This weekend I ran across a list that suggested fifty things to do before your next birthday. I saw the title and laughed.
I laughed because, as a mother of small children, I knew that I probably wouldn’t do any of this list of fifty things in the next year. The list included things like having a picnic in the mountains AND at the beach, doing something extreme (like skydiving), growing your own food, and seeing a Broadway show. None of these things is likely to happen this year.
But, I could think of at least fifty things that a mother of small children generally needs to do within the next twenty minutes. Eat your heart out, you skydiving, Broadway-loving, mountain picnickers!
1. Investigate the odor that seems to be following your child.
2. Distribute snacks.
3. Clean up spilled snacks.
4. Redistribute snacks.
5. Put the TV on Disney.
6. Kiss a boo boo.
7. Fish an object out of the toilet.
8. Sing the ABCs.
9. Feed a dog/cat/mouse/fish/hamster/hermit crab.
10. Search for an escaped hamster.
11. Rewash the load of laundry that you forgot was in the washer.
12. Hold a child on one hip, sometimes a child on each hip.
13. Sing “Let It Go.”
14. Listen to an original knock knock joke.
15. Make lists.
16. Make convincing arguments for using the potty.
17. Bribe a child.
18. Take a picture of a child doing something cute.
19. Remove a Cheerio from a nostril.
20. Try to get kids to share a toy.
21. Text your mother or a friend and ask her if something your child is doing is normal.
22. Take away a toy that kids won’t share.
23. Consider what’s for dinner.
24. Thank God for dishwashers.
25. Respond to a text from a friend asking if something her child is doing is normal.
26. Wipe a rear end.
27. Give a speech about the importance of eating something other than candy.
28. Investigate more strange odors.
29. Wipe a nose.
30. Watch the trick when someone says, “Watch this, mama!”
31. Comfort the child who got kicked in the head during the trick.
32. Change a diaper.
33. Add up in your head how much money you’ve spent on diapers over the years.
34. Field a question about what happens when we die.
35. Hand out juice boxes.
36. Brush your teeth.
37. Wonder where Max and Ruby‘s parents are.
38. Search for a lost blankey/paci/lovey.
39. Struggle to figure out how to put a Lego something together.
40. Attempt to explain to a toddler why she can’t be a dog.
41. Allow Play-doh.
42. Consider dusting something.
43. Google “how to get permanent marker off skin.”
44. Tickle children.
45. Regret allowing Play-doh.
46. Wish for a cleaning fairy.
47. Assure a child that everyone spills sometimes.
48. Answer questions about the life cycle of butterflies.
49. Say odd things like, “Stop hitting your sister with that waffle.”
50. Find some caffeine, because it’s not even 7am yet.
Aw c’mon Melissa, you missed healing the sick and walking on water.
I can see how most mothers do this even though I’m a father.Just so you all know,you are all appreciated very much I’m sure.I know my eyes have been closed for a long time but with GODs help and yours I’ll think of a lot more that need my attention.
Stewart, the mama of your children is going to love that. 🙂 Thanks for reading and for your comment!
What a fun list! We have passed the diaper era (Hooray!), there are still strange odors, and I’ve always wondered why Max and Ruby were alone, too. And how is it that Ruby is so responsible? Must be fiction!
I know, Laura! Ruby deserves some kind of award! 🙂
This was a great read…thanks for the smiles 🙂 But I have to confess, I’ve never watched Max & Ruby with the kids…and my son sings Let It Go to me lots and I usually join in 🙂 Have a great day!
Trust me, JennG, you haven’t missed much! 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
Reblogged this on Blog Maman dans le vent and commented:
Je sais c’est en anglais mais c’est drôle. On se croirait dans un sitcom. Thnaks melissa for this typical day in 20 minutes. That’s we love children;-)
This was so funny. And soooo true!
🙂 Thanks, Christy!
I absolutely love this. I especially love the knock knock joke and the nose cheerios. And, you manage to brush your teeth by 7 am? You rock!
Ha!! Thanks, cruthirds777!
Right on sister! And the greatest part is we get to do that EVERY single day….oh Lord give strength!!!!!
Max and Ruby . . . nearly as bad as Caillou, but not quite. 🙂
Angie, I refuse to watch Caillou. I think he needs some discipline in his life. 🙂
Funny, especially #50…so true! Mine would include reading a Dr. Seuss book for the nth time…..
Yes, same here! 🙂
that’s hilarious. I understand that it is a daily routine and mothers do actually go through it. I add a star! Like like like 🙂
Your list made me laugh very much indeed! It reminded me sooOOoo much of my life a bunch of years ago when my daughter was little… now she is not-so-little (teenager) I have a list still, but boy … I kid you not, the subject are quite different, but I could still get to 50 without any problem at all!
Ha! Thanks, Jay!