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It Only Takes a Spark

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The 81 year old pastor stood at the front of the room with a kindly smile on his face. He was a legend of sorts, standing there before a crowd of young preachers (and me, a green preacher’s wife), conveying to us some of the many things he’s learned through his years of serving God and the church. We hung on every word.

This man has lived out the things that he has preached about for more than sixty years, and has managed to do it with strength, humility, and kindness. He hasn’t lost his love for people or felt put-upon by the weight of his calling. He has served God with gladness, and is still serving Him to this day, never wavering in his message that God’s word is true, God’s ways are good, and God’s grace is real.

Watching him, I wondered how he has managed to keep his amazing attitude, how he hasn’t buckled under the pressure of being who he is, such a sought-after godly example. And then, he gave me a hint.

He told us about an experience in his younger days of pastoring, when a new and unusual temptation cropped up in his life. He told us that he didn’t take this temptation seriously enough, and truly thought that it wasn’t an issue. But one evening, he told us, God cracked open the door of my heart and let me look inside... And, it was as black as a thousand midnights.  He realized in that moment that he was capable of any sin, even those that he thought he was above committing.

You could hear a pin drop in the room, as each of us admitted to ourselves, right then and there, that our hearts were just as wicked.

We get so sure of ourselves sometimes. We start believing that we could never be tempted to do this or that. We start feeling superior to those we see who are struggling. We look up one day and realize that we truly feel that we are too good to stumble or stray, and we rest in our own goodness. We take pride in following rules and consider certain sins as fodder for only more lowly Christians–those who haven’t attained our level of communion with Christ.

But, woe to those of us who ever decide that we are too good to fall. The truth is that inside each of us is the potential to do any manner of things that hurt everyone around us and grieve God. Lurking there, not so far underneath our cleaned up surface, is a keg of dynamite that can blow to smithereens everything in our lives that we hold dear. If we really stop to admit it to ourselves, we will see that even the holiest among us has a heart as black as a thousand midnights. When we start to believe that we are above ANY sin, we make ourselves dangerously vulnerable to temptation. After all, we don’t flee from that which we don’t feel is a danger to us. So, we pick up the sticks of TNT and we play with them without fear, forgetting that at any moment our deceitful heart could strike a match. We cannot afford to play with temptation as if we are immune to it. The Bible says to run away, fast and far.

When this dear pastor gave us these words of wisdom, wrapped up in his kind demeanor like a precious gift from Heaven, I began to understand how he has remained so humble, so honored to be a servant for Christ. It’s because he has chosen to remember that he is still a lowly sinner who has been shown mercy and grace by the Lord of Lords. The moment we forget that we are the very wretch that we sing about, we are already juggling the dynamite.

We must remember who we have the potential to be. And, we must remember that we didn’t climb out of the pit of depravity: Jesus dug us out. If it weren’t for Him, we would be there still, thinking that we’re having a grand old time. Our hearts will always try to lie to us. Unless we live on guard against our sinful tendencies, unless we refuse to decide that we are good enough to handle sin on our own, we will see our pride give way to failure.

And, the boom will be heard all around.

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing,
but the flesh is weak. Matthew 26:41 

The Harmless Sins are the Most Dangerous of Them All

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Once more social media is filled with the news of Christian Grey. I watch with interest as Christian women plan evenings out that revolve around the new movie. They joke about how eager their husbands will be have them home afterward–their sexual passions stirred by an actor who isn’t their husband, portraying a twisted, cruel character who isn’t their husband. And, I suppose the prevailing attitude is that men don’t care by what means their wives get in the mood for sex, so long as they get in the mood.

But, if this is how we think of our husbands, we’re wrong. Men do care if their wives are ogling other men, even if those men are actors who live a thousand miles away in a different world. Even if lusting after a man you aren’t married to is generally considered harmless these days.

The harmless sins are the most dangerous of them all.

They are the ones we explain away with a little shrug, a wave of the hand, a joke. They are the ones we justify over and over again. They are the ones that are so easy to fall into. And, they are ones that are killing us.

But, I’m not just picking on 50 Shades of Grey. Temptation to sin is everywhere, and one thing that makes sin so appealing–one thing that convinces us that it is irresistible–is that we honestly consider most of it to be no big deal. Pornography, gossip, jealousy, hatred, dishonoring our parents, lust. All of these can seem utterly harmless to us when we are in the thick of temptation. We tell ourselves that it won’t hurt anyone, but we are wrong about that, too. Sin always hurts. We hurt ourselves and we hurt other people and we grieve God. No sin is harmless. There is always harm done. Always.

But, we aren’t left with no hope of conquering temptation, no matter how fiercely it tries to drag us into the pit. There is always a moment before sin in which we choose. That moment is where the battle for purity and holiness is won or lost, many times a day, every single day. Left to our own willpower, we would choose sin more often than not. But, if we know Christ, then we have been emboldened and empowered by the Holy Spirit to resist temptation in all its forms. If we think through all of the choices that we make in a day, we will get a fairly clear picture of what kind of faith life we’re leading. How often do we give into temptation with little or no fight? How often do we forge ahead with our sin, barely pausing to acknowledge that a real choice is being made?

Just a few days ago I started to write Chad a private message about an old acquaintance of ours. I was set to describe all of the ways that this person was annoying me on Facebook. The message was completely devoid of any kind of grace or kindness, and looked nothing at all like Jesus. Just before I made the conscious decision to hit send, the Holy Spirit miraculously opened my eyes to the fact that I had accidentally written this message to the person I was talking about. I quickly deleted the whole thing and walked away from my computer, knowing that I had just been given a precious gift of mercy that I didn’t deserve. I was horrified at the thought of this person reading what I had written. Yet, I was perfectly fine with God seeing it and with my husband seeing it, even though I knew it would likely hurt my husband spiritually and grieve my God.

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen my wicked heart more clearly than in that moment.

We all make choices every day. Are we giving into temptation, or are we fighting, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to live a life that pleases God? Because, even though I was humiliated at the thought of this old friend of mine reading what I wrote about her, how can I forget that one day everything I’ve done will be made known? How can I ever feel proud of my goodness when I know how often that I very clearly choose to turn from God’s way and dive right into sin?

I’m so grateful that we have a God who can sympathize. We have a Savior who knows what temptation is like, even though He always made the right choice.  His blood was spilled for our harmless sins. But, no big deal, right?

A Kangaroo at the Manger

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Last night we had our annual Christmas pageant at church. There’s something so special and sweet about seeing a bunch of ragtag kids put on oversized shepherds’ robes and fake beards and take to the stage, shining a little light once again on that tiny stable in Bethlehem.

So many kids turned up to be part of it that we legitimately ran out of costumes. We hastily took the newbies to a Sunday school room and dug through boxes of odd, mismatched costume pieces from all kinds of kids’ productions of the past. By the time we got to the last little blonde haired, blue-eyed beauty, standing there all expectant, wondering which vital role of the Christmas story that she would play, we were down to an unidentified animal of some sort, brown in color, with a tail and feathered trim, pink-lined ears flopping adorably over the front of her hat. We didn’t know what it was. She didn’t know what it was. But, she was happy. And, the show went on.

I’m pretty sure we may have had a kangaroo at the manger.

And, in some small way it seems appropriate. There are times when I feel about as out of place in the Christmas story as a kangaroo. What business do I have there, on that silent night, peeking over sweet young Mary’s shoulder, gazing on the King of Kings?  When I consider how spiritually poor that I really am, how my wretched attitudes and thoughts wreck that beautiful scene, how I am in no way worthy of even standing nearby when God takes to the Earth, tiny baby so tenderly laid there in the rough-hewn trough where animals eat–when I really think about it, I just want to hide away in shame so as not to spoil the moment with my ever heavy humanity.

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But, then I remember that here in this place, in this little barn somewhere in the middle of a sleepy city, that God invited a teenaged mother. He invited a simple carpenter. He invited shepherds who spent every night and day with their smelly sheep. That’s not to say that those invited were as wicked as I am. But, one thing is for certain: every single one of them was a sinner, unworthy to even glance at that holy baby in the manger. Yet, there they were. Summoned by a choir of angels. Resting under the bright light of a special star. Gazing into the face of God.

You see, we are not the ones who are out of place. This is the world that we inhabit. This is the realm of sin and suffering and that never-ending wrestling with our bent toward sin. This is where we learn how to depend on Him, where we pray for assurance of His presence. I guess that is the real miracle of the manger. Not that we are there, but that Jesus is. Jesus, in his complete perfection, in His all-powerful everything-ness. Lying there on prickly hay, needing a young mother’s care.

God with us.

He didn’t have to come to this place. He didn’t have to invite us to come near. He didn’t have to tether Himself to a weak human body or strong human urges. But, He did. And, He did it all perfectly.

After the pageant last night, we folded costumes to packed them away for next year, and our little kangaroo happily skipped away to get cookies and punch. I’m not sure that we’ll ever again see a kangaroo at the manger. But, when I remember this night and that oddly sweet unidentified animal that sat up on her knees to try to get a better look at baby Jesus, I hope I remember how miraculously out of place God was in that manger. And, I pray that I never stop praising Him for it.

Spelling Out Unconditional Love

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As parents, we all want to express love to our kids in various ways. We try to figure out what really communicates love to them, and then we try to show that love to our kids in specific ways that they seem to respond to.

Still, as much as we tell our kids that we love them, spend plenty of time with them, and try to bless them with our words and actions, as Christians we also must address sin and dole out consequences for bad choices. It can be sort of harrowing to try to teach our children that sin hurts them and others, that it displeases God and is disobedience. After all, calling it sin sounds so much worse than calling it “acting up,” yet it’s imperative to their spiritual formation that we help identify the problem of sin and that we all need Jesus. It’s important that we think through the best ways to approach this topic with our kids so that we don’t create an environment that suggests that they are only acceptable to us when they are behaving perfectly. So, how do we teach our kids about sin without making them feel like our love is conditional? How do we keep from sending the message that good behavior produces parental love?

First, we need to try our hardest to be humble. As parents sometimes we get into high and mighty mode, lecturing our kids as if we have never had the exact sin problem we see in them. Chad is so good at showing humility when he talks with the kids. I always learn something when I watch him deal with them. He approaches them tenderly and with understanding, pointing out their errors in love and admitting that he has struggled with the same things. He doesn’t panic or freak out. He just talks to them, calmly and always with a spiritual lesson in mind.

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Secondly, we need to remind them that this faith isn’t about acting the right way. It’s about having a heart and mind that’s tuned in to the things of God, even if we still mess up sometimes. We don’t ever want to give our kids the impression that salvation is dependent upon what they are or aren’t doing. Instead, we want to emphasize that God’s love is constant, no matter what we do, but if our hearts are turned toward Him, then we will want to follow Him well and we will be grieved when we aren’t.

Finally, we need to spell out our unconditional love. I often do a little question and answer session with my kids. When I would normally just say, “I love you,” instead I ask, “Who loves you?” They answer, “You do.” Then I ask, “Can you ever do anything that will make me NOT love you?” They reply, “No.” This seems like a small thing, and maybe a little hokey. But, I want to constantly be planting the truth in their minds that I am never, ever going to quit loving them over sin. That my love is completely without condition. That they never have to be afraid to come to me to confess a sin issue or ask for help. Maybe someday when they are in a bad situation and they are afraid to come to me, those words from their childhood will ring in their hearts: nothing will ever make me stop loving you.

And, because their parents are their first glimpse of what the love of the Father is like, I pray they are also getting the message that His love, too, endures.

I thank God that He gifts parents with a miraculous love for their children. I pray that we will be able to show our kids how deep and strong that love is and, even more miraculous, how much more complete and perfect God’s love for them is. He is so faithful and good.

I would love to hear from you, parents. What are your best tips for expressing unconditional love to children?

America, I Still Believe in You. (But, Only Because I Believe in Him.)

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Dear America,

I still believe in you.

When you were born 240 years ago, you were like a wobbly newborn calf, just testing out its legs. Built on courage and determination and vision and, yes, rebellion. Your ideals were clear: freedom for all. Liberty. You were designed to protect human beings from tyranny and to create a world where we are free to think what we want, say what we want, believe what we want.

You haven’t always gotten it right, America. That spirit of rebellion is still strong in you. The mindset that says independence above all, strength no matter the cost, prosperity and self-reliance and pride. All things that I love about you. But, with such a love for independence comes the the tendency to believe that God is unnecessary. That Jesus is irrelevant. That the blessings of an unseen Savior are actually just the result of human intelligence, personal determination, or hard work.

It’s really not your fault, America. You are only as good as the sum of your parts. And, you are made up of imperfect people. People, in fact, whose hearts are bent toward sin and self-destruction. People who would rather feel safe and understood and comfortable than see hearts turn toward Christ. People like me.

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But, I still believe in you, America. Because I believe in Jesus Christ. And, I know that He can change people in miraculous ways. He can turn cold, dead hearts toward compassion. He can turn political minds into spiritual minds. He can save souls that seem way past saving, and He can bring revival even among us complacent, sleepy Christians. He can wake you up, America, because He can change people. And, that means He can change you before we find ourselves once again bound in chains of tyranny that keep us from freely honoring the God of the Universe, who built you, who invented freedom, and who tells us that true liberty comes only through belief in the saving power of Jesus Christ.

You are still, today, the greatest country in the world. Tomorrow, I’m not sure what you’ll be. But, I know that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever. So, if your people cling to Him, America, I believe you will make it. I still believe in you because I believe in the One who really sets people free. So, on your birthday, I offer up a prayer to Jesus, asking that He would show us how to humble ourselves and seek His face and turn from our wicked ways, not just so that He will make you great, America, but so that you will make His name great in all of the world. He doesn’t need you, America. But, you sure need Him. Happy birthday to my home that I love. May God have mercy on us, one soul at a time, until the United States of America is overrun with love for the Savior.

Stumbling Through the Dark

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Emerald is now sleeping with her closet light on. She has graduated to this point through lots of baby steps. First, she just wanted the bathroom light in the hall left on. Then she wanted to take a flashlight to bed, too.  Then she decided she needed her closet light on with the door slightly ajar. And now she’s at the point where her closet doors are standing wide open and it is fairly daylight in her room all night long.

I asked her why she needed so much light, and she said that things in her room look scary in the dark. So, one night I went in there and looked around. She was right. Her ceiling fan suddenly looked like a giant spider. The friendly little tissue paper poofs hanging from her ceiling look like strange ghostly orbs. Even her cute flowered dresser looks large and foreboding in the darkness. But, with the closet lights on, she can look all around her tiny room and see that it really is the same cozy, friendly place that she has always enjoyed hanging out.

I crowded out the darkness in Emerald’s room with a good old-fashioned dose of bright light. And, thankfully she falls right to sleep without wondering what is waiting for her in the dark. What was once so terrifying is no big deal now that she can clearly see what she is dealing with.

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Tonight, millions of men and women who subscribed to the affair-seeking site Ashley Madison have been shoved out of the dark into a blinding, white light. And, this is a good thing.

Because sin thrives in the dark. It breeds and multiplies. In the dark, sin feels undefeatable. It feels invincible. In the dark, sin will take over and rule you.

Maybe you are sitting miserable in the dark of a secret sin right now. Don’t wait until you are shoved into the bright light of truth. Step out. Walk into the arms of the Savior in whom there is not even a hint of shadow. In His light, we see sin for what it is, and it is rarely as monstrously overwhelming as we think. In fact, in the light of His love and mercy and power, even the biggest sins don’t look undefeatable anymore.

He isn’t afraid of your sin. Take it to Him. Turn on the light. You don’t have to be enslaved by the dark anymore.

Sin is the Only Bad Word Left

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A couple of years ago, I wrote a blog post about a celebrity that went viral. Hundreds of thousands of people read it, and several hundred chimed in to let me know how much they loved or, more often, despised what I had said about the situation. I got plenty of hate mail of all kinds over the post, but I’ll never forget what one woman said to me in the comments section: People like you are the reason that I literally hate Christians.

My reaction to the whole dust up was complete disbelief that people cared so much what one inconsequential girl in west Texas said about the content of a movie. I felt like the most loathed person in America for a couple of weeks–all because I had dared to utter the word sin in the same sentence as the name of a well-loved actor.

Since that time I have learned that this word never goes over well. In fact, using the word is just about the biggest–well, sin–that a person can commit in our culture. Abortion isn’t sin….it’s a choice. Homosexuality isn’t sin….it’s simply a path to happiness. Adultery isn’t sin….the heart just wants what it wants. Pornography isn’t sin….it’s all in good fun. Gossip isn’t sin….it’s a way to share concerns. Pride isn’t sin….it’s standing up for yourself. Gluttony isn’t sin….I’m a foodie.  Greed isn’t sin….get all you can while you can.

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We are told we need to drop the word sin from our vocabulary. This word, we’re told, is hateful. It is unloving. And, the world’s cries fill our ears, We literally hate you because we don’t think you love enough. Oh, the irony.

But, not just the world. Our churches. Our own Christian brothers and sisters. Stop harping on sin! Just love! You’re giving us a bad name!

And, in love, we go on. In Christ’s name. Trying to kill the sin in our own lives. Trying to encourage others to kill the sin in theirs. Because sin is deadly and dangerous and bad for everyone.

Last week our eighty-four year old friend Neil shot a gigantic rattlesnake’s head right off of its body. Thinking, like any of us would, that the snake was dead, Neil set out to kick it out to the other side of the fence around his property. But, when his foot touched the head, that disembodied snake that Neil thought he had killed managed to bite him. Despite the fact that Neil believed with all his heart that that’s snake’s power to poison him was gone forever, when his foot touched the snake he learned that he was very, very wrong.

Our culture wants us to believe that sin is an old, outdated idea.  It wants us to believe that the concept is dead.  That it isn’t worth talking about because it’ll just offend someone. But, sin is real. It is as alive and well as that enormous, beheaded rattlesnake. It is destroying someone you know right now.  It is destroying you, whether you acknowledge its existence or not.

So, don’t be afraid, dear Christian, to call sin what it is. Being hated isn’t the worst thing in the world. Believe me, I know. But, being buried by the sin that you refuse to acknowledge is a fate worse than death. Sin kills, steals, and destroys. And, worst of all, it separates us from God. Would you let your friends and neighbors walk on a live rattlesnake for fear of offending? Or would you run toward them with urgency, anxious to warn them before they take that step? Sin is real. And, it hurts. Don’t “lovingly” watch the world walk into a den of rattlesnakes. Do what is good and noble and lovely. Talk about sin, and show lost and dying people how to be rescued from its clutches. This is love. This is the gospel.

The Truth about Radical Love

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This may come as a shock to you, but my children aren’t perfect. Yes, it’s true. They make mistakes.  They talk back sometimes.  They even lie.  They disobey. They act in selfish ways.

And, I don’t want to burst your bubble, but my husband?  My PASTOR husband? He sins. I know it’s difficult to imagine it, but my husband is a sinner.

And I, well, I am undoubtedly the most prolific sinner in our household. I think, say and do all kinds of things that prove that I am in desperate need of saving. I hurt myself and I hurt those closest to me with my selfish nature.

I don’t walk around my house believing that my husband and kids are all absolutely perfect.  And, they certainly aren’t under any illusions that I don’t do things I shouldn’t.  But, the fact that we are all active sinners doesn’t change in any way the fact that we love each other with all of our hearts.

This is Christianity.  Christianity loves anyway.  It says, Yes, I know you’re messed up. I see it. But, I love you despite that.

The recognition of sin and the presence of love are not mutually exclusive.

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All over the internet I see the mischaracterizations of Christianity. I see the calls for radical love, the accusations that Christians are are nothing but hateful, judgmental Pharisees.  Because we see the sins that plague the world (and our own hearts). Because we want to declare that God’s word is true and right. Because we are desperate to be honest with God and with ourselves in declaring that we are all sinners, every one.

Yes, even you.

Even the beloved celebrities that cause us so much turmoil in the world of social media.

We see the sin problems, within us and around us. And, we must speak those problems to each other. Yes, we must.  We must call sin what it is, whether it is in our own children or in our own hearts.

Or in a celebrity cover story.

Why?  Because we hate people?  Because we enjoy seeing people fail? No, exactly opposite.  Because we love people.  Because we want to see people reconciled to God.

Christianity must speak truth. Ignoring the truth or trying to pretend that it doesn’t exist is dishonest. Love isn’t avoiding the truth because you’re afraid of being unpopular.  Love isn’t staying silent because you don’t want to offend. Love isn’t watching the world go to hell.

I love my children and my husband, and I see the sin in their lives.  They love me, and they know I am the biggest sinner around. Love and truth telling go hand in hand, no matter what kind of names people call you for it on the internet.

Sin hurts people. Radical love seeks to save people from hurt. Sin kills. Radical love seeks to save.

There is only one avenue to radical love, and it isn’t saying I’m okay, you’re okay.  The only path to radical love is saying I’m not okay, and you’re not okay. We’re dead in our sins, and we need new life.

So, Christians, speak the truth, always remembering that you are in need of saving just as much as the next person. Don’t be intimidated by the fact that the gospel is offensive. The truth about sin never has a pleasing ring to it. It sounds harsh and hard. But, it paves the way for the beauty of Christ and the most radical love that ever was.

 

Your Pride is Showing

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Pride is such a tricky, sticky little thing.  And, I have a lot of it.  I always have.

You see, I learned at a young age to be good.  I was the girl who was known as a goody two shoes in elementary school, and a killjoy in high school.  I was a “super godly girl” in college and a church loving, good-clinging young adult.  I was so proud of myself.

Once I had birthed a few babies and had figured life out a little bit better, I realized that perfection isn’t what people want in a friend or a wife or a mother.  And, I began to confess my imperfections.  I began to reveal some of the ways that I really did not have it together.  It was terrifying and freeing.  And, it left a little room in my good little life for demonstrations of God’s grace.  I was finally able to see that any good in me was the result of what God was doing, not my iron-willed resolve to be the good girl.

Yet, even now, pushing 40 years old, I feel that pride creeping back in all kinds of ways.  One of those ridiculous ways is the old car that I drive.  Now, my minivan is 10 years old.  It’s not really that old in regular car years, but in minivan years, that’s more like 25 years.  This thing has been puked on, spilled in, sprayed by multiple skunks, has peeling paint all over it and a crusty pro-life bumper sticker on the back.  I’m telling you, it’s the ultimate super godly mom mobile.  And, I look at that once shiny car (which I love–heated seats, y’all.)  and I just feel myself getting all prideful that we aren’t spending money on a nicer car.

Pride can go that way, too, you know.  Some people have pride in their nice cars.  And some have pride in their old ones.  And, both are wrong.

The things we have, things we own, things we use… who cares how much they cost or what brand they are or if we’re minimalists or big spenders?  We have no room for pride in anything in our lives–nothing, I tell you, but in the cross of Jesus Christ.  That is worth bragging about.  That’s worth talking about.  The mission of Christianity is worth putting money into.  And, the rest?

Who really cares?

We have no talents.  They all belong to Jesus.  We have no possessions.  They’re all His.  We have no abilities.  Just what He does through us.  We have no reason to be proud of ourselves.  Strip away what belongs to Him, and what are we left with?  Just our sin.

Not really something to be bragging about.

So, before I and the rest of you super godly greats out there start getting all starry eyed about what we have and what we don’t have and what we do and what we don’t do, let us all remember that what we really are, without Jesus, is just a big ball of sinful mess.  And, you can’t dress that up with a Cadillac or make it look a little more endearing with a crusty minivan.

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When we get caught up in our goodness, we feel proud of ourselves.  Look at what we put on Facebook.  Just take a look at how quickly we brag on our good decisions.  Look at how often we boast in our own good works, as if we are especially good underneath the gracious blanket of Jesus Christ that mercifully covers us.

Our pride is killing us as much as all of those things we haughtily refrain from doing would.  But, somehow we consider it righteous to be proud of ourselves. I would never read that book, we say.  I would never spend that kind of money, we boast.  I would never think that way, we post on Facebook.   And, before we know it, we look back at our social media activity, and we see it.  We are so very proud of ourselves.

Believe me, I speak to you as the Pride Queen.  But, please hear me when I tell you that we have got to stop trying to steal glory from God by enjoying our own goodness.  We were made to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, and we settle instead for trying to convince ourselves that we are pretty great, too.

He alone is good. He alone is worthy.  He is the only source of light.  In Him is no darkness at all.  In me? Darkness.  But, He chases it away with His holiness and righteousness.  And when He does that?  All I can seem to do is pat myself on the back.

Listen, I’m not arguing the greatness of being good.  God gives us real choices. We have the responsibility to choose according to His word.  Sometimes we do that well, and sometimes not so well.  But, our sanctification as followers of Christ is not our doing.  We can reach for it (because the Holy Spirit puts the desire in us), we can ask for it, and we can endure the process of being changed and refined in heart and soul, all of which is accomplished by God.  He allows us the chance to participate in that growth.  But, whatever good we do is only the result of His goodness inside of us.

So, today, I would like to lay down (again) the pride that loves entangling me, and I pray that Jesus will shine through me despite my tendencies to try to turn off the sunshine of His goodness and turn on the fluorescent bulb of mine.  All honor and glory is His.

When You Feel Defeated

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Sometimes when I consider how very weak I am, I get discouraged.  I think about how far I have to go, how little willpower I possess, how easily I fall or get hung up or lose my balance.  I look at where I want to go, and it seems like the finish line is worlds away, and while I should be running I seem to be limping along.  Meanwhile, other people are trotting right past me.  They seem to be having an easy time of it.  While I, weak, weary, wheezing under the weight of my own weakness, am barely getting by.

Today was one of those days.  I was thinking of things I said that I wish I hadn’t.  I was remembering ways that I acted in sight of my nine year old that were certainly not gracious or godly.  I was wondering if I will ever see some sign that I am growing to become more like Christ, since I seem to be continually showing the world that I am nothing like Him at all.

I dwelled on those thoughts all morning long.  Then we went to visit a church member and friend who is currently living in a rehab facility, trying to regain his strength after a major surgery.  A matter of days ago he was unable to get out of bed at all, but today he is moving around with the help of a walker and exercising with weights and machines.  I asked if he feels like he’s getting stronger.  He said he is still really weak.  But, he told us that when he looks back three days ago and considers how weak he was then, he can see that he is making progress.

He seemed to be in good spirits, and I could tell he felt determined to reach the point where his therapists will decide he is ready to go home to his sweet wife.  He certainly wasn’t running up and down the hallways, but he was up and moving during the day.  He might easily have been discouraged if he were looking at how far he has to go before he will reach his goal, but instead he was choosing to look at how far he has come.

Maybe this is a key to living the Christian life with a sense of joy and victory instead of dread and defeat.  Maybe instead of dwelling on how far from perfect we are, we should take a look at how far we’ve come in the past year.  Maybe we should focus on how much our attitude has improved, or how God has revealed an area of sin to us that we are working to eliminate from our lives.  Maybe we should consider how much God’s grace has helped to dig us out of various pits that we once lived in, how His mercy has set us on a solid foundation, and how His Spirit living in us has begun to build something amazing, despite our shortcomings and our failures.

Maybe instead of focusing on how far we feel from arriving as Christians, we should dwell on how far He has brought us from what we once were.

After all, planting ourselves in doubt and pessimism is really saying to God that we don’t believe that He can take even the most hardened sinner and transform her into the image of Christ.  When we feel tempted to wallow in our fear that we will never change, we must stop and remember all of the miracles that God has worked inside us so far.  Sure, we still mess up a lot and let our selfishness and pride and meanness get in the way of our progress, but we cannot deny that God is at work in us.  It’s so obvious when we look at where we were just a short time ago.

Do you see it?  Don’t miss what God has done.

He is working.  In my life, in yours, and in a rehab hospital in West Texas.  I pray that we will remember where we want to go without ever forgetting where we’ve been.  In the looking back, we can so clearly see what God can do.  He never stops working on us.  And, we must never stop believing that He can keep us moving in the right direction all the way up until it’s time to go home.

We may wobble and sway, but our weakness is like a spotlight on His strength.   We mess up, but He doesn’t.  We fall, He catches us. We agonize, He is peace.  We cry because we are so weak, He wipes away every tear with His strong hand.  There is no way to make Him less.  But, when we look back on all He has done, we can show the world how much more He is than they even know.  See where you’ve been.

See what He’s done.

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