What Will We Do With What We Know?

An interesting thing about being married for almost three decades is that I have gotten pretty good at predicting how Chad will feel about things. The knowledge that I’ve gained over these years goes far beyond the trivia that when he’s eating a hamburger he likes mayonnaise on one bun and mustard on the other. Or that he likes to hang his freshly dry cleaned clothes facing right and his laundered clothes facing left in his closet. Or even that he’s been taking 20 minute power naps every day since was in his 20s.

I also know what makes him feel stress. What makes him feel loved. I know what discourages him. I know what makes him laugh. And I’ve known a few things that make him cry. I know what he’s scared of. I know what he’s good at. I know what helps him grow spiritually.

I know a lot about the guy. If you’ve been married for long, you probably know a whole lot about your spouse, too. That’s a good thing. But the real question isn’t what do we know about our spouse. It’s what will we do with what we know?

As someone with a lot of know how about the inner workings of Chad’s thoughts and feelings, I actually possess a lot of power to help him live a more wonderful life. If I know what causes him stress, I can try not to do things that I know will stress him out. If I know what makes him laugh, I can try my hardest every day to laugh with him. If I know what he’s scared of, I can pray for him that God would relieve his fears. I can be a true blessing in his life because of all of this special information that I’ve gained about who he is and how he operates.

The trouble is that it’s hard when I’m in the thick of grown up life to think about him more than I dwell on my own feelings and needs. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in what I’m stressed about or what I’m busy with that I often put my understanding of who Chad is to no use in giving him a better day, and ultimately a better life. We’re talking about a whole lifetime together, most of his earthly existence, so I should take that seriously and make it a matter of high priority. I want him to be blessed and confident and to feel my love for him every day, but if I’m not taking conscious steps to do all I can to contribute to his good feelings and overall sense of well-being, then I’m probably not capitalizing on what I know about him the way I could be.

We can’t forget that one mission God has given us as believing husbands and wives is to love each other well. What better way to do that than through loving actions that speak specifically to what we know about each other? Effort matters, whether we’re three years or 33 years or 53 years into our lifetime together. What will we do with what we know?