Imagine that a man gets up to speak to a crowd, and he tells them that women are dumb. Imagine that he jokes that having a wife is like having another child to look after. Imagine that he tells this hilarious joke: Women are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.
There’s no doubt he would be run out of town and labeled a sexist jerk forever.
Now imagine that a woman stood up and said the same things about men. She would be considered witty and wise.
Tune into any female comedian, writer, or commentator, and you’ll find that male bashing is a favorite topic of conversation. Men, according to these women, are nothing more than money in the bank account and sperm donors. It seems that women have free reign to say whatever they want about men, and it’s deemed acceptable, and, for the most part, true.
http://www.butlerwebs.com/jokes/images/wishingwell.jpg
And, we’ve all done it. We hear it so much we do it without even thinking. When we do this, we send messages to our husbands that we don’t respect them, that we enjoy belittling and embarrassing them, and that their feelings aren’t important. Are our husbands used to this talk? Of course, they’ve heard it their entire lives in a million different forms. But, they are not made better by it. They aren’t convicted by it or motivated to change when we talk this way. In fact, they are probably resolved that they cannot make women happy, that no matter how hard they work or how much they sacrifice or how wonderful they are, women are still going to say, Yeah, but you are still just a baby in a man’s clothes. If it weren’t for me, you would be a wandering idiot with no sense of where to go or what to do.
It’s sad.
But, what’s even more sad is what we’re saying to our sons when we talk this way. Somehow we act as if little boys are a special breed of male, not having reached the magic age that suddenly makes them dumb and basically useless. But, what do you think happens to little boys who spend their entire childhood listening to their mothers discuss how moronic men are, how immature and how helpless they are? Is this the role that we want our boys fulfilling one day? Do we want to teach our boys that they can dream of being whoever they want to be, as long as they are aware that the main thing they’ll be is an idiot? We are killing their notions that they can be the strong and smart heroes that they want to be. They may dream of being like their daddies someday, and all the while we are telling them their daddies are dummies, and they will grow up to be dummies, too.
We are wounding our boys and our men in very real ways with this foolish way of talking. And, we are certainly doing nothing to inspire future generations of men to be more of what we want.
So, I implore you, 2014 women: let’s be a little more enlightened, a little more mature, and let’s show our boys that they and their daddies are respect-able, competent hero material. And, when we, the very first lesson-teachers, do this little thing that is so big, our boys get a trusted reflection of what they need to become just by looking in our faces and hearing our encouraging words.
Our boys deserve better. And so do our men.
Love this thank you! Especially with the wave of feminism that has cascaded upon us lately
Thanks so much, Tasha!
I agree with you Melissa. I’m embarrassed at how the media is depicting men. Well, I’m embarrassed about most stuff the media is promoting ! Women are demeaning themselves by saying and acting superior to men. Arrogance is a sin God detests and I think it especially looks bad in women.
Thank you for this comment, Janie! I agree!
I truly appreciate it when women stand up for the male gender as God so designed. Thank you, Melissa.
Thanks so much, Brad!
LOVED this! Thank you so much for posting! This is something that is so natural in our culture, that we really have to watch and guard ourselves against! Even when we don’t intend for it to come across that way, sometimes that kind of attitude slips out in our writing. You have challenged me!
Becky from http://Operationwife.com
You’re right, Becky! I do the same thing. But, we can do better! Thanks so much for your comment!
One of my pet peeves in life is when someone is surprised that my Patrick takes care of all four of our children by himself. He is beyond competent to do this! Why would this be such a surprise and worthy of jokes? I married the most amazing, capable, intelligent man ever and I am so proud of him!!! So “society” and “friends” don’t belittle my husband and expect me to laugh along with you! 🙂 Sorry, off my soap box now. Thank you for this Melissa!
Patrick is blessed to have you, Angie! Thanks for this comment!
Ran across your post while surfing and see it was awhile back but thought I would comment also. I was a single dad that raised two sons on my own. You know how they honor me? They are now great dads.
That is great!!
Wrote a book called ‘Family Court inc’.
A 20 year tell all.
On Amazon and please check Facebook Page of same name are share with friends.
You left out great strength. He was able to do something people and society told him over and over and over and over again at every turn he simply couldn’t do. Obviously these skirted oppressors were both wrong and ignorant, won’t change their misbehavior and arrogance though.
I appreciate the nudge male bashing does not center on only grown men, since the ”young ” man has to put up with it, too. I hear little else but what is WRONG about the male child, and NOBODY will say just what it is they do. A minister introduced new members of the church they should be happy, not adding a 4th boy, as if to argue his Creator’s choice? I asked the church leaders, ”maybe I am the 4th boy ! Maybe the 5fh boy would find a cure for cancer?” The male offspring BETTER not have any attention. A close friend of our’s has more than one of each gender, and it happened Dad was very athletic, raising his sons to be boys, be athletic, more of a roustabout if you will, although they grew up very well and were always mild mannered and polite. Two women closer to me pouted, “all that family thinks about are those boys !” The other one sighed, “I feel so sorry for the girls….” in a supposed male atmosphere. If you knew the parents, you would agree the daughters are not treated as foreign. The parents were proud of them, and they done very well in education and life. The attitude of society was simply repeated, the attention, benelevance, is inclined to rest with the female side, with a lot of people. Some parents families simply like BOYS !
There is nothing wrong with that.
I totally agree and have been trying to say the same for years. Thanks for saying it so eloquently.
Thank you, Marion!
So true. I’m happy to know there are more wives and moms out there that feel this way too. I want my sons to grow up knowing they can (and should) be awesome, Godly men and fathers just like their own daddy.
Me, too, Emily! Thanks so much for your comment!
Don’t discount the effect that this all has on our daughters’ impression of their fathers, too …
Very true, Glenn! Thanks for your comment!
I have been in search of some articles who are discussing on this topic. Very nicely said. Belittling for fun makes the divine love between husband and wife becomes a joke.
Male bashing is becoming a trend even here back in Kenya.There is no week a newspaper goes by without men being called down.It doesn’t help for people like me who as a child have grown up being shouted down at and belittled and later suffer personalities disorders and depression and have had to undergo years of therapy to be ok.
Thank you… You said so much in just a few paragraphs. There’s rarely a day that goes by that I don’t see or hear negative stereotypes and generalizations of men. Unfortunately, the days I don’t hear it are the days I don’t turn on the radio, television, Internet or even walk out of the house for that matter. My wife blessed me with two boys that I love more than the air I’m breathing. If she blessed me with a little girl I’d love her just the same while wrapped tightly around her tiny fingers. Your comments on society viewing boys as unique little humans that will inevitably develop into thuggish halfwits was spot on. It amazes me that our society is complaining about its decline while systematically destroying the family structure. It hurts…
I appreciate the reflection, the idiocy of male bashing also extends to boys. It might seems not much else about the male child is there is something WRONG about boys, and there NEVER said just what it is ! ! Society only bellyaches about the young man, and skips over an example. One male pastor of a Christian church reminded a married couple how LUCKY there are NOT TO HAVE ANOTHER BOY !
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Thank You .. It definitely feels very nice to know and wish more wives understand, realise and implement before their Son’s gets married and suffer..What you Sow is what you reap..
Thank you Melissa for speaking the straight forward truth about male bashing. It is bad for men but it is toxic for our boys. Too many fine young men feel they are somehow defective and on the road to more of it as they mature. This is crazy. Thank you for speaking the truth in a crazy world!
I was searching on male bashing for a presentation I have next week on men and suicide and bumped into this post. So glad I did!
Fancy seeing you here. Thanks for staying in the game, Tom!
Hi Paul – Are you connected here?
Respect for you Melissa…. Your son is blessed with the most wonderful mother he deserves.
I have an 8 year old that is starting to believe girls rule and buys are not as smart. This is a drastic change from the time his mom and I have been in arguments, The media, his school and mostly female classmates have made it that he feels “uncool” or stupid. I hope to see change soon or I will make sure he changes by exposing him to the history and achievements of men. I prefer to NOT do this because it may have the opposite effect and start making him look at girls as having less IQ and lacking in math and sciences.
30 years ago when the boys outperformed the females in math and the sciences it was the education systems failure. Now, the buys aren’t doing well, so they blame the DUMB boys.
To any respecting American parent, empower your boys to take the challenges of our scientific and intellectual world again. Just maybe we can get out edge back. The boys should be taught that a gender free competition in our world be the right attitude and if outshines others then it is what it is.
I’m not “used” to this talk. I’m increasingly hurt, saddened and dejected by it. It’s offensive and ubiquitous. As a result I can see subtle shades of misandry in virtually every woman I encounter. And why wouldn’t they adopt these views when they’re accepted and encouraged to this extent, in this culture? I’ve always felt like a righteous advocate for women’s rights and issues but this behavior by women is poisoning my support, provoking feels of hatred towards women and leading me down the path of misogyny. Why should I respect a group that doesn’t respect me? I’m a pretty selfless person but my patience is about broken.
Thank you, Hue Mann. I try to be in favor of being friendly with women and look forward to interacting,….but for the noise some women bring, and insistence some feel men are lower, not bright people, I often appreciate the quiet when they are not around, That attitude puts my momentum for them in chains, and pushes them OR me apart, but does lead to a feeling of ‘rest.’ No, a man can not win an argument with a women ! They beat me every time. Raise the victory flag ladies, you have the last word !
The western world is sexist as hell, thanks to corporations promoting it for profit (i.e. male-bashing commercials, and vote-sniffing politicians.
However, men have been passive on the subject for far too long, and to their own detriment. In fact, those men who do speak out are just as often set-upon by other men.
So, to all those who speak out for justice, thank you.
Male bashing is more due to gynocentrism and both men and women are responsible.
Your blog misses the mark by a mile.
Read Family Court Inc, by William Levy, mostly free on Amazon.
It is not a sexist issue, it is a society and cultural issue.
We never see hitting a woman as hilarious, we see it as offensive and in fact it can land you in jail!
So how about those really hilarious groin kicks that makes women and men laugh but that kick can send a boy or man to the ground writhing in pain or to the hospital or the morgue??
That’s funny????
Talk about society brainwashing!
We see in family movies,so called family shows the infamous groin kick that makes everyone laugh at an action that can kill a man – Shrek, Boss Baby, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, ad nauseum.
As a teacher, I have seen how boys are looked upon and treated by some (certainly not all, or even most) female teachers. It is as boys have some condition or syndrome for simply being who they are. Sadly, this viewpoint has gained traction in recent years, with the prevalence of various forms of identity politics. I have always felt that feminism benefits only the top 1% who a grasping for a “seat at the table” so to speak. Meanwhile little boys, and girls, by the way, are the losers.
I find it very comedic that feminists, or simply those who share these beliefs regarding the topic, depict themselves as not only ‘strong’ and ‘independent’ (which, they very much are and can be), but stronger and MORE independent than men through these quips and sweeping phrases — all the while complaining that they’ve no means to fulfill these characteristics. In other words, they act unnecessarily obnoxious about being better only when convenient to THEM. Then, whenever they’ve been beaten to a position by a man, they begin to sulk to the media about their problems and about being “oppressed.”
I can accredit this general lacking in taking charge, like a man, (which is supported by America so as to keep it functional) to biology making it so and to God making biology to make it so. I don’t feel that females are entirely prepared for jobs that primarily require a man’s duty. Although they definitely CAN be, the Left is doing the exact opposite to help women be the successful people they so wistfully desire to be.
“Reese” is a pseudonym.
That is “comical”, not “comedic”.
I am afraid this will grow out of control. I feel the two groups, due to “very differential, social treatment” will grow rapidly apart with dire consequences for all. The belief boys should be strong is still alive and well. With this comes increased aggressive treatment for vast majority of boys from infancy to make them tough. There is also much less kind, verbal interaction support for fear of coddling. In the information age, this is killing off many boys and men academically and economically. With the proper definition of average stress as many maintained layers of mental work, “which takes up real mental energy leaving less mental energy for new mental work” we can then extrapolate many areas this hurts boys. It hurts reading/motivation; writing/motivation; probably half the communication/syntax of girls; more fear of adults; more activity for stress relief; and the giving of love/honor only on condition of achievement with more abuse when appearing weak in some way. This sends many boys/men into video games and sports when not able to gain (due to harsh treatment) the academic and later, economic success.
As girls we are given love/honor for being girls. This creates lower average layers; more ease of learning; more support for weaknesses: all the good things. We are given much kind, stable, verbal interaction by parents, teachers, others. This is creating many many successful girls and women in the information age. Sadly along with this wonderful protection, we are also given much much freedom of expression both show more emotion and to yes, give more verbal, silent abuse, and hollow kindness with impunity, knowing we are protected. As more and more women succeed and more men fail due to more harsh treatment, the voices of women are becoming more, I believe has become institutionally accepted. With this acceptance, there has become more bashing of boys by teachers, girls, and sadly, much modeling in school and the media has given license for the same kind of bashing by women in employment, offices, stores, professional buildings, and other places where men and women may happen to be together temporarily or men (as becoming more the norm) as subordinates where it is seen as almost common for higher ranked women to give more verbal, silent abuse and patronization to male subordinates. I feel this problem will only grow out of control over time due to growing differential treatment by gender. I fear, these micro-abrasions will accumulate in many boys and men, along with greatly diminished feelings of self-worth to where boys and men may begin to act out in very violent ways, even fatalistically as a major catharsis for their suffering. I hope we can provide better insight to others. learning theory will go to all.
Well, here we are in 2020….
How’s that stuff working for anyone? Seems worse than ever.