There aren’t that many things in this life that I believe we are called to demand of others. But, this thing, girls, this demand that I am laying before you today, is a big one. It is a demand that goes against everything society is telling you to do. It’s one that will make you seem alternative and will make you feel redeemed and will help you see yourself as God sees you.
Demand that boys respect your body and your soul.
Because here is a deep down truth that I want you to understand. When they disrespect your body, they are disrespecting your soul. When they protect your body, your precious, God-breathed, flesh and bone, they are loving your soul.
I’m not sure how it came to be that girls decided that they weren’t going to demand this respect from the boys in their life. I’m not sure why, when boys started asking for pictures that girls started sending them. I’m not sure why girls moved from being insulted by sexual advances from people they hardly knew to being flattered by them. Have we failed you so badly, sweet girls, that you truly believe that you are worth nothing more than a one-night stand? That you are only useful when you are naked? That you are liberated by meaningless sex when we can all see that you are so entangled and enslaved by it?
No. God made you for so much more.
Let me tell you about the man that you should look for in this life. Look for a man who is interested in your well being above all else. Look for a man who treasures the gift of your sexuality–I’m not talking about treasuring naked pictures of you or treasuring an unfeeling sex act carried out in shameful secret. Look for a man who adores your sexual gifts so much that he protects them. Look for the man who recognizes how precious you are, body and soul, and who shows you by revering sex as something that should only happen within the safe confines of a loving marriage. And, when you are looking for this man, your dating life should be nothing but demands.
Start now.
In case no one has ever told you, you should be infuriated, incensed, disgusted, and hurt when a boy you hardly know tries to coerce you to have sex. Trust me, dear ones, if you are anything less, then you have far too low a view of yourself.
Sex is fun. It’s beautiful and good. But, don’t make the mistake of being flippant about sex or your body. Don’t settle for being just another member of an uncaring boy’s harem. Look for a man who prizes you and your body, who knows that you are lovingly created in God’s image, and that your body is a gift that belongs to your husband alone. It’s never too late to demand the respect your body and soul deserve. Today is the day. Make some demands, and know your worth.
Amen! As a Dad of 4 daughters, I also add with tears…please please dress like you demand this respect. It is difficult for a man to respect your sexual standards when he can see more skin than cloth. Fashions of the day are not worth your sexual purity. Thanks
I believe this post was written with good intentions, but I cannot shake the feeling that the inherent message in the post is that Christian young ladies have nothing of value to offer besides their pure, virginal, untouched bodies to men. Women have so much more to offer the world. Where is this same message for our young men? I think they could benefit from the message as well. Purity is for all and one-sided messages like the one I just read show a patriarchal bent that frankly is more the beliefs of men than that of the God that I worship.
Busi
This is a message our young women desperately need. Young men also need to be taught to respect women and stop seeing them as sexual objects. Even though many girls send the message that they see their sexuality as being tied to their worth, young men should refuse to accept this message.
The fact is – men don’t experience the same measure of sexual objectification as women. And women have the power to stop their own objectification by demanding respect. But until they understand that their value is not in their sexuality, they will continue to invite their objectification.
Thanks from another one of us whose convictions have been marginalized onto the heap of the ‘patriarchal bent’. Your message is sound…keep it up. Much has been written to young men too.
Busi,
I think you are absolutely right. Purity is required for both women and men alike. As believers, we all are held accountable for keeping our minds, our hearts, and our actions pure. Why? Because, when even one of these is out of balance, our worsip is hindered and we misrepresent the Gospel.
I would like to encourage you to take time to read Melissa’s other blog posts. I think you will see her heart and the fact that she has a well-rounded view of acceptable, God-honoring living for all of those that journey this walk of faith. I know Melissa personally and can say with great certainty that she has a very balanced view of the roles both men and women play when it comes to desiring purity for themselves and others. I trust that the Lord laid on her heart a burden for the girls today. This was not in any way intended to give boys/men a pass.
I am raising two boys. I’m diligently trying to teach them to desire purity, to practice purity and to desire it for the girls they will later seek to marry. I’m praying that they all (my sons and their wives) will be worshippers of the One true God, that they will allow their faith to color every decision that they make and that they walk humbly with a community of believers that will love them, encourage them, spur them on to greater growth.
I pray that you have sweet fellowship with a body of believers who are encouraging you as well on your own personal walk of purity…heart, mind and soul.
Blessings,
Corrie
Busi,
I don’t think the author was trying to say “your purity is your value.” Rather, she was arguing that girls and young women demand respect from the boys and young men around them. Even if you have sinned sexually in the past, that does not mean that you do not deserve that respect in the present.
I thought this article was well written and had some great points until the sentence…”your body is a gift that belongs to your husband alone…” actually I, my body and soul belong to the Lord creator God who made me and has a plan for me and a purpose for me. My purpose is not to “belong” as a possession to someone else. That is not biblical, that is your opinion.
Hi, Dev! Thanks so much for reading and for your comment. I just wanted to remind you of this scripture: “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:4
The Bible is very clear in its statement. God, then husband and then wife. Man is commanded to love his wife and the wife to submit. Man has to leave his father and mother an d cleave to his wife. The girl has to forget her family. These are all in the Bible. Both men and women have not followed this order correctly therefore we have the problems. In today’s world it is difficult for women to accept this teaching of the Bible.
I believe you are right when you say that a woman can do many more things than be someone’s wife etc. But girls more than boys are vulnerable
I have always said that girls are the gatekeepers…if they respect themselves enough to hold boys to a higher standard of behavior and conduct, then the result will be men who respect and treat woman well. This was modeled and taught by my father in how he treated my mother, but more so in what my mother required of us boys.
I don’t disagree, but I notice that your stated audience and actual audience don’t match. You say you’re wanting to speak to girls who are tempted by the cultural pressure to give it up, but this is written to speak most clearly to people who already agree with you.
Case in point: Much of the culture is telling girls to “demand respect”. The problem is that “respect” is being defined very differently in both situations.
There are those who argue that, when a man is appreciating the sex appeal of a woman’s body, he is respecting what God gave her. And that the entire “whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her” thing actually uses the verb “to covet” and therefore doesn’t apply to non-possessive appreciation. These are arguments that your stated target audience has been hearing, which are not addressed by argument nor Scripture in your post.
You do define what you mean by “treasures the gift of your sexuality”, so that’s good. But you also say “you should be infuriated, incensed, disgusted, and hurt when a boy you hardly know tries to coerce you to have sex”—which is saying that the fury and disgust and all should only apply when the coercion is applied by a boy the girl “hardly knows” and doesn’t address when it’s someone the girl does know and trust. There are other places that would’ve benefited from further transitions, too, to strengthen and clarify your point.
But I’m more sensitive to this kind of thing than many, from my work as a writer and editor, so put as much stock in my words as you like. 🙂
May you have a great weekend!
Dear Melissa,
I’m a 16 year old girl who has s and is experiencing this very situation and I’m not sure if I’m doing it the right way. I was troubled with it last year and I thought I could prove my worth to other guys, but I didn’t do it the right way. It was an awful choice that I don’t want o make again… But I’m experiencing the same thing again, and I feel like I’m falling back in reverse. I’m trying to prove to them that I’m not about sexual intentions or changing myself for their benefits. I want them onsee who I really am on the inside, my true identity. I want to be valued in positive ways, not negative. What do I do?
From, Faith
Faith, thank you so much for commenting here! I’m so glad that you realize that your worth is about so much more than sex. I want to encourage you that there are more girls (and boys) than you realize who share your desire to really be known and not just objectified (or seen as a piece of meat). The best thing is to make it clear that you don’t date boys who ask for pictures or sex. Make it known that you date boys who are kind, respectful, and sweet. And, if there don’t seem to be any boys like that in your school, then don’t date. You have plenty of years ahead of you to find the wonderful, godly guys out there (and there are more than you think) who will cherish you for who you are and not for what you can do for them. Hang in there, Faith! Remember that you don’t need a boyfriend or dating to be happy and have a rally fun, fulfilling high school experience. Life is long, so hold out for the kind of boy that you know will help protect your desire to be more than a sexual conquest. Bless you, sweet girl!
Lovely.
Beatiful
Nice
Thank you so much for this! I just read it on For Every Mom. It made me cry… I so wish I could have read this – and deeply known these things to be true – as a teenage girl. I am praying that I can instill this in my five-year-old daughter so she does not have to go through the emotional and spiritual devastation of promiscuity like I did. I’m bummed that some commenters are splitting hairs with this post. It is a VERY important, countercultural message!
NICE POST