I recently received an email from a sweet mother who is about to put her oldest child in kindergarten. She’s nervous about it, as we all were that summer before the big first ever day of school, and she wanted some tips on how to raise kids to be godly even if you’re not homeschooling them.
It was an interesting question, and not something that I had spent a ton of time thinking about before she asked it. Homeschooling has never been a serious option for our family, although I don’t rule it out if the need arises. I have read many a blog filled with opinions that say homeschooling is the only way to take your Christian parenting responsibilities seriously, but I respectfully disagree. Homeschooling is wonderful. Most of the time. For some kids. In certain situations. But, public school can also be a great experience for your kids and you, even if you are a Christian family wanting to raise your kids to be godly people.
So, I thought I would quickly outline a few things that I believe have helped us teach our children about the gospel and about the Christian worldview, even while they attend public school.
Our family’s life is completely wrapped up in church. Now, you may be thinking that’s not exactly fair. I mean, my husband is a pastor, so aren’t we sort of forced to go to church all the time and make it the center of our lives? Well, it may appear that way, but you may remember that my husband was a struggling musician/teacher first, then an attorney second, and has just been in full-time ministry for the past eight years of our seventeen year marriage. And, our life has always been wrapped up in church.
All of our closest friends are our church friends. They’re the ones we do everything with. Their kids are our kids’ best friends. We are at church for everything. We hate to miss. Even when we go on vacation, we go to church. Maybe you’re seeing a pattern here. If you asked our children which is a bigger part of our lives, church or school, they would say church every time.
So, why does this matter?
It’s important for several reasons. First, because the church was created by Jesus. Yes, it’s imperfect. Yes, it’s filled with imperfect people. But, the church was instituted by Him to be a light in a dark world, a place where believers can share their lives and grow together and share joys and sorrows. It’s a place where Christians come to worship God together, in unity of spirit, and where good preaching and teaching help create a worldview that aligns with scripture.
The church is one of the first places where children will learn to sing praises to God, where they will begin to see the crucial truth of the gospel message, where they will learn that Jesus loves them. I hate the phrase “It takes a village,” but in Christianity, it truly takes a church to disciple and direct young hearts while they are tender and ripe for hearing and believing the truth of the Bible.
But, the main reason this immersion in church life is so important is because it teaches our children that this faith is a big deal. It’s not just something you think about on Sunday morning. It’s something that is always affecting our life, always directing our activities, always determining where we invest our time and money and effort. It sends a powerful message to our children that, not only do we go to church because we need to, we go because we want to be there. It’s God’s house, and we love being near His people.
If you are attempting to raise children who know Christ and who understand how to interpret the world’s craziness through the lens of scripture, but you aren’t faithfully throwing your whole self into serving in a church someplace, you are already setting yourself up for failure. God can do anything with anyone, but your children will have a much easier time understanding their need for a Savior if they see how important your faith is to you and how serious you are about teaching your family these truths.
We have theological discussions at home. Children ask some deep, sometimes overwhelming, sometimes embarrassing questions. Our philosophy is that we talk about everything, even the stuff that’s hard to talk about. When our kids ask questions about death or sex or God’s will or evil or anything else that’s big and needs answers from the Bible, we tell them the truth about it. It’s tempting to make up cute stories or to tell them something we think will be easier for them to handle, but children can begin to develop a deep sense of good theological systems from young ages. A firm grasp on theology is going to be a crucial part of the faith for these younger generations who are growing up in a terribly confusing world. It isn’t enough to say, “Jesus loves you, now go do the right thing.” Who can tell what the right thing is anymore? What’s the only source of wisdom in this wild world? Only the scripture and a right understanding of it.
It’s remarkable to see them apply the scriptural truths that they’re learning to situations at school and in life. Sending our kids to public school in no way prevents us from teaching them a biblical worldview. But, we don’t just wait for them to ask questions and then go from there. We make it a point to tackle some subjects and ideas that they maybe haven’t encountered yet. This is important because it’s always better for kids to be spiritually prepared before a situation arises. For instance, I recently sat my two oldest down and taught them about the dangers of pornography addiction and why we have to guard our hearts and our eyes. I know it seems like a scary thing to talk to your kids about things like this, but I’m always amazed by how matter-of-factly they respond, with thoughtful questions and with a sense of openness that’s surprising.
We take it one day, one situation, one child at a time. There is no perfect system for raising Christian kids. There are no guarantees that things will work out in our children’s hearts and lives the way we pray they will. No one approach is going to work for all kids. No one has all of this figured out–least of all our family. We are taking child raising one day at a time, and we handle each situation as it arises. You know why? Because there’s nothing else you can do. We can’t predict all of the things that our kids will question, wonder about, get involved in, get rebellious about. We can’t determine at these young ages if they’re going to be godly adults one day. But, we can do lots of things, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, that will give our kids a solid biblical foundation, even while they attend public school.
A sweet bonus of the public school connection is that being involved in the public school allows us to get to know people we might not normally see. We get to be a part of our community, outside the walls of the church. We meet fellow parents, teachers, and kids that we can reach out to, minister to, and pray for. And, our kids get the opportunity to influence others for Christ, which is really what the church is all about.
Fellow public school families, what are some things that you do to help influence your children to love God and love people?
Melissa, Thank you for this message; as your neighbor, I can testify to the depth you and Chad are involved with your children’s school and their related activities. As a former educator for 44 years, public schools prepare children for the real world. It teaches them diversity, and provides so many opportunities to witness by example.
Beautifully written! Thank you!
We saw such blessings from being involved in our public schools and are thankful for how that experience grew out children academically and spiritually. Our daughter just finished her first year of college; she entered as a sophomore and found taking a full load of honors credits pretty easy academically due to how well she was prepared by her public high school courses. Our son will be a junior and both can see how their experiences in a secular schooling scenario helped to solidify their faith. Their experiences were not without some struggles, but those have allowed us to shepherd and guide their hearts under the umbrella of our protection.
I wrote about our experience a few years back. It’s not right for everyone, but it was right for us!
https://lightheartedliving.wordpress.com/2014/06/11/a-kid-at-a-time-a-school-at-a-time-a-year-at-a-time-yes-just-yes/
So appreciate and respect your opinions Melissa. Sharing this with my two daughters who are pondering education choices for their young children. Thanks!
We have six children, and we did all three — public school, Christian school and home school (whatever worked best for them and our family at various times as they went through their school years). Actually, it was easier having our children in public school than Christian school, because we could tell them, “Your classmates act that way because they don’t know Jesus.” Then we would tell them how they could witness to their classmates and invite them to church or to our church’s kids’ club. One time we went to an elementary school Christmas program and counted at least 30 kids who had heard the Gospel because our children went to that school. So how did they turn out? All six are adults now, and all are serving the Lord in their churches; one works with the teens at his church, one took over my spot in a children’s ministry, one is a missionary in Uruguay, one is a pastor’s wife, one works with a children’s ministry in another church, and one is still in Bible college. I think having your children in public school instills in them a sense of compassion for lost souls. At least it did for my children. The bottom line is that it’s not the school, as much as it is the parents.
Thank you so much for posting this! Your advice to “take it one day, one situation, one child at a time” will probably become my motto. Baby steps of grace.
Thank you for this encouraging post as we prepare to send our kids to school this fall!
I am 62 and grew up in a Bible believing church, loving Christian family and in the public school, with a mom that was a public school teacher. I grew up knowing Christ was my Savior, but he was never allowed in my school. In all my 13 years of public school, there was not one prayer, one verse, one song, or one word about Christ. I have had to work hard to place Christ in all life situations, not just church. Because of this divided mind, I homeschooled all my children from K-12th grade, as I wanted them to know Christ in all of their life. They are now grown and married, and have a much more vibrant Christian life and much stronger witness for the Lord than I had. They lead Bible studies at work, teach at a Christian school and do door to door prayer time on their streets. All three thank me that they were homeschooled and when their peers find out they were homeschooled they confide that they wished they had been homeschooled. Homeschooling is the one thing I did not regret doing. Yes, it is hard work, but what is more rewarding than developing your children to serve the Lord and their generation?
This brings such peace to my heart to read. We are currently enrolled in a christian school where I work and where my first grader attends, but my husband’s company promoted him and we are moving to Pittsburgh. We are so excited about the school system there, as it is ranked much higher than San Antonio’s, but of course are nervous, as our son has only ever been given a christian education. God has put a peace on our hearts to try out public school as a way to envelope ourselves within the community, meet neighbors, and hopefully be given a chance to minister to them. Thankful for this good read during such a stressful time of planning such a big move for us!
Tara
I’m so glad, Tara! Prayers for an easy transition as you move!
Tara, I am a Christian and a long time public educator (24year) in Pittsburgh with three teen – aged boys. What school district will your first grader be in? I would love to help you if needed. Just reach out to me @ jburgerhome@verizon.net.
God Bless.
Joe
It has been a real battle in the public schools – especially for my daughter who is now an adult and attending college. She has taken on many values from the world and from the culture, due to the friendships she developed in the public schools. Some of her decisions have been terrible – drugs, becoming sexually active, and struggling with esteem issues, and having emotional problems. She needed special education services which generally private schools can’t afford and homeschoolers definitely can’t easily handle. Yet, her faith – albeit, woefully immature, is in tact. My prayer is that she will come out on the other end with a powerful witness for God. I must at admit, if I were very well of, I would not have sent my children to public schools. But I am not. Regardless, many young adults leave the church, and the percentages are the same, regardless of home school, public school, or private school. To that point, I’m convinced that it really doesn’t matter.
Education in most of the world is a privilege, not a right, thus the homeschool and private school option reflect this truth. Yes, as adult Christians, we need to be both salt and light. Thus, Churches MUST begin to equip people to raise their children and teach the truth regardless of the false worldviews that exist in the public school arena. (Your husband needs to know this, I encourage you as a pastor’s wife to learn more – it can be fulfilling and rewarding, as well as preparing you to help others more effectively). Thus, the real problem here is the failure of our Christian leaders. Parents must be equipped to live in the public arena, including the public schools, and deal with the false worldviews in evolution, pure naturalism, LBTG values, Afro-centric or Euro-centric skewed history (mostly Euro-centric skewed views of history, especially American history, although this is changing to demonizing European/American history which is just as skewed!), and many other ideas that stand opposed to a Christian worldview and the truths of the Bible, specifically the New Testament. These false worldviews primarily begin to be taught in late elementary school and definitely middle school.
So, although for me, personally it has been painful, my encouragement is to just be aware, be equipped, love your children (they are, after all, fallen and sinful human beings just like we are as adult Christians), and guide them through this sinful world by (a) being an example first (like the author of the article); (b) teaching and equipping at home. Know the truth, and then be able to defend it, not simply with “the Bible says X, Y and Z, but become an apologist. Consider Ravi Zacharias or Hugh Ross – men who are very intelligent and their organizations have great resources (Ravi Zacharias International Ministries-RZIM and Reasons to Believe – RTB).
This is beautiful and so true
Thanks for this. I am agonizing over what to do as my eldest leaves the nurturing Christian preschool that is so, so safe and wonderful, and heads into public school in the fall. It’s hard for this mama.
I’m in the same boat as you were. How did it go for your eldest this past year?