I recently ran across an article written by a woman who claimed that she would love it if her husband would just go have sex with another woman. She said that it would free them up to be best friends and raise their kids together without the pressure to have sex when she’s not in the mood. Among all of the terribly unwise and disturbing thinking in her article, this overarching theme came through loud and clear: she has little to no understanding of her husband’s feelings when it comes to sex.
I honestly wish that I could shout this from the rooftops to all of the women who think that sex is all their husbands care about: your husband doesn’t just want to have sex–he wants to have sex with you.
Imagine you had been thinking about your husband all day, about what a kind person he is, what a great dad, what a hard worker. Imagine you were just overcome with feelings of love for him, so as soon as he walked into the door after work, you immediately approached him and said, “I am so in love with you. I love you with all of my heart. You are so special to me. Thank you so much for being my husband.” Now imagine that he said, “Don’t start with all that again. I’m tired. I don’t feel like telling you I love you. I just want to go to bed. All you ever want is to hear me say I love you. I mean, what is even wrong with you?”
How loved would you feel in that moment?
But, dear wives and mamas, we do this so often to our husbands. We tell ourselves that it’s SEX he wants, and not US. We say no. Over and over again. And we let insecurities about our bodies and millions of other distractions rob us of the chance to experience marital intimacy.
You have a unique opportunity to express love to your husband in a way that no one else in his life can. Don’t play hard to get. Having sex with your husband is one extremely important way to show him that he has priority in your life. He wants you. He loves your body and your brain and your spirit. He doesn’t want to have mindless, heartless sex with a stranger. He doesn’t just want to have sex with you because you’re a female and you’re there. He wants to have sex with you because you are his and he is yours. If your husband never leaves you alone and is always trying to get you in bed, thank the Lord above, and have fun with it.
It’s you he wants. All of you. It’s just one (essential) way to show your husband how much you love him. And, whatever you do, don’t underestimate the power of sex to help you feel wanted and needed and loved by your husband. Sex is for both of you.
Don’t take it for granted.