Ways to See and Support Foster Families

When Chad and I unexpectedly entered the fostering world, I already knew some foster parents. In fact, several members of our church were foster families and seemed to be thriving in what I could have only assumed was a pretty tough job. But I never really inquired about it. I never asked them if they needed help or asked them what it was like or even really thought about it much. I figured that only special people fostered kids, and that they had some sort of supernatural ability to handle it in a way that I was sure I could not.

Then we found ourselves going through the process of becoming licensed. We already had Ivy. We had taken her in at the request of her mother, but after a few months circumstances changed and she officially became a ward of the state. All of a sudden, we were a part of the foster system, which came with all of the staff, the rules and regulations, the visits with social workers, the paperwork, the doctor’s visits, and so much more. I quickly realized that before this happened, I didn’t understand how much support the foster families in our church probably needed from me but hadn’t been getting.

So I thought I would outline a few things that each of us can do to help foster families in our churches. Our church was incredibly supportive and loved us so well as we fostered and adopted. So many of these suggestions are inspired by what I learned from sweet friends who showed me what a difference it makes to have a loving team behind you as you navigate the world of fostering.

Feed foster families. Several wonderful people shared meals with us while we were in the throes of fostering. They gave us giftcards, took us out, and one precious friend even decided to make us a meal once a week for a period of several months. We felt loved and cared for, and meals always seemed to come at just the right time, when stress was high or the calendar was too full.

Clothe foster children. When we found out we were getting Ivy, within 12 hours my Sunday school class had provided all of the hand-me-down clothing that she needed. Friends would sometimes show up at church and hand us a bag from a store, where they had picked up a few cute new things for her. Others would approach me at church and ask what she needed, so I was able to share the need for shoes and diapers and playclothes. It was such a treat and ministered to us by saving us the money we would have otherwise spent.

Pray for foster families. Approach foster parents and ask them what some specific prayer needs are for the case. They may not be allowed to give specific details, but they could tell you they’d like prayer for an upcoming court hearing, or that they need prayer for wisdom or patience as they wait to see what will happen next. They may ask you to pray for an anxious child or pray that their family adjusts to the coming changes. Then actually pray about those needs, and follow up later, getting updates and learning what the new needs are. Fostering is a high stress environment because so much of what happens with the children is out of a foster parent’s control. They need lots of prayer.

Remember that foster parents aren’t superheroes. Foster parents don’t have some unusual ability to handle things that you couldn’t. Some elements of fostering are just as difficult for them as they would be for you. So don’t assume that they don’t need support or help, just because they seem to be doing okay. Try putting yourself in a foster mom or dad’s shoes, and then imagine how much you would appreciate help and understanding. Our church did a wonderful job of anticipating our needs and acting accordingly.

And now, one don’t. Don’t allow yourself to be indifferent to foster parents because you believe that they “signed up for this” and should handle it on their own. It’s a callous way to think about the world of fostering. It’s very easy to be pro-life in theory, but if you know foster families, this is your chance to put your pro-life ideals to work. I used to think that foster families didn’t need me. I didn’t really even think about it, except for the fleeting thought that they must be better people than I am. Now I realize that foster families need loving care and support of all kinds, and if the church is truly pro-life, then Christians should be the first ones running to help these families in any way we can.

Our church taught me so much about what this kind of support looks like. I hope that I will remember what a difference it made so that I will never again have an indifferent attitude toward foster parents. The Bible speaks of orphan care as pure and holy ministry. We can stand on the courthouse steps and protest about pro-life issues, but will we go and buy the giftcard, offer the companionship, cook the meal, pray with intention, clothe foster children with joy? Will we allow our lives to be intertwined with families who are trying to love and care for kids who are without their parents? No one is more perfectly poised to do just that than the local church. We just have to open our eyes to the ways that God can use us.