Well, we’re back! This week we talk about our vacation, Teen Vogue, a kidney transplant, sleeping in church, and more!
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Where are you?
When a culture of brutality and abuse and sexual torture against women is being built around an empire called pornography? Where are you when teen magazines encourage young girls to let their porn-influenced boyfriends sodomize them? When sexual experts tell girls that when it doesn’t bring excruciating pain or humiliation or injury that it “can feel delightful”? Where are you, my sisters in this flesh that God designed, you strong women, you with the loud voices and the brilliant arguments, you who could quickly whither any defense of the grotesque world that pornography is building, completely wither it and blow it away as if it is nothing but a piece of dust?
Our girls need you.
They need to hear you rise up and rage against music that glorifies violent sex, that music that is pouring out of the radio this very minute, that our boys are learning by heart, that our girls are taking to heart: This is what love looks like.
Our boys need to see you, beautiful and bellowing in the streets, shouting until you have no voice left, declaring, not gently, that pornography is a sin against humanity. They need to see you at every turn, confirming with your constant striving and your passionate pleas all of the things that we, their mothers, tell them about the broken-souled way that the pornography culture will eat into their flesh and steal their hearts right from under their noses. And it will devour them and it will change them and it will hurt them. They need to hear it from you, dear warriors. They need to feel the power in your numbers, the solidarity in your spirits, the cries of your battle-scarred hearts.
Our girls need to see you unfurl your fury on an industry that tells them they exist only to please men. That their pleasure is secondary to their willingness to do anything that is asked of them in the bedroom. That their worth is measured in naked photographs. That their minds and their souls are of little importance because they have vaginas and breasts, and those are the only things that really matter. Where are you, my kindred?
You and I disagree on some issues. We march in opposite directions in our various battles. But, here, on this hallowed earth, this war for the hearts and souls of our children, this is our common ground. We are all mamas, sisters, aunts, grandmas. We are all casualties of this war, whether we know it or not, and we are now watching our own sons and daughters fall into its devastating grip. Where are you, courageous ones? Our boys and girls need you to turn and fight and rail and rage and squall.
A new world is emerging. One where girls are victimized even when they are safe at home in their own bedrooms. One where boys get their sex education from violent videos that pour endlessly from the virtual world in their pocket. One where love is replaced by sex. Tenderness is replaced with brutality. Where marriages limp along in the shadow of sex addictions. Where are you, dear Feminists? History will remember the day that you finally surge into action and crash down on the pornography industry like a tsunami. Our boys and girls need you. Don’t let them look back on all of the ways they were wounded by this culture, knowing that that likes of you and the likes of me refused to come together to kill the source of their suffering.
The time is now. We need you. Where are you?
You may have read that Teen Vogue published an article this week for its audience of girls, ages 12-18, which is a how-to guide for anal sex. In fact, the creators of this magazine are writing instructive articles for all kinds of sexual acts. They want young girls to believe that sexual activity (including BDSM) is a natural part of being an older child in this country. It’s hard for those of us who are older to even fathom what kind of influence that this world can be on our kids–we, who read teen magazines for the quizzes about what type of friend we were, articles about how to handle our period. Our twelve year olds open teen magazines and take quizzes about what kind of sexual partner they are and read articles about how to masturbate and how “valid and valuable” porn is.
It’s hard to even believe that on a continent where an estimated 1.5 million children are currently being sold to satisfy detestable, porn-fueled desires that a teen magazine can so flippantly sell sex to kids like it’s candy. But, it’s happening.
As the mother of a twelve year old, I’m distraught and appalled that someone wants to teach her what anal sex is. But, the line in the article that bothered me the most has broader implications, and it’s the real message I want to counteract in my daughter’s heart and mind: “There is no wrong way to experience sexuality, and no one way is better than any other.” The writer says this with all authority and legitimacy. She is writing for a big name magazine, and her article has official looking anatomical drawings. If I have not taught my daughter to recognize sex ed fallacies when she sees them, then how will she discern that what is in this article isn’t true? Even more, if I haven’t taught her to view all things through a biblical lens, how will she know lies from the pit of hell when she sees them?
So, here is what our kids need to know. There are plenty of wrong ways to experience sexuality.
Ask any girl who has had her soul stripped bear by someone she hardly knows. The world tells her that’s fun. Ask any boy who stumbled across pornography on the phone his clueless parents bought him, who now can’t make it through the day without looking at it. The world tells him that’s the way it should be. Ask any college student who’s had so many partners that she isn’t really sure who’s the father of the baby she is about to abort. The world tells her to be proud of it. Ask any thirteen year old who saw an article in Teen Vogue and decided to try anal sex. The world laughs and says everyone tries “butt stuff,” as the Vogue writer so eloquently puts it. And, decision by decision, the kids of America learn again and again: there are plenty of wrong ways to experience sexuality. Ways that hurt them deeply. That cripple them emotionally and spiritually. Ways that will cause problems in their future marriages. Ways that wound the heart of God.
There is a better way. We have to teach our kids the truth here. We can’t avoid these conversations because we feel awkward. We can’t ignore these issues because we’re convinced our kids “would never do that.” We can’t go on pretending that we’re living in the 80s and 90s. Those days are way over, and, parents, the advice that is streaming into your kids’ hearts and minds is wicked and laced with everything that Satan would hope to see happen to your child. Do we really understand how much and how often and how effectively the world is sex educating our kids? There is no more time for being prudish and bashful and childish about sex when it comes to our children. They have to hear the truth from our lips, often, and with conviction. We have to ask questions. We have to be at least as diligent as the strangers at Teen Vogue when it comes to real sex education and teaching our children the very best way to experience sexuality.
We have to teach our kids that one of the greatest gifts of God is the intimacy between a man and a woman who have committed themselves to loving every inch of each other’s heart and soul. We have to teach them that great sex is safe sex, in the arms of the person who has vowed to hold us up when we need it, who has promised that no illness or accident, no outside interest, no schemes of this world will separate us. We have to show them what it looks like to be in love. We have to talk to them over and over and over again about the differences between Teen Vogue‘s versions of sex and God’s great blessing of sex. Most of all, we have to teach them that all this sex talk really isn’t about sex. It’s about obedience to God’s word. It’s about holiness and sanctification and trusting God with their future in all areas, even sex. It may sound cliche. It may make you nervous. It may make your teen roll her eyes. But, whose voice do you really want inside her head when she is faced with a monumental decision about sex: Teen Vogue‘s? Or yours, spouting the truths of God’s word?
I know which one I want ringing in my kids’ ears, so I’ll keep talking. I beg you, parents. Wake up. Protect my kids’ future boyfriends and girlfriends and spouses. Protect the future pastors and engineers and teachers. Show them how to live according to God’s word in the bedroom, on the internet, and everywhere. The Teen Vogues of the world won’t stop. When will you start?