Heaven knows that I always wanted a little boy. I dreamed of raising a son, a sweet, rambunctious soul who would grow to tower over me. I imagined so many things about being a boy mom, and in all of those dreamy days when Sawyer was just a squirmy smiling baby, I never once dreamed about the day I would sit down for the first of many talks with him about sex. Yet, the day came. And the talks continue. And the deeper I got into discussing some very serious subjects with him, the more I realized how crucial it is that he hears about these things not just from his daddy, but from his own mama. In his ten years of living I haven’t refrained from teaching him anything I think of that seems worthwhile. So, why would I shrink from teaching him some of the most important things about being a godly man?
He needs to hear a woman explain why sex matters. Why pornography is so destructive. He needs to hear his mother describe how real men treat women, and he needs to have it spelled out: what does respect for girls and women look like when you are a fifth grader? He needs to know that it is only a matter of time until a friend flashes a pornographic video in front of his face on a smartphone, and he needs to know exactly what to do when it happens. My son needs to see that the woman who taught him everything from clapping his hands to long division is going to be mom enough to teach him the hard stuff, too. To address what the world will try to plague him with in no time at all. To describe to him in detail how the world’s way is so dramatically different from God’s way, and to commit to being his place to run when temptations overwhelm him.
Don’t believe for one minute that you aren’t a spiritual guide for your son in all areas. Your boy needs to hear your heart and your experience and your perspective in matters of romance, sex, marriage, dating, and sexual sin. He is looking to you to teach him so much more than how to use a napkin at the dinner table. Sex education and spiritual instruction are inseparable, and while dads certainly need to be teaching their sons about being men, our boys must hear from their mothers, too.
If you have young boys, start young. You will be amazed by how much they will open up to you. If you have older boys, start now. Dive into some topics that make you feel a little shaky inside. Ask questions and talk, even if they don’t seem to want to hear it. Teach them about the experience of being a woman in love. Talk to them about how it feels to be overpowered by a man. Give them a clear understanding of how their sexual decisions have real consequences, and help them see how sex is spiritual and emotional and so much more than a physical act.
Give your boys the gift of the female perspective. Teach them how to grow into strong, godly men of deep faith and astounding character. Men who can be counted on. Men who value and respect women. Men who love the Lord with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength, even in a world that will try to make them calloused and uncaring and selfish. Start now trying to instill gentleness and empathy and godly knowledge.
You are the one, mama. Boys need so much more than the birds and the bees, and you understand things that your sons need to know. Boys need their dads and boys need their moms, and the area of Christ-centered sex education is no exception. “The sex talk” is a thing of the past. This job isn’t a one-time deal. Start the conversation now and keep it going, and whatever you do, moms, don’t let some other woman be the one to teach your son about these things, least of all a sixteen year old girl in the backseat of a car. You have him now. Keep showing him the way and pray for him without ceasing, knowing that this world will do its best to ravage your son through sexual sin.
He won’t be perfect. He will fail. He will struggle. But, you can start right now, laying a foundation of a right understanding of God’s mercy and grace, of moving on after sin, and of the power to resist temptation through the Holy Spirit.
I dreamed of having a boy. Now I have him, and I don’t want to waste any opportunity to train him up in the way he should go, especially when it comes to sex, love, and relationships. Plenty of voices out there will shout their “truth”–how can his own mother afford to be silent?
Thank you for writing this! There is SO little addressed to moms on this subject and I feel like I need a bit of courage to take on the job. I’ve long ago committed to being the adult in the parent child relationship and not expecting my sons to be brave or cognizant enough to bring up the things I know they have questions about. Somewhere long ago, a writer pointed out (perhaps you??) that Paul wrote to the Corinthian church about true love in a culture where the moms literally had to walk with their children past pornography on the local temples to get groceries. You bet they talked to their kids at an early age about sex. You bet they didn’t ‘just wait for them to ask’! We can’t stick our heads in the sand – souls are at stake and the world isn’t going to get less aggressive. God give us wisdom…..
Thank you so much for this piece of writing!
Thank you, Sherri!
Yes. This is so good.
Wow. As always, you hit it on the head. I raised two boys and fought the culture we live in to bring them up with respect for themselves, for women, for their God. So thankful for your posts!!
Thank you, Linda!
This was excellent, especially since I just passed my son off to his wife 2 months ago. I love your blog. I really enjoyed motherhood. I hope all you ladies will, too. The days are long. The years are short. Persevere!!
Thank you, Kellene!
This is so beautifully and thoughtfully written. Thanking God for your insightful perspective and guidance for moms.
Thanks so much, Linda!