Doubters Like Me

At times I really identify with Thomas, that infamous doubter. Thomas was a faithful follower of Jesus, but he had his moment of real uncertainty, and it happened to be an instance recorded for all of history to witness. Of course, God knew that many like me would need to know what happened in that moment when Thomas famously missed his first opportunity to see the risen Christ. He heard the reports from his spiritual brothers, Jesus’ closest friends, but he just couldn’t bring himself to imagine that what they were saying was true. In his heart, he demanded proof. He wanted to see the holes in Jesus’ hands and the spear wound in His side, and until then his small faith would not fully commit to the idea that Jesus was truly alive.

I have lived a small faith at many times in my life. There are times when I struggle to stand firm in my belief that eternal life is real, that Jesus is coming back, that one day everything that I hope with all of my heart is true will be proven for the whole world to see. I think of Jesus saying that it only takes a tiny, tiny faith, the size of the smallest of seeds, to have a real and everlasting relationship with Him, and I take comfort in knowing that if my faith is small, it is still faith. It is true hope for things unseen.

When Thomas stood there before all of the disciples with his small faith on display, an interesting thing happened. Jesus showed up. The Risen Christ appeared suddenly in this room where the doubter made his now notorious confession, and Jesus held out wounded hands. He lifted His garment to reveal a pierced side. Jesus didn’t chastise Thomas. He patiently allowed the doubter to touch the wounds. He gently led the man of small faith to a greater understanding of the kingdom that he was a part of. And Jesus told him that one day there would be others, maybe some doubters who possess small faith, and that they would be blessed because, though their faith be small, they would believe, even without touching the nail-scarred hands.

I take a lot of comfort from this real life scene, where Jesus Himself addresses the doubts of a man of God, and He does it with great love. I realize that I am not without these types of revelations in my own life. Jesus Himself orchestrates ways for my small faith to grow. He may not appear before me and let me touch His wounds, but He shows me again and again that only He can give me what I need. In my periods of small faith, He never fails to give me the confidence that I long for, through His patience. Through His love. Through the ways that He perfectly guides me, despite my doubts, despite my unfaithfulness. Jesus isn’t afraid of doubters. He isn’t repulsed by us either. When we struggle to believe, He draws us closer. And if we’re listening, He teaches us who He really is.

I don’t know if I’ll ever come to a place where periods of small faith no longer plague me. But I do know that my small faith isn’t a barrier between Jesus and me. Faith is His gift, and even the smallest amount of it is the greatest blessing, like a little seed, promising to bloom into something good and nourishing. I look forward to the day when my faith will turn into sight. Imagine how glorious the day of His return will be for the doubters. Won’t we be especially exhilarated when we finally see His hands and side for ourselves? He has a loving heart for the Thomases among us. His patience never ends. Blessed are those who do not see, yet believe, even through their doubts.

And every prayer we prayed in desperation, the songs of faith we sang through doubt and fear…In the end, we’ll see that it was worth it when He returns to wipe away our tears. -Phil Wickham, Hymn of Heaven