I look at what’s right in front of me, and I concentrate on how perfectly loved, perfectly protected, perfectly sheltered that I am. The world may very well wreck itself one of these days, but when I am safely sheltered in the arms of my Savior, nothing that’s going on outside of that can touch me. Even if I don’t make it through another day on this loud, rumbling planet. Still, I am okay. I will always be okay.

Maybe God is sending a storm our way. Maybe we are hearing the distant thunder that will eventually turn into a raging tempest. But, whatever happens in our lifetime, we can always cling to this truth: if God sends a storm, it will be just when we need it. With the loud, scary cracks of thunder always comes His glorious, soaking rain.

And, I’ve never seen a world more in need of a little reviving.

When storms rage in our hearts and minds, when a crash of thunder just about brings us to our knees, let’s take a little piece of advice from a four year old. Just don’t think about the thunder.

He is as near as a warm mama on a cozy couch. Lean into Him and let the storm roll on by.

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.  He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” Mark 4:39-40

When You Feel a Little Bit Scared

by Leave a Comment

Tonight at church, we turned off all of the lights and decked the kids out in glow sticks of all kinds, and we danced and sang about Jesus. We talked about trusting God when you’re afraid.

I looked around the room and wondered how many of them felt a little bit scared in that moment, with lights out and with storms brewing in their homes while they were away. I wondered how many would go home to terrors we could never imagine, to crimes and cries and hurts of all sorts.

I called a boy to the front and handed him a microphone. He said the words I have been trying to imprint in their fragile little hearts since late last summer: Do not be afraid or terrified…

I could see little mouths on the front row, lit by neon, glowing necklaces, mouthing the words along with him.

The Lord Your God is with you…

I thought of Belgium. Of the dust and the blood and the destruction that filled the airport. I thought of faces smeared with grimaces of pain and grief as they limped their way out of unstable buildings, alive, while others lay inside, their last moment of this life already gone.

He will never leave you nor forsake you…

I thought of Jesus, praying in the garden, grieving already over what He knew was going to happen.

photo-1458658228259-8cc16c80774f

And, when the boy finished reciting the very words of life, God’s words, I gave him a high five and sent him back to his seat, a spot on an old gym floor in a dark room, where I really couldn’t even see him anymore.

The night went on, and through the wild, fun chaos, we told stories of God’s faithfulness. We told victory tales of how we had been afraid, but God had seen us through. For one girl, it was tornadoes. For another, it was a dark house at night. One boy had been worried about a history project. And, I wondered how many thousands of fears for the future that we could have collected in that room from teachers and students.

I wondered how many terrors were too awful to even speak of there, in the dark, neon dotted gym on a Wednesday night.

When the time was up, I sent the children home, knowing some would go home to peace and rest and others would go home to fears lived out in shadowy living rooms. I drove my own babies back to our peaceful, albeit messy, sweet parsonage, knowing that across the sea mothers are still waiting to hear if their babies are safe in the aftermath of the terror. I thought of the little boy who disappeared in the dark of the back of the room tonight, and I wondered how often he feels that invisible.

The words he spoke to us are still echoing in my mind tonight. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid. He is with you.

I picture Jesus, kneeling there, all trembling sweat in the garden, alone while His friends snored in the distance.  Yet not my will, but Yours be done, He prayed. And, and in this strange mixture of agony and peace, we see what it means to trust God. Even when the future He maps out is going to be difficult. Even when the hurt seems too deep. Even when the terror feels too real. Even to the point of death. Even when you are all alone and you feel as invisible as a little boy in a pitch black corner someplace. Yes, even then. He is with you.

Trust Him with your own life. Trust Him with all those you’re hurting for. He is close to the broken-hearted, to the agonizers and the peace-seekers.  And, He isn’t going anywhere.

When We Worry about Worrying

by 9 Comments

Tonight when I put Emerald in bed, she said, in a convincing tone, Mama, there’s nothing to worry about, is there?

This is how her bedtime questions about animals and monsters in her room have evolved.  Now instead of asking about the specifics, she just puts on a slightly false confidence and tries to remind herself that there’s no reason to be nervous.  That her room should be a worry-free zone.  Yet, each night she seems just a little bit concerned about being left in there all alone.  I feel like she’s really saying, I am worried about so many things right now, but you’ve told me I shouldn’t be worried, so I’ll try to act like I’m okay.

street

I totally get it, don’t you?  As Christians, we know that the Bible clearly tells us not to worry.  But, we look around at this scary world.  We look down at our precious children.  We look across the table at a struggling spouse.  We drive across town to care for aging parents.  It seems like there are so many things to fret over.  It’s so hard to tell ourselves, There are TONS of things to worry about, but I shouldn’t worry about those things because I’m a Christian.

Then we feel guilty when we do worry, even though we tried not to.

I just want to say this to all of us right now:  Whoa.  Breathe.

I don’t believe that worry is always about not trusting God enough.  I believe we can completely trust God to handle a situation or to just generally guide our lives, while still hoping that there are certain things we won’t have to endure. Jesus prayed in the garden before His crucifixion.  He wasn’t trying to usurp God’s control of the situation, but He was definitely not looking forward to enduring what He would soon face.

So, don’t worry about worrying.  Believe God’s promises, trust in His goodness, pray against what you fear, and know that if the worst of your fears comes true, God will somehow, someway bring you through it.  Cling to the One who already knows how your story turns out.

He is trustworthy.

The Truth is Still True

by 8 Comments

Originally posted July 2014.

Tonight this world is spinning along its usual path in a universe so gigantic that we can’t even really conceive of its magnificence. Earth is just one small dot on a grid of millions of heavenly bodies of different kinds. Yet, here we are, special creation, made in the image of God, bent under the weight of incredible sin, grieving over wars that are raging as I write, powerless to control what cannot be controlled. Worried. Terrified. Wondering how it all turns out okay in the end.

And, where is God?

We wonder what He is doing. We question whether He is good. The bad news just keeps coming. And it seems like there’s a hole in our faith bucket. We read the stories that seem to point to the end of the world as we know it, and we tremble inside. We wish that we could see what God’s ultimate plan is. We wish that we could understand what is really happening when it looks like everything is chaos and craziness.

truth

But, we don’t have to know every aspect of God’s plans or His will or His interesting way of accomplishing things.  We don’t even have to like what we see Him doing.  We don’t have to approve of His methods or be happy about every twist and turn that He has built into our road ahead.

But, even when we are heartbroken, when we are discouraged to the point of despair, when we are crippled by the fear of what is to come, when we are angry at God, when we feel abandoned, when we feel anxiety coming over us in waves, when we don’t even know who we are anymore, the Truth is still true.

Our feelings about the Truth don’t change it.  They don’t weaken its power.  They don’t deny us access to it.  The Truth is always completely real, even when we are feeling around in the pitch black of our own fear just trying to lay hold of one tiny corner of it.  It is there.

The Truth is that everything is going to be okay.

If we are in Christ and He is in us, if God has us held tight in His hand, nothing can snatch us out of it, not even our fear. So, in the light of Truth we can imagine our worst fears, things we are too afraid to even give words to, images and terrors that reside in our minds that seek us out as we lie in bed at night.  Fears borne in irrational thinking or fears based on what we have already experienced–it doesn’t matter.  We can imagine that our very worst fear comes true, and we can face it because we have the hope of Jesus Christ.

A friend revealed that she had a crippling fear that someone would break into her house and murder her family.  The Truth came back to her in the echos of Scripture she had memorized as a child:  The Lord is good and His word endures forever. . .Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don’t lean on your own understanding. . .Fear not, for I am with you. . .I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from my fears. . .If we are faithless, He remains faithful.  She agonized over this fear for quite some time before she finally embraced the Truth that even if her very worst fear came true, everything would still be okay.

Because God is in the business of making things right.  He is good and trustworthy, and His Truth remains, even when we are having a hard time remembering it.

Maybe you have already faced your worst fears.  Maybe you are angry with God.  Maybe you are so heartsick that you don’t believe you will ever recover.  And maybe you won’t, in this life.  But, God is working.  Please believe it.  His Truth stands, despite our circumstances.  We can trust Him.  And, at the end of it all, which is really only the beginning, everything really will be okay, if we know Him.  Rest in His hand, my sweet, tired friends.  He is good.

Loose Tooth Lessons

by Leave a Comment

Today Adelade and I got to go on a fun adventure.  Chad had an all-day meeting right near the Capitol in Austin, and she and I tagged along to spend some time touring the downtown area.  It was a rare opportunity for Adelade and I to get to spend some time together without the two younger kids, and we were so excited.

Early on in the trip I noticed that she was acting a little strange.  Her mouth was clamped shut.  She had slightly flushed cheeks.  She was unusually quiet and seemed worried about something.  I wondered if she wasn’t feeling well, but I didn’t say anything because I don’t like to encourage hypochondria in already dramatically-inclined children.  So, I chatted on as if she were acting normal, and prayed that she wasn’t getting sick.

We stopped to eat at her favorite restaurant, and I went on and on about how wonderful it was, eating in her favorite place where we never get to eat, and she kept nodding and smiling, obviously wanting me to feel like she was appreciating the greatness of this moment.  When her food arrived we started eating, and after about five bites, she suddenly sat up straight, clanged her fork down on the table, and blurted out, “I have a loose tooth!  It’s really loose!  I can’t even eat it’s so loose!”  And she finally smiled, for real, and I laughed because I realized that this was what her several hours of weirdness had really been about.

She had spent valuable little-kid-free time fretting over her loose tooth, knowing she should ask her daddy to pull it, but really just too afraid to ask because she hates getting teeth pulled.  But, never one to miss a tooth-pulling opportunity, Chad took her to some unknown area of the restaurant (my apologies, fellow diners) and he pulled her tooth.

She came back to the table all smiles.  She still didn’t eat her food, but her entire countenance changed once she had finally let her dad deal with her issue.

lady liberty

As we got back in the car and continued our trek to Austin, I thought about how often I go on and on worrying about something before I finally take it to God and let Him handle it.  I wonder how many otherwise amazingly awesome days I’ve wasted fretting over what God could take care of in five minutes.

Yep, Adelade comes by it honest.

She left her tooth under her pillow in the hotel room, but the Tooth Fairy couldn’t find us in Austin (ahem, the Tooth Fairy gets a little forgetful), so we’ll try again now that we’re back in our usual spot.

I had such a fun time with my growing-up girl.  She just keeps gaining inches.  She just keeps losing teeth.  She just keeps teaching me lessons.

When All You Can Do Is Trust God

by 6 Comments

map

Her eyes were already puffy and red, but the tears just kept streaming down her face.  I could tell that she was trying to contain the panic;  fear was so close to the surface, and the worry poured out her heart in tiny salty droplets on her eyelashes and freckled cheeks.

She begged me not to leave.

I held her and patted her back like I was beating a drum worn smooth.  The wet spot on my shirt grew as the tears continued to flow.  Trust God.  Trust God, I whispered to her soul and mine.  I could feel the slight nod of her head, buried in my side.  Little ostrich, hiding from the truth of the goodbye.

She made a magazine for me to read on the airplane.  It is filled with horse drawings and jokes and funny stories.  I stapled it together for her and held it to my chest in a gesture of enthusiasm.  She smiled, and then she cried.

And I held her close enough to feel the weight of her worry.

She is so much like me.  I know that weight.  We all have crosses.  Tonight hers was a goodbye in a doorway, light and life in our cozy home versus the dark unknown of a world where her mama ventured.

I hear that by the time she carried that weight to bed, she was smiling again.  I hope my words were ringing true in her heart as she laid her head on her very cozy, very familiar lady bug pillow:  Trust God.  Trust God.

ESPN and Ebola

by Leave a Comment

I tucked her tight into the top bunk, kissed her face, and turned to leave the room.  But, she propped herself up on one elbow and grabbed my hand.  She whispered the burning question to avoid waking her brother.

What is ebola?

I wasn’t surprised to hear these words or see the worried expression on her sweet face.  She misses nothing.  And, she considers everything.

I reassured her as parents do, kissed her cheeks, whispered I-love-yous and left her there, my natural-born worrier, safe under a Minnie Mouse comforter on a warm October evening.

It turns out that Adelade already knew some things about ebola.  She knew that it is a terrible illness.  She knew that there is a confirmed case in Dallas.  And, she knew about this mascot, which she had seen a glimpse of while her daddy watched ESPN:

Towels_Carry_Ebola

This is the Jacksonville Jaguars mascot, attempting to make fun of the Pittsburgh Steelers’ fans “terrible towels” that they swing around at games.  Some people who saw this were probably entertained.  Others were offended.  But, I know at least one nine year old girl who saw this and took it to heart:  towels carry ebola.  She asked me if this is true.  I could see her little mind trying to make sense of this sign, and the only conclusion that she could come to, with her limited information, was that towels carry ebola.  And, she wanted to know which towels, where.

Adelade was missing some vital information about this picture, and without it she could only go by what she was seeing with her own two eyes.  And, according to her calculations, nothing good could come of a statement like “towels carry ebola.”  The world is such a confusing place for kids.

And, the truth is that it’s not that much better for adults.  Many of the reassurances I offer my children are delivered through a fog of my own worries and uneasiness about the unknown of it all. But, tonight I was reminded of an important truth about God and His plans.   We human beings live our lives with limited knowledge.  We see things happening, and based on what we know and can understand, it’s difficult to see how anything good could come out of these things in the end.  We lie in bed at night and wring our hands and wonder how it all turns out and why things don’t make sense.

But, the truth is that we are just like nine year olds who see a glimpse of truth here and a glimpse there and a lie here and a joke there, and we take all of this very limited life knowledge and we try to fit God into it, as if He operates only according to what our minds can know.  God sees every single piece of the infinite puzzle.  And, we see fourteen pieces and we doubt and worry like a nervous little girl in her Mickey Mouse bed.

We may not understand many of the things that happen in our world.  We may face tragedy and sadness and loneliness and heartache.  But, we know that God is absolute truth.  He is good.  He is sovereign.  And, He has His mighty hand on every little aspect of this world, of our lives.  So, when we’re tempted to fret and fear over the few pieces of life that we can see, let’s remember that God sees everything else.  Not only does He see it, He is God of it.  And, we can trust that He is working everything out, even the things we don’t know about, for good.

That’s why, even when I am feeling a little shaky, too, I can reassure my kids that no matter what happens God is near, and He is firmly in control.  We can trust Him.

In case you’re wondering, the Jacksonville Jaguars organization did have to issue an apology for making light of the ebola scare.  Maybe I should write them and tell them they owe one more apology, to a precious freckle-faced nine year old. I’m so glad I can tell her, when the worry sets in, that God is good.  Because He is.

In His Hands

by 17 Comments

Tonight while I was brushing the kids’ teeth, Chad came into the bathroom with his ukulele, and before long we were in full blown sing-along mode.  At one point, Chad was standing in the middle of the bathroom, singing at the top of his lungs, and all three kids were sitting at his feet as if he were the new Elvis of the elementary school set.   Then he busted out an oldie but a goodie:  “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands.”

We sang together, enjoying the last few moments of the day, and the final memories of spring break were made during this verse:

He’s got the little bitty babies in His hands, He’s got the whole world in His hands.

We herded the kids out of the bathroom and off to bed, and I put on my comfy pants and sat down on this couch.  The verse we had just sung was hanging in the air around me like a whisper.  I sang it absentmindedly while I picked up dirty socks and put green shirts in the wash to ensure that no pinching befalls my people on Saint Patrick’s Day.  I sang, and I thought about the Malaysian airplane that has vanished without a trace.  He’s got you and me, brother, in His hands. . .

I sang, and I remembered the moment when the doctor told me that my pregnancy was over.  He’s got the wind and the rain in His hands. . .

I sang, and I thought about how often I try to control what’s happening around me.  He’s got the whole world in His hands. . .

It’s a silly kids’ song.  But, it does ring with truth.  The Bible tells us that not even a little bird will fall from the sky without God’s involvement.  It tells us that we make lots of plans, but the Lord determines which way we go.  It tells us that He knows exactly how many hairs are on each and every head.  The Bible makes it clear that He is more than a distant God who spun the universe into being and then sat back to watch what would happen next.  He is ever present, and He is firmly in control.

Yes, as a matter of fact, He really does have this whole crazy messed up world in His hands.  And He knows exactly what He is doing.

So, when we are worried, when we can’t see how an airplane could disappear, when we get bad news, when we just feel lost, we can know that God has the little bitty babies, even the little bitty birds, in His hands, and He is carrying us, too.

So, keep singing.  Keeping remembering.  We are never forgotten.  We are held tight in the loving hands of a God who doesn’t let go, who doesn’t make mistakes, and who isn’t worried even a little bit.

My kids went to bed singing about that truth tonight.  And, I pray when we all wake up tomorrow, whatever the day may hold, that we will be able to sing with assurance that He has the whole world in His hands, and He isn’t letting go anytime soon.

Sing on, my friends.  Ukulele optional.

Everything

by 1 Comment

Have you ever felt absolutely swallowed up, surrounded, suffocated, and strangled by fear? Have you laid awake at night, tossed and turned, stared at a ceiling that holds no answers, prayed until you don’t know what else to say? Have you cried about the things you worry may happen? Have you been paralyzed by terror?

Even Christians can be fearful. Even when we know that the Keeper of the Universe is in charge of things and is our Father and Friend, we worry. Maybe this is because, although we know that He is in control, we are still concerned about what He may choose to do with our lives. After all, we have seen people more godly than we are who are dealing with cancers, accidents, crime, and a host of other scary situations. We know that, yes, bad things can happen to good people. And, even when we can truly believe in our souls that whatever happens will glorify Him, we still naturally don’t wish to endure the hardships that we so fear.

I have always been exceptionally gifted in imagining the worst. I love a good imagination, but mine sometimes works overtime creating any manner of terrifying scenarios that my kids, my husband, or I may face. I can come up with some of the most wacky, off-the-wall, totally irrational fears. In fact, I am so good at imagining these things that when I was in the sixth grade I began to have panic attacks.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had a panic attack, but it is one of the most awful feelings I have ever experienced. You feel like you’re going to die. Heart pounding, throat closing, everything is spinning, and you feel completely out of control. I haven’t had a panic attack in over 20 years, and I still vividly remember what it feels like. I learned at that tender age that I was going to have to be utterly dependent on the God I had trusted to save my soul several years before. I learned how to breathe. How to allow the Holy Spirit to minister to me in those horrifying moments. I figured out that God is there. I remembered that I can trust Him.

And every day since then my life has been a continual exercise in remembering that.

Now when I am afraid of losing the ones who are everything to me, I am reminded that there is only one Everything. And, when I think about how I wouldn’t survive if this happened or if that happened, I am gently led by the Holy Spirit to understand that if the worst happens, I still have Everything. In fact, Everything never changes. He is the Great I Am, the One who Was and Is and Is To Come. And, Everything never leaves. He never stops caring. He never leaves me with nothing, even if He takes all that I know. He gives, He takes away, and He remains.

I’ve heard it said that fear is faith in the enemy. I don’t know if I really believe that’s true. Maybe those of us who are especially fearful were created with extra tenderness. Maybe he made us tender and soft and easily broken because in our weakness, in our fearful state, we are constantly learning to trust Him. To believe Him. To acknowledge Him as Everything. And when we can make it through, when we can conquer and we can be tough and we can overcome our fears, we bring Him glory. Because it is so obvious that it isn’t easy for us. But, God can do so much with tender hearts, imaginations that run wild, and utter dependence. Before long, fear gives way to a deeper faith.

Peace to your hearts, my fellow fearers. God sees. He loves. He is working on us.

%d bloggers like this: